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Note: The first sentence Brother Biblio says when first arriving in the Dustbound Archives is unclear. Please help clarify and fix it.

(Player(s) accept quest)

Mancubus Bloodtooth: Somewhere in the archives rests a cookbook of fathomless darkness. The Nibblenomicon. Speak with the librarian, Harriet- she may know where it is hidden.

Mancubus Bloodtooth: I once kept the tome safe, when the shadows were young. Now its fel text is laid bare for any fool with a library card.

(Enter Dustbound Archives)

Brother Biblio: I hearby call together our weekly book club.(?) Let's jump right in! Last week, we read the Ninth Eidolon of the Lost by He whose name is Oblivion, the Forgotten One, Sleeper beyond the Gate of Silence and Sensing Tongue of the Umbral Void. Lets just open up with first impressions. Anybody?

Brother Lexios: Well, I thought He whose name is Oblivion's earlier works were better! Ninth Eidolon of the Lost read like a children's book! I mean I barely descended into gibbering madness and I've read it twice.

Brother Codex: I dunno. I thought He whos whatever did a pretty good job. It's a lot easier to follow than Eidolons of the Lost 1 through 8.

Brother Lexios: Well that's just the problem, isn't it? I didn't join an eldritch book club to not go mad in an all consuming quest for forbidden knowledge.

Brother Codex: Well that's just your opinion, and I happen to like it.

Brother Biblio: Alright Brothers! Settle down! Brother Lexios, what did you think of the author's decision to describe the great one's intent, rather than unknowable dread lisp scrawled in the blood of a willing acolyte?

Brother Lexios: Well, I found it needlessly redundant! Hardly befitting one such as... He whose name is Oblivion, the Forgotten One, Sleeper beyond the Gate of Silence and Sensing Tongue of the Umbral Void! But I'm sure Brother Codex would disagree.

Brother Codex: Honestly, I hardly noticed a difference.

Brother Lexios: WHHAAAAAAT! Didn't notice! D-did you even read the book!?

Brother Codex: Well, I listened to the books on ECHO version while doing laundry, but I got the gist.

Brother Lexios: The gist!? You got the gist of the Forgotten One's Ninth Eidolon of the Lost listening to it on an ECHO? Gythian give me strength, is this a book club or an ECHO club? Honestly.

Brother Biblio: Brother Codex, I have to say I kind of agree with Brother Lexios here. We all agreed to read the book, not listen to it.

Brother Codex: Listening to it IS reading. With your ears!

Brother Biblio: Iiiits really not. There are subtilties and nuances in the text you just can't capture through a recorded reading.

Brother Codex: Look, when I read the text too long, I start to get a headache.

Brother Lexios: Yes, Brother Codex, that's kind of the point. That's just what the onset of eldritch madness feels like.

Brother Codex: I can go plenty mad listening to the Forgotten One's ramblings thank you very much.

Brother Biblio: Well, speaking of the author, we mustn't neglect-

Brother Codex: Don't say the author's intent.

Brother Biblio: -the author's intent!

Brother Codex: Here we go again! You and your Gythian-damned authorial intent! If He whose name is Oblivion, the Forgotten One, Sleeper beyond the Gate of Silence and Sensing Tongue of the Umbral Void had wanted me to read the book maybe he should have used better handwriting or gotten an editor or added some Gythian-damned illustrations!

Brother Biblio: You would have had the Ninth Eidolon of the Lost reduced to a comic book? What's next!? Adapted into a movie!?

Brother Lexios: Don't give him ideas!

Brother Codex: Fine! You know what? I'll just read it right now, shall I!?

Brother Biblio: …and what? We'll just sit here in silence waiting?

Brother Codex: Yeah! Sounds great!

Brother Biblio: Fine!

Brother Codex: Fine!

Brother Lexios: ...Fine!

(Talks to Harriet)

  • Fl4k: Archivist. I require a text titled "The Nibblenomicon".
  • Zane: Oi! Er-Oi. Here for a book of unspeakable horror: "The Nibblenomicon"?
  • Amara: I'm looking for a book called "The Nibblenomicon". Know anything about it?
  • Moze: Here to requisition one copy of "The Nibblenomicon".

Harriet: You need a library card. But I can barely hear you over this blasted Bonded book club! No one is taking anything out until I can hear myself think!

(Bonded book club is attacked)

Harriet: Excuse me! If you're perusing abyssal mysteries caged in text, please do so SILENTLY!

(Bonded book club is killed)

Harriet: Ugh, now that a sensible volume has been restored, I can tell you that The Nibblenomicon is located in the Forbidden Stacks.

(Library Card is picked up)

Harriet: Though I should warn you that everyone who's ever checked that book out has met a terrible fate... late fees!

(Enter Holography Chamber)

Mancubus Bloodtooth: I will admit, it is true what the young lady said. Terrible fates have befallen all who gaze upon the Nibblenomicon's accursed pages. Which are all of them.

(Uses library card)

Mancubus Bloodtooth: Good, good! The Nibblenomicon is near, just through there. Quickly, Vault Hunter! I'm ravenous with anticipation...

(Sees frozen bodies)

Mancubus Bloodtooth: Hm. One of these poor souls must have botched the frozen daiquiri recipe. A fickle drink, that. Well, one of them must have the bood. You'll just have to pry it from their cold, fragile hands.

(Begins to shatter bodies, one drops a book)

Mancubus Bloodtooth: Ah. The Grand Grammoire, the definitive work on infernal grammar. Useful for pedantic diabolists, but not what we seek. Keep searching!

