Line 494: Line 494:
'''Brick:''' This ain't us, Lil! This ain't YOU!
'''Brick:''' This ain't us, Lil! This ain't YOU!
'''Lilith:''' -- FIRE!
'''Lilith:(Pushes away Brick)''' -- FIRE!
(Crimson Raiders fire)
(Crimson Raiders fire)
Line 500: Line 500:
'''Lilith:''' What the hell?
'''Lilith:''' What the hell?
(The bullets fall to the floor harmlessly. Everyone looks in shock as a guardian appears.)
(The bullets fall to the floor harmlessly. Everyone looks in shock as The Watcher from the start of the game appears.)
'''Guardian:''' Now is not the time for bickering, Vault Hunters. War is coming. And you will need all the Vault Hunters you can get.
'''The Watcher:''' Now is not the time for bickering, Vault Hunters. War is coming. And you will need all the Vault Hunters you can get.
(Credits roll)
(Credits roll)
(In an office in Helios, overlooking Pandora, silhouettes of a man strangling another are seen.)
(In an office in Helios, overlooking Pandora, silhouette of Jack strangling Harold Tassiter is seen.)
'''Ms. Bailey:''' Mr. Tassiter? Mr. Tassiter, are you there?
'''Ms. Bailey:''' Mr. Tassiter? Mr. Tassiter, are you there?

Latest revision as of 15:13, October 29, 2019

(to do: missing quotes:

  • right after accepting the mission, responding to Springs (Au)
  • letting the shield close twice in Tycho's Ribs (At))

(Accept Mission)

Jack: In time. We'll deal with 'em ALLLLL in time. But for now, we just need to get to that Vault before they do... dumb bastards probably wanna destroy what's in there. Zarpedon said a "tangle of chemical filth" -- did she mean Dahl's old Bakkaberk refinery site? Get back to the moon's surface and check it out. There's gotta be something there that'll lead us to the Vault.

Tassiter: What's going on up there, John? The readings we've--

Jack: --SHUT THE HELL UP, Tassiter! SHUT. THE HELL. UP. My ex-girlfriend and her two BFFs just tried to kill me, and the LAST thing I need right now is your senile ass WHINING IN MY EAR! If I get ONE more message from you that isn't "addaboy, Jack!" or "I'm sending you a big bag of money!" then I'm gonna reach through my ECHO communicator and GOUGE YOUR EYES OUT WITH MY PINKIES! ARE WE CLEAR?!

Tassiter: I... Goodbye, John.


  • Springs (to Athena): Athena, I saw the laser go! My dear lady, I owe you a drink -- no arguments.
  • Springs (to Wilhelm): Wilhelm, you saved Elpis and Pandora! Whatcha feelin'?
  • Springs (to Nisha): Congrats on blowing up the laser, Nisha! Musta been a lot of fun!
  • Springs (to Claptrap): Heya, Fragtrap -- good job with the laser an' all. Doin' alright?
  • Springs (to Jack2): Hey, sorta-Jack! Great job with the laser!
  • Springs (to Aurelia): (missing)
  • Athena (if present): Maybe later. Right now... I've got a job to finish.
  • Wilhelm (if present): Anger. Pain. Lot more people gonna die before I'm done here.
  • Nisha (if present): No. Once I catch the bandits who tried to kill me? That's when the fun starts.
  • Claptrap (if present): Not really! I helped Jack kill some innocent people! And then my friends betrayed me, and tried to kill me, and-- --Wait! You remembered my name! This is the best day ever!
  • Jack2 (if present): Yeah, thanks! Just had to help kill a few innocent people and nearly got murdered by the girl of my dreams but... yeah, whoo! Go me... ugh, I hate my life...
  • Aurelia (if present): Thanks very much. I'm just a bit miffed that two dangerously interesting ladies tried to END me. So, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to kill them.

(Normal Mode)

Athena: After surviving your attempt on our lives, we headed to Zarpedon's refinery site to look for the Vault.

Mordecai: Why? You'd already saved the moon, why not just leave?

Athena: I was hired to find a Vault -- I don't leave jobs half-finished. That, and Lilith attempted to murder me. If she wanted the Vault, I wanted to stop her.

Lilith: Yeahhh -- sorry I tried to kill you.

Athena: No you're not.

Lilith: No, I'm not.

Mordecai: So Moxxi tried to kill Jack? She never told me that.

Lilith: She's got layers. Like an onion made of boobs.

Brick: Moxxi plays her cards pretty close to the chest.

