Claptrap: Another Clapslist request, another seven-year-old job to do! The Lord of Skags needs your help freeing Pandora from the tyranny of UG-THAK or whatever! Go see if he still needs help.
(Vault Hunter talks to Edgren.)
Edgren: A Vault Hunter?! Whatever it was, I didn’t do it! Or did. If it was cool.
- FL4K (if present): I seek the Lord of Skags.
- Amara (if present): I'm looking for the Lord of Skags.
- Moze (if present): You the Lord of Skags?
- Zane (if present): Lookin' for a Lord of Skags. Y'seen im?
Edgren: I haven’t heard that name in, like, seven years! That’s some serious lag. I’m just Edgren now. But tyranny still reigns Pandora. I’m talkin’ about the most fiendish evil at all: bandwidth throttling. There’s a Hyperion ECHOnet hub nearby — you gotta get over there and smash that throttler for me. Back in the glory days, I was known as “Lord of Skags”! That’s right, you’re in the presence of Pandora’s former most elite pro gamer. Fourteen years old and I was on top of the world.
- FL4K (if present): Who would hunt in a simulation when there are living things to hunt?
- Amara (if present): So you kill fake people for fame? Huh, here I've been killing real people all this time!
- Moze (if present): Pro gamer? Kill me in real life then we'll talk.
- Zane (if present): Pro gamer? That's like a fighter without the fightin', right?
Edgren: It’s a viable career path! Anyway, I was the best. Even better than Handsome Jack himself. And that try-hard did NOT like getting out-played by kids. So he installed an ECHO-throttler… the UG-THAK. Used it to fast-line his own connection and slow the rest. I’m talkin’ whole MILLISECONDS of lag. Ugh… it was a slaughter.
(Vault Hunter reaches ECHO Repeater Center.)
Edgren: That’s the ECHOnet hub. The UG-THAK is somewhere inside! Careful, there’s COV swarming all over the place.
(Vault Hunter locates UG-THAK.)
Edgren: The UG-THAK! It’s even more evil than I imagined. Crush-wreck that thing and I can finally get my connection speeds back up!
(Vault Hunter tries to destroy UG-THAK.)
Edgren: Wellll, crap-titties. That’s a Hyperion firewall, I can’t get through that. But… I think I know someone who can.
Pinglover Psycho: The Vault Hunter is coming for UG-THAK! Our divine distributor of pings! REND THEM, BROTHERS AND SISTERS!
Edgren: Hold them off, Vault Hunter!
(Vault Hunter kills some COV.)
Lord of Skags: The Lord of Skags has logged back on! Where once I fragged for glory, now I hack for freedom! We shall bring bandwidth back to Pandora! No longer shall we suffer stale, ten-second-old memes! Without memes, how will we know what’s funny? Pandora will have only the freshest, choicest memes! Like Two-Smock jeff! Heh-heh, how’d he even GET a second smack? Uh, heh-heh-heh… no? Uh, heh, uh — ‘kay, that meme’s dead. Real cringe, am I right? Heh-heh-heh… oh, damn you, UG-THAK! This is what I’m talking about! Uhhhh, lemme see — here’s a guy doing a headstand with a cork in his butt and it says “poop champagne”! Hahaha! Great meme! — Agh, that one’s old too! UG-THAAAK!
(Vault Hunter kills all COV.)
Lord of Skags: I am waging our war on the digital battlefield, while you fight in the meat-space! Together, we’re gonna launch a Denial of Shielding attack! You need to open up ports around the ECHO hub so I can jack in and overload that shield! I gotta collect the choicest memes to dump into UG-THAK and overload its shield! All the newest stuff!
(Vault Hunter opens the first tube.)
Lord of Skags: The first port is clear! UG-THAK’s grip is loosening! I just found a picture of Mr. Torgue, heh-heh, but his face is upside down! Hahaha, great meme!
(Vault Hunter opens the second tube.)
Lord of Skags: You’re doing it! This meme just says “BECOME A CRAB”. Uh, hahaha — sure!
(Vault Hunter opens the third tube.)
Lord of Skags: The memes must flow! Ohhh, got a two-second video of a teenager getting picked up by a rakk. Kinda dark. But hilarious!
(Vault Hunter opens the fourth tube.)
Lord of Skags: Port clear! Got a new meme, it’s a baby made of antimatter! He wants to touch everything! No, don’t hug Grandma! Ohhhhh-hoho, he did it! Dank. One more to go!
(Vault Hunter opens the last tube.)
Lord of Skags: All ports are clear! Launching meme bomb! Uploading to UG-THAK! It can’t handle the dankness! The firewall has fallen! Now thrash that UG-THAK, Vault Hunter!
(Vault Hunter destroys UG-THAK.)
Lord of Skags: The tyrant of the ECHOnet has fallen! Lord of Skags has struck a mighty mem-y blow against bandwidth throttling! Vault Hunter, for your service, I dub thee MemeCrusader_2! Come and claim your reward money. Pandora may not have running water, or vegetables, or libraries that aren’t on fire, but as long as we have dank memes, we are free! Lord of Skags, signing off!
(Vault Hunter talks to Edgren.)
Edgren: So… full disclosure, Vault Hunter. I was never gonna go back to pro gaming. I aged out. I ‘m not fourteen anymore. Gotta grow up sometime. Nowadays, I make my living mining BECHO wafers. it’s a cryptocoin, y’know. No big, pretty cool. I don’t have time to explain how it works, but now that my bandwidth is straight-up bangin’. I’m gonna be friggin’ rich! Thanks, Vault Hunter! I’m gonna make so much frickin’ money on cryptocoin! So hey, how about you take all this stupid paper money? I’m certainly not gonna need it anymore! Ha-HA!