(Continues to break bodies, one drops another book)

Mancubus Bloodtooth: Hm. De Vermivorous Mysteriis. While this could prove invaluable for summoning extraplanar varkids, only The Nibblenomicon has the recipes I crave! It must be around here somewhere...

(Breaks the final body, a valve drops from them)

Mancubus Bloodtooth: Ah-ha! That one tried to grab the valve for the central heating system! A good idea. Pick it up.

(Valve is picked up)

Mancubus Bloodtooth: Now, put the valve in its proper place, and dispel the frost. Maybe then, the location of the tome will become clear.

(The heating room is located and the Valve is placed. The pipe above the frost mound is shot and the ice is melted)

Mancubus Bloodtooth: Ah! The tome is revealed! Quickly now. Pick it up.

Nibblenomicon: Finally! I've been freezing my deckled edges off over here! Get me outta here before I get all moldy!

(Suddenly, Bonded emerge and begin engaging the Vault Hunter(s))

Mancubus Bloodtooth: Hmph. It seems there are others who share my literary interests. Go about your dark business., and …dissuade them.

(The Bonded assault is repelled)

Mancubus Bloodtooth: Finally! The unhallowed mysteries of The Nibblenomicon will soon be revealed. The Vegan Turducken. The Eggplant Harmasan. The Elder Dip. Take it. And whatever you do, do not read it yourself.

(The Nibblenomicon is picked up)

Mancubus Blootooth: Now, swiftly! Away to the librarian to check it out!

Nibblenomicon: Ahhh, don't listen to that old stick in the mud! You can read me! Come on, open me up! Just check the table of contents real quick!

(Approaches Harriet's desk)

Nibblenomicon: Listen, between you and me, page six hundred sixty-six, there is a recipe for fettucine and Demogorgonzola. It is to DIE for- literally.

Mancubus Bloodtooth: Do not be swayed by it's charms... however zesty they may be.

(Talks to Harriet)

  • Fl4k: I have the text I require. I presume you'll want to make a record of it.
  • Zane: Got this book for ya to stamp, or brand, or whatever you do with these.
  • Amara: I got my book, no thanks to you! Just do your job and I'll be out of your hair.
  • Moze: Got the book. Do your thing so I can get outta here. This place gives me the creeps.

Harriet: Oh, you've found the book! Well, go on, give it here.

(The Nibblenomicon is placed)

Harriet: Now, I'll just open it to stamp the date here on this perfectly innocuous endpage and- what's this? Some kind of... recipe? I can't stop reading it!

(The Nibblenomicon begins to float and spin while Harriet melts away)

Harriet: Rrrraaagaghhh!

(Harriet then becomes What Was Once Harriet and begins attacking the Vault Hunter(s))

Mancubus Bloodtooth: A shame. But there is no saving her. *Sigh* This is why the book belongs with me. Nothing ever good ever comes of meddling with the mysteries.

(What Was Once Harriet is killed)

Mancubus Bloodtooth: Good. Get the book and bring it to me without delay.

(The Nibblenomicon is retrieved)

Nibblenomicon: Yeah, pick me up! But NO STAMPS, got it?! You come near me with a stamp, and I'll make sure you live to regret it for a long, long time.

(Returns to Mancubus at The Lodge)

Mauncubus Bloodtooth: Wonderful! Just leave it on the bar, so that I may attempt one of its recipes!

(The Nibblenomicon is placed)

  • Fl4k: Very well. If you transform, I hope you will be more of a challenge than the librarian.
  • Zane: Grand! What are we havin'? I do love a good tome-cooked meal. But I'll admit, I'm a little spooked by that thing.
  • Amara: All right, but if you turn into a monster, I'll tear you apart tentacle by tentacle.
  • Moze: 'Kay, but... shouldn't we retreat to a minimum safe distance or something?

Mancubus Bloodtooth: No need to worry, I am quite proficient in such rituals. But what to make? Damned Chowder? Too salty. Sugar-Free Sugar Cookies? Too evil... Perhaps... yes, of course. Xylourgos Queso. For this recipe, I must summon the most profane substance known to The Nibblenomicon… Klaatu… Cilantro... Nikto!

(The Nibblenomicon then spits out a bundle of Cilantro)

Mancubus Bloodtooth: Now, carefully, transmit the final ingredient to the cauldron over the fireplace.

(Cilantro is dumped into the cauldron. A poof of magic emerges from the cheesy concoction.)

Mancubus Bloodtooth: Yes, yes! With the queso complete, the townsfolk will be drawn to The Lodge in droves. Of course, someone should taste it, just to be sure...

  • Fl4k: Queso is carrion food, and I am an alpha. I must decline your offer of cheese-related sustenance.
  • Zane: You know, I was on board till the cilantro. Ugh, it's like soap, only worse. At least after soap, your mouth is clean.
  • Amara: Believe me, I'd love to, really, I would -but it's not my cheat day, sooo… no.
  • Moze: Oh, I would, but I'm uh... supercursed with unspeakable... lactose intolerance? Let's go with that.

Mancubus Bloodtooth: Oh, no, no! Not you, dear Vault Hunter. Simply feed a bowl to The Nibblenomicon. We shall see soon enough if the recipe was a success.

(A spoon in the cauldron is picked up and it's contents are fed to The Nibblenomicon)

Nibblenomicon: Mm! Oh, that's... that's some of the best damn Xylourgos queso I have ever had. The cilantro perfectly overpowers and ruins any other redeeming flavor. It's so good it makes me wanna puke just to taste it again.

(The Nibblenomicon then does just that, vomiting out a bunch of weapons as well)

Mancubus Bloodtooth: Gahahaha! Sweet, savory success! I am most grateful for your... assistance.

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