Lilith: Which is saying something, given her cup size.

(End Normal Mode)

(True Vault Hunter Mode)

Tiny Tina: You still mad at Lilith for trying to kill you.

Athena: No. I more or less tried to kill her afterward. On the battlefield, loyalties can shift at any moment.

Tiny Tina: Damn, that's deep. What about the last time she tried to kill you? Like an hour ago?

Athena: I'm still irritated about that, yes.

Brick: Girl's got a lot on her mind, but yeah. That was pretty messed up.

(End True Vault Hunter Mode)

(Reach Bradman's Quarry in Triton Flats)

Jack: Hold up. I'll handle this.

(Enter Vorago Solitude)

Jack: Here's how it is. You search that site for a way into the Vault. We go there. We get what's inside it. And we use it to kill Lilith, Roland, and ALLLLL those sons of bitches.

  • Athena (if present): Once I'm even with those two, you won't see me again.
  • Wilhelm (if present): As long as I get to be there when they die...
  • Nisha (if present): That... is going to be fun.
  • Claptrap (if present): I find this horrifying but will go along with it anyway!
  • Jack2 (if present): I don't uh... really wanna do this anymore, but you're my only ride off this moon, so... yeah, let's do this! I guess.
  • Aurelia (if present): No no -- I do believe I'll be off before your pathetic soulpatch grows into a full evil goatee, if you don't mind.

Pickle: Little rathyd told me you're on yer way inside the moon -- corr! That's wicked! If you see any'fing you think's valuable, grab it fer me, eh? And be careful, won't ya?

Nurse Nina: Gah! You go bad place and Nina worry. Watch self and use plenty Nina medecine. I see you soon, yes? Do svidaniya!

(True Vault Hunter Mode)

Tiny Tina: Athena! Let's talk about cuties. What's the cutest cutie you ever saw?

Athena: There was a redhead on Promethea. He couldn't have been more than twelve. We bombed his village to make space for an armory.

Tiny Tina: Youuuu are really bad at conversation.

(End True Vault Hunter Mode)

(Enter bridge in central Vorago Solitude)

Jack: Soooo, since Zarpe-chick is dead, I'm gonna go ahead and throw some loaders your way! Moonshot's pinpointing you right now. Try not to be standing under the supply fire -- you don't wanna do that.

Jack: Why are these assholes still fighting? Their leader's history. Why not kick back, take a break, go see the sights? Eh, nevermind, we'll wipe them out soon enough. That'll be a sight. Ooh! Oh yeah, I'm on.

Springs: So you're headed into some kind of super-secret alien cave or something? Sounds kinda fun, take some piccies if you can, don't drink the water, and don't let anything nasty kill you. Not in that order. Yeah. I think that was everything.

(True Vault Hunter Mode)

Tiny Tina: Hey Athena, whatever happened to that Springs cutie? She still on the moon? You guys ever hang out, if you know what I mean, and I think you dooooo

Athena: She's... around. And whether we've "hung out" or not is none of your business.

Tiny Tina: Ooohhhh you hit that, gimme high-five! ATHENA GIMME HIGH-FIVE 'CAUSE YOU HIT THAT! *clap* That's my girl.

(End True Vault Hunter Mode)

(While fighting in central base)

Tassiter: Good news, John! You're through. And this time the board is behind me. You've been terminated.

Jack: You say one more word to me and I will make your death slow.

Tassiter: What are you--

Jack: --That was three. I'll be seeing you soon.

(Approach Guardian generator)

(Title card: Guardians -- Defenders of the Vault)

(Approach exit to Outfall Pumping Station)

Jack: Wow! I mean there's a lot of weird alien crap around here. That's gotta be a good sign, right? Means something REAL juicy's waiting for me down there.

(Enter Outfall Pumping Station)

Jack: Alright, that's good! Now see where that takes you!

Lost Legion Soldier: I surrender! I give up!

Jack: Of course he does! Now kill him.

Lost Legion Soldier: Why?!

-- Option 1: Vault Hunters spare the soldier --

  • Athena (if present): I don't kill people who aren't shooting at me.
  • Wilhelm (if present): What difference does it make? I'm gonna get rid of them all eventually.
  • Nisha (if present): Oh, I'll get him later. It'll be way more fun to let him spend a few months thinking he's scot-free. Then, juuust as he falls to sleep one night... my fingers clamp around his neck.
  • Claptrap (if present): I'm still capable of mercy? Awesome!
  • Jack2 (if present): I'm not you, Jack.
  • Aurelia (if present): Oh, piss off, Jack.

