To do:

  • missing quotes when passing the claptrap shop

(Accept mission)

Moxxi: I stashed some loot away for a special occasion -- guess this qualifies. Help yourselves.

(Loot and return to Jack)

Jack: Alright, here we go, everybody. The jamming signal's down, we've got a robot army, and it's time to get back to Helios and turn off that death-laser.

Lilith: Roland and I will head up with you guys and provide support.

Moxxi: And I'll be cheerin' you on from the cozy confines of this cantina.

Jack: I dunno how hairy things have gotten up there, so... be prepared for anything.

Jack: Let's go. We'll fast travel up there first. You follow behind.

Roland: If we don't shut that laser down soon, we can kiss this whole moon goodbye!

Lilith: See ya on the other side, kiddo.

Roland: What she said.

Jack: Let's be heroes.

(Travel to Hyperion Hub of Heroism)

Roland: Where is everybody?

Lilith: Crap. I think we're on the other side of Helios.

Jack: Crap. Looks like the fast travel split us all up. Doesn't change the plan, though: get to the Eye of Helios command center, shut the laser down WITHOUT damaging it, save the moon, and be hailed as a hero forever. Sound good? Course it does.

(Enter Central Terminal)

Tassiter: John? W-what the hell are you doing?! I fired you!

Jack: And you'll be thanking me once Helios is back in Hyperion hands.

Tassiter: And what have you done to the station? The color scheme is all--

Jack: --Yeah, red and black were a little grim. Yellow POPS better, don't you think? Anyway, can't fire me, sucka, you already did! Later!

Jack: Well, station still seems more or less in one piece. How about you? You holdin' up?

  • Athena (if present): Don't understand the question. Heading to objective now.
  • Wilhelm (if present): I felt bad for that AI we erased. Or I'm just jealous she got a cool robot body -- I dunno.
  • Nisha (if present): Killin' that AI chick was pretty fun, so -- yeah. Feelin' good. thanks for askin'.
  • Claptrap (if present): Ohhhh, just having an existential crisis about what we did to Felicity. If our personalities can be deleted at the drop of a hat, then what makes us, us? That kind of thing!
  • Jack2 (if present): Yeah -- uh, feeling kinda bad about Felicity. I mean, not THAT bad. But, I dunno, yeah, kinda bad.
  • Aurelia (if present): Oh, just trying to forget about Felicity and focus on enjoying my vacation.

Jack: Alright, cool. I'll meet up with you later, we can talk some more then.

(Pass claptrap shop)

  • Athena (if present): A Claptrap shop?
  • Wilhelm (if present): That a claptrap shop?
  • Nisha (if present): Is that a Claptrap shop?
  • Claptrap (if present): Woah, is that a claptrap shop?
  • Jack2 (if present): A claptrap shop?
  • Aurelia (if present): A shop full of claptraps? So, hell's lowest tier, then.

Jack: Yeah, the damn things break down so much we had to set up a little claptrap creation station. Lost Legion shut it down, but there's probably one or two claps still kicking around in there.

(Approach access tunnels)

Zarpedon: Jamming signal or no, this station is MINE, Vault Hunter.

Jack: Gaah -- she's locked the path! We can't get to the Eye of Helios! But we shut down the jamming signal, I don't -- alright, whatever, just get back to my office. Maybe we can lower the defenses from there.

Zarpedon: They've breached Helios -- intensify firepower!

Jack: Oh, hell -- she's focusing the laser!

(Approach door to office)

Hyperion: Authorization required. Please step into the scanner.

Hyperion: Please press the button to activate the scanner.

(Press scanner button)

Hyperion: Unknown user detected. Authorization denied.

Jack: Rrrgh -- maybe you can get a CL4P-TP to authorize you. There should be one nearby.

  • Jack (to human): And, uh -- sorry in advance.
  • Jack (to Claptrap): Don't bother trying to open it yourself, Fragtrap. I wiped your door-opening functions when I filled your hard drive with weapons training and stair-climbing protocols.
  • Claptrap (if present): WHAT HAVE I BECOOOOOOOOOME?!

(Open container)

CL4P-TP: Hello! I am a CL4P--

  • Athena (if present): --I need to get into Jack's office.
  • Wilhelm (if present): --The door to Jack's office is locked and I need in.
  • Nisha (if present): --Yeah, great. Need you to unlock Jack's office.
  • Claptrap (if present): --Don't rub it in! I need you... (sigh) ... to open the door to Jack's office.
  • Jack2 (if present): Stop talking. I just need a door opened.
  • Aurelia (if present): Please take me to Jack's office with the absolute minimum of speaking.

