The following is a transcript of Episode 3: Catch a Ride of Telltale Games' Tales from the Borderlands.
Marcus Kincaid (Narration): Back so soon? What’s the rush? Ok, ok, sit down, shut up and pay attention. The misfit Vault Hunters had discovered the secret location of the Gortys Project, but getting there wouldn’t be easy. Hyperion had not forgotten about their renegade employees and the native Pandoran wildlife was, uh, “just getting to know them.” They escaped with their lives, but not much else. Out in the wasteland, the former middle manager discovered Handsome Jack riding shotgun in his brain while having a shotgun pointed at his head. A precarious position to be sure, but nothing compared to the con-artist. The price on her head had attracted all kinds of thugs and gunmen.
Marcus Kincaid (Narration): You’d think that would have been the end of her story, but hey, you never know when a polite, reprogrammed killing machine will drop in and save the day!
Marcus Kincaid (Narration): You’d think that would have been the end of her story, but it turns out that even legends struggle with the demands of a personal life.
Marcus Kincaid (Narration): Back on the trail of the Gortys Project, they found a wondrous, hidden city risen from the corpse of a ghost town. But unfortunately, their moment of awe and victory was to be the advantage of their opponents. Taken hostage and forced to surrender the keys to the kingdom, they had to go all in on one last gamble. This chapter of the story begins with the questionable choice to trust…
Marcus Kincaid (Narration): ...the Pandoran hustler.
Marcus Kincaid (Narration): ...Handsome Jack.
Pandora (Present)[]
A technical, driven by Fiona, is driving on the road. Rhys and the Masked Kidnapper are riding with her. The latter has their shotgun out. Rhys is the playable character.
Masked Kidnapper: So…
Masked Kidnapper: That must have been a tough decision.
Fiona: What, he’s supposed to trust the psychopath?
Masked Kidnapper: At least the psychopath had a plan.
Fiona: That’s fair.
Masked Kidnapper: Why did you choose Fiona? Especially when you consider your obsession with Jack.
Fiona: He still doesn’t think of it as an obsession.
Masked Kidnapper: We all know what it is.
Rhys: I didn’t trust Jack. Y’know he’s… he’s unpredictable at best.
Masked Kidnapper: So it had less to do with trusting Fiona.
Rhys: Oh, yeah, yeah, no, no. Jack being nuts is what made it an easy call.
Fiona: (sarcastically) Thanks.
Rhys: Well, I trusted her. I mean, what can I say? She never gave me a reason not to.
Fiona: Thanks.
Masked Kidnapper: Hmm… that’s interesting.
Rhys: We were a team. It was an easy call. I mean, when it gets tough, you stick with your team in a situation like that.
Fiona: It was the only choice.
Rhys: I just really didn’t want Jack getting any more power over me than he already had.
Masked Kidnapper: So it had less to do with trusting Fiona.
Rhys: Oh, yeah, yeah, no, no. Jack being nuts is what made it an easy call.
Fiona: (sarcastically) Thanks.
Rhys says nothing.
Masked Kidnapper: You chose a bonafide nutcase over Fiona.
Fiona: Yes, he did.
Rhys: Uh, kinda overestimating Fiona’s sanity with that statement.
Fiona: Being around you would make anyone nuts after a while.
Masked Kidnapper: I’m starting to get that.
Rhys: I-- I’m sorry, are you guys teaming up now? Cause, I kinda feel like you are, heh heh.
Masked Kidnapper: Why did you choose Jack? When all of Pandoran recorded history would tell you it’s… a risky choice. We’re talking about Handsome Jack here.
Rhys: He had a plan. Plain and simple.
Fiona: Hey, I had a plan! It wasn’t the greatest plan, sure, but… it was better than trusting Handsome Jack.
Rhys: Look, guys… he was my hero, okay? What could I do?
Fiona: Uh, you could’ve put your fanboy shit aside and done the responsible thing.