Lost Legion Soldier: Thank you! THANK YOU!

Jack: Oh, what the hell! Don't let him LIVE!

-- Option 2: Vault Hunters kill the soldier --

Jack: Hahahha! He really thought we were gonna let him go. He was like "daaah, I'm gonna turn my life around and eat better and finish my novel and stuff", and then BOOOOM! What a dumbass, ahaha! That's good stuff.

  • Athena (if present): I'm sorry.
  • Wilhelm (if present): Heh. He fell funny.
  • Nisha (if present): Well, that cheered me up.
  • Claptrap (if present): I'm sorry! I can't disobey him!
  • Jack2 (if present): Sorry! Sorry, sorry...
  • Aurelia (if present): Sorry, but in my defense I am a stone-cold bitch.

(Approach elevator)

Jack: Looks like that, right there, is the way in.

(Take elevator)

(Title Card: RK5)

Jack: Whaaaaat is that thing? Don't you guys get it? It's over for them!

RK5 Pilot: Vault Hunters sighted! OPEN FIRE!

Jack: No way -- we've come too damn far! You shoot that bastard out of the sky and you play around in his friggin' GUTS!

RK5 Pilot: We fight until the last of us falls!

Jack: Sorry, tuned out there. Just kill this guy, will you? Get back on schedule.

  • Athena (if present): Jack, we could just rush to the Vault -- we don't need to fight the gunship!
  • Wilhelm (if present): You sure you want that gunship dead? Pretty sure I could get to the Vault on my own.
  • Nisha (if present): I think I can probably get to the Vault right now -- you sure you want me to kill this ship?
  • Claptrap (if present): Sir, the path to the Vault is open -- are you sure you want me to fight this Dahl gunship?
  • Jack2 (if present): Jack, the path to the Vault is open -- I could just avoid the gunship altogether.
  • Aurelia (if present): I can make it to the Vault, you reprobate! We don't deal with the gunship at all!

Jack: No! You let your enemies live, they shoot you in the back! I don't want any surprises! I don't want any SURVIVORS! You blow that ship to hell, and you do it NOW!

  • Athena (if present): He's losing it.
  • Wilhelm (if present): I like the way you think, Jack.
  • Nisha (if present): God, you're so hot right now.
  • Claptrap (if present): Uh... okay!
  • Jack2 (if present): Why did I sign up to impersonate this guy?
  • Aurelia (if present): Look darling, bloodlust can be fun, but you're taking it a shade too far.

(Randomly, during fight with RK5)

RK5 Pilot: TO THE LAST! (At extremely low health)

RK5 Pilot: Stop your belly-aching and love the bomb!

RK5 Pilot: I've had about enough -- you guys pound on 'em for a while! (Below half health)

RK5 Pilot: This is it!

RK5 Pilot: Bombs away!

RK5 Pilot: I'm retreating -- cover fire, NOW!

RK5 Pilot: Don't let up!

RK5 Pilot: Eat lasery death!

RK5 Pilot: Are you ready for a missile massacre?!

RK5 Pilot: Charlie, Foxtrot -- I'm outta here, cover me! (Low health)

RK5 Pilot: Yeah!, Die, die, die!

RK5 Pilot: BOOM!

(Defeat RK5)

  • Athena (if present): Are you sure you want me to keep going?
  • Wilhelm (if present): So let's do this. Time to get ugly, heh-heh.
  • Nisha (if present): Hey, Jack. This is gonna be beautiful.
  • Claptrap (if present): Mister Jack, do you REALLY want me to go in here?
  • Jack2 (if present): Uh... okay. Sir.
  • Aurelia (if present): Mmm, I've got a niggling feeling I'm going to regret this.

Jack: YES! Push forward, I'll meet you down there. We're getting close -- hooo-oo-ooo, I can FEEL IT!

(True Vault Hunter Mode)

Tiny Tina: Dramatic ironyyy is when the dude doesn't know what you know and that's what's going on right nowwwww! And he thinks the Vault's gonna be cool but his face is gonna get messed uuup!

(End True Vault Hunter Mode)

(Enter corridor)

Jack: I want to get in there before Roland and Lilith beat us to it!

(Reach central cave in Tycho's Ribs)

Jack: Man, take a look around! This place is frickin' awesome! I mean, who wouldn't want a piece of whatever's in that Vault? Or all of it.

(Reach southern end of central ramp)

Jack: What's that? Looks like a... shield of some kind. A shield blocking the way, so, the worst kind. Okay, you know what -- do I have to do everything?! Find a way to futz with it!

