Forums: Index > Watercooler > Borderlands JOKES

Post your Borderlands jokes here it can be just about everything it just need to contain some stuff from borderlands

I will start: Why do'es Jacobs don't make any grenades? BECAUSE YOU CAN'T MAKE GRENADES OUT OF WOOD

Good luck and happy joking -Casperk WAS HERE 16:10, December 15, 2009 (UTC)

jokes are meant to be funny. try harder next time--Jaguarman134 17:14, December 15, 2009 (UTC)
Also, it IS possible to make grenades from wood. Mr.75 Banhammer.gif 17:41, December 15, 2009 (UTC)

So you gotta wonder, how many girls did Mordecai go through before he got his Bloodwings? Gebraheel 18:30, December 15, 2009 (UTC)

So, if he's called Brick, when he's scared, what does he shit? Mr.75 Banhammer.gif 19:06, December 15, 2009 (UTC)

-Himself. - Waffles ( talk · contribs ) 17:40, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Wait, you can scare him? Fenrakk Sig 23:32, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

why did the claptrap cross the road? to get to the other side--Jaguarman134 17:31, December 15, 2009 (UTC)

"jokes are meant to be funny. try harder next time" Nagamarky 19:31, December 15, 2009 (UTC)
O chicken jokes are funny--Jaguarman134 19:35, December 15, 2009 (UTC)

How many Sirens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Nobne, they can pass through an alternate dimension, who needs lightbulbs? 21:36, December 15, 2009 (UTC)

Roland: This shotgun sucks!
Brick: Why you say dat?
Roland: It's terrible!

How many Bricks does it take to change a light bulb?
Trick question! You need opposable thumbs to change a light bulb.

Q:How many skags would Brick eat if Brick could eat skags?
A:All of them.

Brick, Lilith, and Mordecai all ask for the soup at the local dinner. In each bowl is a fly.
Lilith uses her Amazing Powers to lift the fly into the air and incinerate it.
Mordecai, with a calculated flick, launches his fly into the exact center of Brick's bowl.
Brick picks up the bowl, slurps down its contents, then eats the bowl.

Q:How can you tell when Roland likes a bandit?
A:He shoots them in the head.

Q:How can you tell when Roland hates a bandit?
A:He shoots them in the head.

Q:Whats the difference between Brick and Skagzilla?
A: One is a hideous monster that feasts on the flesh of its prey, the other is just a big skag.

Q: What's the last thing to go through bandits' minds when they meet Brick?
A: Brick's fist.

--I love the smell of NapalmEnima in the morning! 22:01, December 15, 2009 (UTC)

It's funny, because even though after reading the first one, I could almost predict what was comming next I still got a good chuckle. Good show napalm, good show. Gebraheel 03:59, December 16, 2009 (UTC)

Most of those are pretty good, good work McNibbles 09:30, March 22, 2010 (UTC)

Brick, Lilith, and Marcus each have a useless weapon.

Lilith, knowing the weapon is useless, easily obliterates it with her powers.

Marcus takes the weapons, spit-shines it, and sells it for five times it's actual worth.

Brick crushes the weapon then eats it, he hadn't gotten his daily value of iron yet.

ZylotheWolfbane 06:45, March 22, 2010 (UTC)

... No, just no, guys. Please no more "attempts" at jokes. - K1ng 07:01, March 22, 2010 (UTC)

Yea...There is only one joke on this entire page that I thought was funny.

"Roland: This shotgun sucks! Brick: Why you say dat? Roland: It's terrible!"

Props, NapalmEnima. Thanks. CrapStomper 21:54, March 22, 2010 (UTC)

Why cant lilith drive a Car? Because she's a woman.

Why was this joke not funny? Cuz he's an idiot. LoZ4Ever 22:37, March 22, 2010 (UTC)

Brick has never fired a bullet ever. The bullets shoot out of his gun to get away from him.

America invaded Iraq looking for WMDs. Turns out Mordecai just left his Bessie there.

Lilith will become Moxxi's 4th spouse.

You didn't shoot Crawmerax's claw off. Roland ran up to Craw, ripped off his claw, and ran back. You missed. -- SanguisDiabolus 02:26, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Mordecai: Wait up, I have to reload.