Rhys: In all honesty… I didn’t trust Fiona.
Fiona will remember that.
Fiona: Yeah, that’s pretty clear.
Rhys: Still don’t, really.
Fiona: Also clear.
Masked Kidnapper: But you trusted Jack?
Fiona: Can I answer for him?
The technical suddenly hits something and swerves out of control.
Rhys: Oh, whoa, whoa!
Fiona: Aaarrgh!
The truck stops just before falling off a cliff. One of the front tires is now flat. They all get out of the vehicle.
Fiona: I don’t suppose there’s a spare for the spare.
Rhys: Well if there is, I’m not changing it this time.
Masked Kidnapper: We’re close… we can walk it from here.
Fiona: Where the hell is “here?”
Rhys: Yeah. And why is it where we are?
Masked Kidnapper: I’ll tell you when I find what we’re looking for. (clutches shotgun and motions them to move)
Rhys and Fiona walk past them. The Masked Kidnapper follows them.
Masked Kidnapper: So what happened next?
Rhys: Well, things started out fine…
Gortys Protocol Room (Past)[]
It cuts back to where the previous episode ended. After the smoke from the grenade settles, Rhys and Fiona are no longer on the platform, to August and Vasquez’s surprise. The drones do still hover around. A hatch in the middle of the platform is open, where Rhys and Fiona are climbing down a ladder. Fiona, who is holding Gortys, is now the playable character. She and Rhys continue to climb down.
Rhys: Okay so THIS was your plan?
Fiona: Just give me a light so I can see what I am doing.
Rhys: Fine. Here. (turns on flashlight on cybernetic arm)
Fiona: Let’s move.
Rhys: Well? Where are we? Where are we even going? Because we are not helping them right now.
Fiona: No idea.
Rhys: (sarcastically) Oh, good. We have to get back there. Vaughn and Sasha--
Fiona: I know.
They stop climbing down as gunshots are heard above.
Rhys: Um, Fiona…
Fiona: Yeah.
They climb down to the bottom. Fiona sneaks over to a grate. Through it, she sees a bandit, Gary, walking by. A drone suddenly guns the bandit down out of view. The drone flies over him as a fellow bandit shoots the drone, causing it to fall on Gary’s head, killing him. The bandit walks over to Gary and bends down.
Bandit: Sorry, Gary.
Rhys bends down behind Fiona.
Rhys: What’s going--
Fiona shoves Gortys into his stomach.
Fiona: (whispers) Shut up!
Rhys: (whispers) --on.
Fiona crawls through the short shaft up to the grate.
August (ECHO): (to the bandit) You find anything yet?
Bandit: (stands up) Nah. Gary’s dead.
August (ECHO): Who?
Bandit: Gary.
August (ECHO): Oh, right… Just find them and we can put an end to all this. (cuts out)
Bandit: ...already ended for Gary. (walks away)
Fiona: (to Rhys) Stay here.
Rhys: Yeah, I’ll stay here and… look after the ball.
Fiona: Shhhh! (pushes grate off and steps out of the vent)
She walks behind a box behind the bandit. The bandit walks forward. Fiona can move to further cover, either a left or right box.
Bandit: Hey! Just come out, all right? Honestly, I- I will probably hurt you. So how quickly you come out will probably have to do with how much I hurt you. So if you come out quick, then dandy. Just getting that out there.
Fiona grabs the bandit in a choke hold and strangles her to death. Rhys walks over.
Rhys: Yeah, I did that once. You wanna get in there, real good and tight…
Fiona: Yeah. Heard that didn’t go so great.
Rhys: Wha… Um. Hey, over there’s something…
Fiona picks up some of the bandit’s money off the ground and pockets it.
BANK ACCOUNT +$500Fiona and Rhys walk forward. They suddenly see an automated turret. It takes aim at them. Rhys hides behind a crate while Fiona dodges to the right as it shoots at them.