Jack: Woah, this place is nuts! I mean, it's... huge! And hollow. How much of Elpis is hollow? Is this even a real stinkin' moon? Do I even give a crap? As long as there's serious awesomeness at the end of the tunnel!

(Enter Mario level)

Jack: I LOVE what they've done with the place! Very "not-freakin'-human-at-all".

(Proceed through Maintenance Access 42)

Jack: Jeez, this is a lot bigger than I thought it'd be. How deep does this Eridian stuff go?

(Approach cannon site)

Lost Legion Soldier: Man the cannon! This is where we make our last stand! FOR ZARPEDON!

Jack: Pahahah -- I'll never get used to it... such a STUPID name! Oh my god... Ohh, we're havin' fun.

Jack: Woah, is this... they got a cannon down here?! Use that cannon to blast your way into the hole!

(Blast shield open)

Jack: Now go! Into the breach! Just go! Go, go go! Before it closes again!

(Player stalls and shield closes)

Jack: Oh, COME ON, you gotta be quicker than that! My grandmother's faster than that, and she's lying in a gurney with a bunch of TUBES and stuff stuck to her! Which is SAD, because I love my grandmother a lot so don't make fun of her! MOVE IT!

(Shield closes again)

Jack: No! No no no! You're too slow! Shoot, hole, run. Shoot, hole, run! Say it with me!

  • Athena (if present): Shoot. Hole. Run.
  • Wilhelm (if present): Shoot, hole, run.
  • Nisha (if present): Shoot, hole, run.
  • Claptrap (if present): Right! Shoot, hole, run -- well, "wheel" in my case!
  • Jack2 (if present): Shoot, hole, run -- got it.
  • Aurelia (if present): Yes, I can remember three syllables. My university even had walls, AND a toilet.

(Use exit to Eleseer)


(Elevator descends to Eleseer platform)

(End Cutscene)

Jack: Oh, man, I'm psyched about this -- can you see it? That's where we're going! It's got my name written all over it, hahaha! Am I shaking? Do I look like I'm shaking? Lookatme, lookatme, am I -- Oh right, you can't see me. Imagine me. Shaking. I'm shaking!

Lilith: Here's the score, Jack...

Jack: Oh hey, Lilith. How you been?

Lilith: Jack -- you and your Vault Hunters have one chance to leave this place. I'm really hoping you don't, but--

Jack: --Hooooo, baby, you're gonna look real pretty dying. All that ego and sass just oozin' outta bullet holes.

  • Jack (to Athena): How you feelin' about this, Athena? You feelin' good? I'm feelin' good.
  • Jack (to Wilhelm): You ready to get seriously paid, Wilhelm?
  • Jack (to Nisha): Hey, Nisha. After we tear Lilith and Roland into tiny little pieces, you wanna grab a drink with me?
  • Jack (to Claptrap): I hope you're having fun, Fragtrap. I gotta say, those loaders have made YOU kinda redundant.
  • Jack (to Jack2): Hey, body double. This all goes according to plan, your pay is gonna skyrocket, cause I'm gonna be somebody people REALLY want to kill.
  • Jack (to Aurelia): How you holdin' up, Vault Hunter?
  • Athena (if present): Shut up and let me work, Jack. I don't need to know how much you enjoy this.
  • Wilhelm (if present): After all the crap we've been through, I'd do this part for free.
  • Nisha (if present): We get through this, we're skipping the drink altogether.
  • Claptrap (if present): WHAT?! No, nononononono! I'll prove my worth, you'll see!
  • Jack2 (if present): That's what worries me.
  • Aurelia (if present): I'd be even better if you'd leave me alone.

(Enter middle circle)

Jack: Alright -- in we go! Let's get in there and make me famous.

(Enter inner circle)

Jack: Now, THAT... that is shiny.

  • Athena (if present): Let's just get this over with.
  • Wilhelm (if present): Got no idea what I'm lookin' at.
  • Nisha (if present): I know, right? And it's calling out to us.
  • Claptrap (if present): Oh boy! The molecular structure of this thing is so ubiquitously uniform!
  • Jack2 (if present): Huh. That's... wow. Yeah. Huh.
  • Aurelia (if present): It's shiny. I do like that.

Jack: Hey, is somethin' following you? Getting some weird readings that, uh... Ah, forget it, it's probably nothin'. Let's keep moving!

(Normal Mode)

Lilith: Yeah, that was me.