Roland: You have to what? Freed23 02:52, March 23, 2010 (UTC)


LOL! I would be lying if I didnt say thats the first thiong I did reading that. Lone-Wanderer 03:24, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Agreed, nice one, Freed23

Mordecai: I don't get it, my new mod says I should be getting loads of ammo from these skag piles.

Roland: Those aren't skag piles, Brick just ate a burrito.

Mordecai: Then why is there a small child in here? 04:32, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

I think all y'all are being a lil stiff. I'm laughin at a lot of the jokes on here. Hellz Lips 04:35, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Ya, I agree with Hellz. That terrible shotgun joke was great! Tellegro 04:54, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Some are sweet but brick and skagzilla are my fav, too bad my humor emitter must rechargeDemonique 11:11, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Freed23 Keep going please :) TreeJs 12:41, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Okay, let me try some double entendre jokes...

Lilith and Mordecai just killed a bandit patrol, Lilith found a weapons chest, but the lock was damaged and she is having trouble getting it open. She comes out from behind a rock (where the chest is).

Lilith: Hey Mordecai!

Mordecai: Yeah, what do you need?

Lilith: Can you help me with my Chest?

Mordecai (with a smile on his face and stifling laughing): ... Bow Chicka Bow Wow :)

Lilith: ...

And another,

Mordecai is driving a runner, and sees another runner that was destroyed. Beside it is Lilith. Mordecai drives up to her.

Mordecai: Looks like your runner was just made sweet love to by Brick.

Lilith: Yeah, Could you give me a ride?

Mordecai (with a smile on his face and stifling laughing): ... Bow Chicka Bow Wow :)

Lilith: ...

Lilith (now irritated): DAMMIT MORDECAI, WILL YOU STOP THAT!

thats all for now. Lone-Wanderer 15:36, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Lilith: Mordecai, I need help with this Bloated Rakk!

Mordecai (giggling): ... Bow Chicka Bow Wow :)

Lilith: ...

FireStridr 16:40, March 25, 2010 (UTC)

....Really?....Really??...Bow Chicka Bow Wow...what the hell does that even mean? Where did that phrase come from? It makes me insane...I HATE IT. I FREAKIN HATE IT. But ya, id definitly help Lillith with her chest and giving her a ride...on my Lancer of course...she's not into runners...too fast...ya know? CrapStomper 16:55, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Well, I got the Bow Chicka Bow Wow from RvB. As for where the actual phrase comes from, its suppose to be the basic tune to all 1970 porno soundtracks. Which also answers why its always used with sexual innuendo. Thank god for Wikipedia... Lone-Wanderer 17:00, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Ah, thanks for the clarification. I never did watch much 70's porn. The phrase just bothers me. I dont know why. It just does. Makes me want to pick my brains out. CrapStomper 17:25, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Name that movie-

Roland: *looks at Destroyer* I've seen this movie before, the black guy dies first!

I took all the wrong messages away from Fight Club...Rampant Anarchist 17:55, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Hey! Buddy! Rule Number One. Don't talk about Fight Club. Uncle Jimbo13 07:36, March 25, 2010 (UTC)

Why did Roland quit the Crimson Lance?

Because having a job caused him to lose his welfare check.GT: ConceitedJarrad XBOX360 19:04, March 23, 2010 (UTC) 18:10, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

What is Mordecai's favorite condiment?

Weaksauce. GT: ConceitedJarrad XBOX360 19:04, March 23, 2010 (UTC) 18:12, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

What do you call a Siren from South Carolina that can phasewalk away from all of her brothers?

A virgin.GT: ConceitedJarrad XBOX360 19:04, March 23, 2010 (UTC)18:13, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Q:"What never shuts up but is impossible to find?"

A: Claptrap CrapStomper 18:24, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

This is all in good humor but I do not want to be associated with any racism. Jarrad, take that shit off here, ya bigot. And i before e except after c. Hellz Lips 18:49, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Explain the racism please. I am not seeing it.GT: ConceitedJarrad XBOX360 19:04, March 23, 2010 (UTC)18:53, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Your joke about Roland suggests that its stereotypical of African Americans to be on welfare...and ya... i before e except after CrapStomper 18:57, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Roland is the only vault hunter with any reported job history. The joke would not work with the others. Perhaps the racist is the person who assumes a welfare joke must have to do with race. Intersting, no one complained about the South Carolinian incestual redneck joke.GT: ConceitedJarrad XBOX360 19:03, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Hellz would probably be refering to

" Why did Roland quit the Crimson Lance?