CL4P-TP: Okay! I shall lead the way!

  • Claptrap (if present): You have no idea how lucky you are. Rolling around on your non-stair-climbing wheel, opening doors like it's no big deal. You have no idea how good you've got it. You disgust me.

CL4P-TP: Is that the door? I'll have it open in no time!

CL4P-TP: Hmm, the door's locked! I can easily override it at a panel nearby!

  • Claptrap (if present): Oh my GOD I hate that guy so much!

CL4P-TP: Aaaaand, open!

  • Athena (if present): That wasn't the door I needed open!
  • Wilhelm (if present): That ain't the door, you bucket of dumb!
  • Nisha (if present): Wrong door, dumbass.
  • Claptrap (if present): That wasn't the right door! You call yourself a claptrap?!
  • Jack2 (if present): Wrong door, moron!
  • Aurelia (if present): Wrong door, you inebriate!

CL4P-TP: Oh, ginger snaps! Guess I'll have to start over!

  • Athena (if present): You're kidding me.
  • Wilhelm (if present): You're pissing me off, clap!
  • Nisha (if present): Oh COME ON.
  • Claptrap (if present): YOU ARE A DISAPPOINTMENT TO THE FAMILY!
  • Jack2 (if present): GOD, YOU'RE SUPER STUPID!
  • Aurelia (if present): This is why you NEVER use robot help!

Hyperion: HVAC system overloaded.

CL4P-TP: Oh look! It's -- it's snowing!

  • Athena (if present): I don't care.
  • Wilhelm (if present): SO THE HELL WHAT?!
  • Nisha (if present): NOBODY CARES! Keep working.
  • Claptrap (if present): I HATE SNOW! HURRY THE HELL UP!
  • Aurelia (if present): Darling, my patience is expiring at a CATACLYSMIC rate!

Hyperion: Warning: wind speeds exceeding nominal values.

CL4P-TP: Looks like I created a snow tornado! Hooray!

CL4P-TP: I may screw up from time to time, but I love myself and that's what really matters!

  • Athena (if present): NO IT IS NOT!
  • Wilhelm (if present): NO IT AIN'T!
  • Nisha (if present): NO IT ISN'T!
  • Claptrap (if present): NO! IT ISN'T!
  • Jack2 (if present): OF COURSE IT ISN'T!
  • Aurelia (if present): It ABSOLUTELY is NOT!

(Kill all hostiles)

Hyperion: HVAC system equalized.

CL4P-TP: Awwww!

CL4P-TP: I'm moving to another fuse box! Follow me!

  • Athena (if present): Uh-huh. Sure.
  • Wilhelm (if present): Shut up and hurry!
  • Nisha (if present): Yeah, I'm sure this'll work out great.
  • Claptrap (if present): STOP TALKING AND GET IT DONE!
  • Jack2 (if present): I'm so sick of you.
  • Aurelia (if present): I grow TIRED of this!

CL4P-TP: I think I got it! Somebody use the scanner, please!

(Press scanner button)

Hyperion: Access denied. Scans reveal subject is a cat wearing a birthday cap.

Birthday Cat: Meow. Birthday Cat. I like to party. (note: these appear in random order)

CL4P-TP: Whoopsie-daisy! I may have messed up the scanner. Give me a little bit more time!

Birthday Cat: Yo. Birthday Cat. What's up?

Birthday Cat: Meow. Where's the party?

Birthday Cat: Hey everybody. Let's get meow. I mean... down.

Birthday Cat: Alright, so, my thought on this is: ... Meow.

Birthday Cat: Meow.

Birthday Cat: Meow. This sin't even my hat.

Birthday Cat: Meow. I'm 37.

Birthday Cat: This party is going to be purr-fect. Meow.

Birthday Cat: Meow. My girlfriend's name is Tanna.

(Kill all hostiles)

CL4P-TP: Alright, activate the scanner! I've probably got it right this time!

(Press scanner button)

Hyperion: Access denied. Scans reveal subject is a racist hot dog.