Mordecai: How'd you follow them without getting noticed?

Lilith: I... actually don't know. None of the guardians attacked me for some reason. It was like they WANTED to let me through.

(End Normal Mode)

(True Vault Hunter Mode)

Tiny Tina: So the weird Guardian guy helped Lilith get through the Eridian defenses?

Brick: Yeah. Musta wanted her to destroy the thing in the Vault before Jack could use it.

Tiny Tina: Or, ORRR, he wanted to get her inside another Vault so she'd be filled with Vault mojo. Vault juice!

Brick: Ew.


(End True Vault Hunter Mode)

(Move to next section of outer ring)


(Opha moves in and summons a guardian)

(Title Card: Opha Superior)

(End Cutscene)

(Reach rift)

Jack: This looks dangerous -- you should go first.


(The Sentinel enters through the rift and descends to the ground.)

(Title card: The Sentinel -- Guardian of the Vault)

(The Sentinel materializes a large axe and prepares for attack.)

(End cutscene)

Jack: This is it, everybody! Kill this Guardian and the Vault's ours!

  • Athena (if present): Oh great.
  • Wilhelm (if present): Heh heh heh heh heh heh... Bring it.
  • Nisha (if present): This is gonna be fun.
  • Claptrap (if present): JEEZ!
  • Jack2 (if present): Woah.
  • Aurelia (if present): There we go! Nice big monster to fight. Lovely.

(Kill Sentinel)

Jack: Oh, THAT was fricking awesome! So -- who's game?! Let's go!

(True Vault Hunter Mode)

Tiny Tina: Oop. This is where he gets his face all messed up. This is gonna be funny.

(End True Vault Hunter Mode)

(Use Vault Icon)


(Jack teleports in, Athena watches him silently)

Jack: Big bastard, wasn't he? Nicely done. Keep an eye out for that creepy red one -- I don't wanna get interrupted. Wait... what? That's it? That... little thing. The hell did...

Jack: Ohh... what kinda weapon... (touches icon)

(Jack is lifted off the ground and placed in a throne materializing behind him. Images are shown of the Vault of the Warrior.)

Jack: Ohhhh my... GOD! I GET IT! I understand! I understand EVERYTHING! Hahahahahaha!

(Lilith phasewalks in.)

Lilith: Heya, handsome. (punches the Vault icon into Jack's face, then phasewalks out again.)

Jack (holding his burning face): AAAARRRGHGH! Rrrrrhrgh! Son of a...

Jack (getting up): I'm gonna KILL her! I'm gonna kill them ALL! (Reveals a Vault Icon formed burning wound in his face, blinded on his left eye)

Jack: First, you're gonna find me a doctor. Then we're gonna wipe those bandit bastards off the face of Pandora. And then... Then we're gonna wake The Warrior.

Athena: -- The what?

Jack (sits back on the throne): It's gonna be so good. We're gonna scorch the freakin' planet in fire. There's gonna be screaming... bandits are gonna die left and right... ...I can't wait! Hahahahahah!

(Athena turns and leaves, the scene switches back to Sanctuary, in the present.)

Athena: And that is when the hero who saved us on Helios died. That was when I left Handsome Jack's employ.

Lilith (pacing back and forth): You regret teaming up with Jack?

Athena: Yes. Now do what you will.

Lilith: Kill her.

Mordecai: What?!

Brick: NO!

Lilith: If it weren't for people like her, our friends might still be alive! Ready --

Brick: This ain't us, Lil! This ain't YOU!

Lilith:(Pushes away Brick) -- FIRE!

(Crimson Raiders fire)

Lilith: What the hell?

(The bullets fall to the floor harmlessly. Everyone looks in shock as The Watcher from the start of the game appears.)

The Watcher: Now is not the time for bickering, Vault Hunters. War is coming. And you will need all the Vault Hunters you can get.

(Credits roll)

(In an office in Helios, overlooking Pandora, silhouette of Jack strangling Harold Tassiter is seen.)

Ms. Bailey: Mr. Tassiter? Mr. Tassiter, are you there?

Jack: Mr. Tassiter's been replaced, sweetcheeks. Starting today, you're working for me.

Ms. Bailey: Who is -- John, is that you?

Jack: Call me Jack, honey.

(Jack turns into the light, revealing his trademark mask. A "Handsome Jack" title appears.)

Jack: Handsome Jack.

(A "Borderlands The Pre-Sequel!" title replaces the former, Jack's image turns to a white silhouette.)

(End Cutscene)

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