Because having a job caused him to lose his welfare check." It falls into the Stero-type class. I am the Keeper of Useless Knowledge ~ Proven Mayhem 19:06, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Lillith's gun of choice when on the rag. Hyperion Bitch. CrapStomper 19:07, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

That's sexist. Take that outta here. GT: ConceitedJarrad XBOX360 19:08, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Are you admitting that you bleed out your vagina too? cuz thats just being ignorant, or you admit that you have a vagina? Hellz Lips 19:26, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Haha. Aight im done posting in this topic. CrapStomper 19:12, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

@jarrad, you got your soapbox and all your cards stacked. i see daddy taught you that being a man means sticking to whatever ill gotten belief you pop a chubby for, and not having the decency to respect somebody elses opinion. everybody watch out, jarrad is gonna dissect everything on this page henceforth, but im gonna leave it alone from here on out. my daddy taught me to be real Hellz Lips 19:18, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

It's called off-color humor. It's the kind of humor that would be offensive if it included the n-word and was used by a comedian that isn't black. It covers any subject considered taboo. Like, with my favorite joke, "Why was Helen Keller such a bad driver?" one would come to the obvious conclusion that it was due to the fact that she was completely deaf and blind. But, with the conclusion of the joke,"Because she was a woman," I am mocking of the time when such sexism was tolerable and mainstream. Had this joke been put forth as fact in modern society, it would be considered extremely offensive, bigotous, and ignorant. The fact that it is put forth as a joke is what makes it humorous. I'm not actually sexist (or racist, for that matter), but it is hilarious. - Waffles ( talk · contribs ) 19:53, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

I'd bring it back to the jokes, sorry to pull away from it, but i got nothing funny that comes to mind, Hellz Lips 19:19, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Thank you for admitting that you are, in fact, a racist.GT: ConceitedJarrad XBOX360 19:25, March 23, 2010 (UTC) I'm not, and I'm not stupid, I know the idea of off color or black humor. I'm sorry for jackin up this page, and I said I'm gonna leave it alone. So let's stop editing around my posts, just drop it. and if jarrad erases his responses (leave the jokes up or whatever) I'll erase mine. But stop making assumptions on me, balls in the court.Hellz Lips 19:59, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Q:How many guns does it take to kill a planet?

A:87 bazillion

Q: Why Is tediore Mordecai's favorite Manufacturer?

A: Because theyre CHEAP! (The Evil Dr. F's note - CHEEP! or "CHEAP"! ?)

q. whats worser tha a bigot, a racist , a femminist , a sexist , and jokes about borderlands?

a, scooter trying to intellegently tell you you something. " hey act all casual like when i say this, im gonna speak in "coad", so i hope you got the mental capasity to follow. your...... " lady friend" to me to send you to moxxxis place...... when you stop by huh, if you know what im saying"

scooter is definitly from the dukes of hazzard sitcom, theres to much simularitys

Roland walks up and shoots you in the face.

NOPE, he dosn't have tresspass, game over. Prophet of the word 23:20, March 23, 2010 (UTC

I am Mordecai. Prophet of the word 23:57, March 23, 2010 (UTC

Q:Why where the phycos too much for t.k. baha to handle?

A:Because t.k. baha "only shoots skag"

Q:Whats the easiest thing to catch on Pandora?

A:"catch a Riieed!"

that is all i have right nowCelestalBrushExpert 00:54, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

Scooter named the "Catch a Riieed System" after his mother.

The only way to kill Crawmerax is by igniting the World largest bullet.

Roland walks into a bar with a beatiful parrot on his shoulder. "Wow," says the bartender. "That is really something. Where'd you get it?"

"Africa," says the parrot

^^^ dude, that so wrong, and yet I still laugh at it. Im a bad boy... Lone-Wanderer 01:45, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

Lol, all the people arguing over racisim/sexisim etc. is almost as funny as all the jokes XD I am not a racist, I am an equal-oppurtunity hater. Now for a joke!

What does Scooter do when a female bandit insults him?