Racist Hot Dog: I DON'T LIKE THESE TRUXICANS LOOKIN' AT OUR HAMSTERS! (note: these appear in random order)

CL4P-TP: Darn! I was sure the racist hot dog workaround would do it! Oh well -- time to try again!








Racist Hot Dog: I'M RACIST!

(Kill all hostiles)

Hyperion: Door interface unlocked. Please integrate with terminal to open door.

(True Vault Hunter Mode)

Tiny Tina: Ooh, does the racist hot dog come back?

Athena: No.


(End True Vault Hunter Mode)

CL4P-TP: Oh gee, I dunno about that. Integration can be kind of dangerous--

  • Athena (if present): --DO IT OR I'LL KILL YOU.
  • Wilhelm (if present): --DO IT OR I'LL KILL YOU.
  • Nisha (if present): --DO IT OR I'LL KILL YOU.
  • Claptrap (if present): --DO IT OR I'LL KILL YOU.
  • Jack2 (if present): DO IT OR I'LL KILL YOU.
  • Aurelia (if present): DO IT OR I'LL HAVE YOU DISMANTLED AND--

CL4P-TP: O-kay!

Hyperion: Integration commencing.

CL4P-TP: Hghghghhghghghghghgghghghg!

Hyperion: User authorized. Have a nice day.

CL4P-TP: I'm... dying! I'm dying!

  • Athena (if present): Noted.
  • Wilhelm (if present): Ugh... poor robot.
  • Nisha (if present): Cool. Nobody cares.
  • Claptrap (if present): You disgraced the CL4P-TP name. And so I say to you: good day.
  • Jack2 (if present): Awesome.
  • Aurelia (if present): Well, karma does exist. Look at that.

(True Vault Hunter Mode)

Tiny Tina: This is my favorite part of the story so far.

(End True Vault Hunter Mode)

(Enter Jack's Office)

Jack: Ah, you made it into the office? Great. Uh, do me a favor and turn on that fast travel in there, wouldya?

(Activate Fast Travel)

Jack: For now, I need you to take that claptrap you found and plug him into the security terminal. He can lower the defenses leading to the Eye of Helios laser.

  • Athena (if present): The claptrap died.
  • Wilhelm (if present): That dumbass died.
  • Nisha (if present): Uh, that claptrap kicked the bucket.
  • Claptrap (if present): That inferior claptrap died when the going got rough.
  • Jack2 (if present): The claptrap died, sir. Me. I mean... whatever. Dead, sir.
  • Aurelia (if present): The claptrap is no more, I'm not at all sad to say.

Jack: Are you KIDDING me?! I swear to god, if I ever become CEO I am going to destroy every last one of those friggin' things.

  • Athena (if present): Good.
  • Wilhelm (if present): Damn right.
  • Nisha (if present): Kickass.
  • Claptrap (if present): I'd disagree, but honestly, that guy was the worst, soooo...
  • Jack2 (if present): Great.
  • Aurelia (if present): Lovely!

Jack: Now we can't lower the Helios defenses. Uhhhh... lemme think, lemme think, lemme think...

Gladstone: Jack?! My team is pinned down in R&D -- we're bloody surrounded!

Jack: Sorry, Gladstone, but I...

Jack: ... just had an idea. Vault Hunters, get to R&D and rescue Gladstone's team. They can hack those defenses for us and open the way to the Eye.

Jack: God, I'm smart.

(In Hyperion Hub of Heroism, on way to R&D)

Jack: Hey, here's a thought, Zarpederp -- why don't you just NOT destroy the moon and kill hundreds of innocent people?

Zarpedon: Hundreds now to save millions later. And my name is Zarpedon. Tungsteena Zarpedon.

Jack: Paaahahahahah! Tungsteena Zarpedon -- you must have been SUPER popular in high school! My GOD, your parents were assholes!

(Enter Research and Development)

Gladstone: Oh, glad you made it! Come find me, but be careful -- the torks broke outta their cages.

(Enter Indigenous Species Research)

Gladstone: Kill those torks so we can talk!

Jack: Now that I think about it, I do remember Gladstone. He helped set up R&D on his own -- hired the team all by himself, made a lot of pretty cool stuff. He's a decent enough guy.

Gladstone: Never be safe so long as that laser's still firing.

(Kill torks, approach Gladstone)

Gladstone: I think I can get you to the Eye of Helios. But I need some help.

(Turn in)

Gladstone: Sorry I messed up. I shouldn't have let myself get trapped in here.

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