Runner over

ZylotheWolfbane 03:50, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

Im with you Zylo its to amusing watching them argue whos racist/whos sexist lol.. HAHA Mordecai is cheap, that is the best one yet. TreeJs 04:11, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

What does Lilith and a beer bottle have in common? There both empty from the neck up.

Must we continue with the sexism?

If id to asume the guys wouldnt just digg up old flat jokes, id assume it be sexism, or a way for them to cope with how awesome lilith is ;)

Anyways im not offended and im born with an uterus so...

This is funny. Not the jokes i mean, just the fact that this guy started with a wooden joke (literally) that wasn't that funny, and now this page has exploded into, well THIS!

Q:What do you get when you cross Brick and a gorilla?

A: A stupid gorilla

Q: How can you tell if Roland is lying? A: His lips are moving.

Q: Why doesn't Mordecai take off his mask? A: He broke enough mirrors with his ugly face as is.

Q: Why is Lilith the best character in the game? A: She's a hot chick with a gun

(Ok, maybe that last one was just truth instead of a joke, but oh well)

Q: What do you get when you cross Nine Toes with Skagzilla? A: No Toes left

Q: Why did Moxxi name Scooter after his sister? A: They both looked like girls

Q: Why did Marcus and Moxxi get divorced? A: Marcus tried to invest in prostitution but Moxxi wanted a fair cut

Q: What do you get when you cross The Destroyer with Commandant Steele on her period? A: Two of the same thing

Q: Why does Brick start off using a Busted Shotgun? A: He tried to fix it

Q: Why doesn't Roland's turret do anything cool like the newer lance turrets? A: Roland has the Ghetto Turret

Q: What do you get when you give Brick a Redemtion? A: He sells it for more bolts to put on his fists

And lastly, why is it that Mordecai, the only hispanic in the game, has a skill called Trespass? I leave that answer to you readers.

ZylotheWolfbane 07:03, March 25, 2010 (UTC)

How do you know Mordecai is Hispanic? SniperSam 10:00, March 25, 2010 (UTC)

His voice actor is Hispanic, personally he sounds Dutch-Irish to me and nothing is currently as funny to me as watching Bloodwing ping pong around everyone because I have Bird of Prey boosted so high. Cold Phx 13:44, March 25, 2010 (UTC)

If he is hispanic its Spain hispanic, not mexican. Also he likes to yell alot.Prophet of the word 00:15, March 26, 2010 (UTC)

(The Evil Dr. F's note - hispanic means spanish speaking. spanish is euro, latino/a is la raza del sol)

Not actually a joke itself but funny as hell

01:32 - pl1: break or finsih moxxy and kick the gully?

01:33 - pl2: break

01:33 - pl2: because i wouldnt want to do moxxi at all

01:33 - pl1: +1 skill point is the win

01:33 - pl2: well actually i would

01:33 - pl2: oh damn is that what it gives?

01:33 - pl1: yes

01:33 -pl1: dont tell me you never did?

01:34 - pl2: i thought it have inventory upgrade

01:34 - pl1: HAHAHAHA

01:34 - pl2: nope, always frustraited me

Demonique 00:41, March 26, 2010 (UTC)

mord found a revolver in a skag pile

brick found an smg in a mord pile

lilith found a rocket launcher in a brick pile

(after days of searching) 22:21, September 24, 2010 (UTC)error 404 identity not found

Wow, old thread is old. My first post (and argument) on the wiki is in here.GT: ConceitedJarrad XBOX360 00:31, September 25, 2010 (UTC)

Yeah, mine too, with you... no beef with you man. and just like last time, i got no jokes They call me Hellz Lips 01:44, September 25, 2010 (UTC)

I think we got over it pretty quick.GT: ConceitedJarrad XBOX360 01:48, September 25, 2010 (UTC)

Q: Why did Marcus and Moxxi get divorced?

A: Marcus tried to invest in prostitution but Moxxi wanted a fair cut

this by zylo the wolfbane and

Q:Whats the difference between Brick and Skagzilla?
A: One is a hideous monster that feasts on the flesh of its prey, the other is just a big skag.

this by napalm enima

ar my two favorite jokes here. The Hunter Of Souls 08:43, September 25, 2010 (UTC)

Maybe it is an old thread, but I still had some quality laughs reading it through again.  Dr Hax headshot  Skeve613ask Dr. Hax  03:40, September 26, 2010 (UTC)