The bandit walks forward and sees something.
Bandit: What the hell is--
An unseen turret shoots the bandit to death. Fiona leans against a wall and sees the turret. Rhys walks up to her.
Rhys: Holy crap! (walks forward)
Fiona: Damn it, Rhys. Keep your head down!
Rhys: You think I’m sticking my head up again after that?
Fiona: No, I’ll tell you when to go, okay?
Rhys: I got it. I go when you say so.
Fiona: Now!
Rhys moves to the next crate for cover while Fiona moves to the crate Rhys was behind.
Fiona: Go!
Rhys moves to the next crate for cover while Fiona moves to the crate Rhys was behind.
Fiona: Go!
Rhys runs past the turret into the next room while Fiona moves to the crate Rhys was behind. Suddenly, a bandit jumps from the ceiling and pounces on Rhys.
Rhys: Hands off!
He and the bandit struggle with Gortys. When the turret’s not looking, Fiona runs past it and punches the bandit.
Rhys: Oof! (drops Gortys)
The Gortys ball rolls away. The bandit gets up and grabs it. He laughs as he runs away. Fiona tries to chase him but they stop as the bandit gets shot to death by two other turrets. Fiona hides behind a desk. Fiona notices the ball on the other side of the room.
Fiona: Aw, shit.
Rhys: Are you okay?
Fiona: Yeah!
Rhys: We can get up to the lobby from back here!
Fiona: No, we need Gortys first!
Rhys: You didn’t get it?
Fiona: Focus, Rhys. We need Gortys back or this whole thing’s shot. But how?
The turrets continue to survey the room.
Rhys: Got it all planned out. You throw your hat at exactly the right time so that the turrets shoot each other and blow up. We don’t have much time. Who knows how long Vasquez will keep Sasha and Vaughn around? We need to get Gortys and get upstairs!
Fiona: Not bad, Rhys.
Rhys: Well, I have my moments.
Fiona: One so far.
Fiona: You throw something!
Rhys: (laughs) Clearly you’ve never seen me throw something.
Fiona: Bad?
Fiona: But I like my hat...
Rhys: Well, you can buy a new one. You’ll be rich!
Rhys: Look, I know you love that stupid thing but it makes your head look big and you should just get rid of it already, okay? Also we’re kind of in a hurry.
Fiona stands up and throws her hat to the middle of the two turrets. They both lock onto the hat and aim at each other, causing them to shoot each other and destroy themselves.
Fiona: (jumps happily) Touchgoal- or, shit- I dunno- I’m happy! (laughs and runs over to pick up Gortys)
Rhys: (walks over to Fiona) Touchgo-- touchgoal?
Fiona: Shut up. Take this. (gives Gortys to Rhys) I’ll give you a boost.
They walk over to underneath a railing above them, which is the lobby floor. Fiona bends down and holds out her hands to boost up Rhys. Rhys steps onto her hands as Fiona has a hard time lifting Rhys up.
Fiona: You… are so heavy…
Rhys: (laughs) It’s the arm. And the ice cream.
Fiona: I… hate you… so much…
Rhys makes it to the floor. He bends down and reaches his hand out to Fiona. She grabs his arm and Rhys struggles quite a bit with pulling her up.
Fiona: How are you so weak!? Come on!
Rhys: Maybe if you’d help me, I could--
Loader Bot suddenly flies above them and grabs Rhys and Fiona and pulls them up to the lobby floor. Fiona falls and drops Gortys, causing the ball to roll over to a bandit being shot to death by a drone. Loader Bot lands on the floor holding Rhys upside down.
Loader Bot: Hi. (punches Rhys in the stomach)
Rhys: Oof!
Loader Bot: I am sorry. (continues to punch Rhys)
Fiona stands up. She sees Vasquez stand over Vaughn on the ground.
Vasquez: What could’ve been becomes what is!
Fiona sees Vasquez is controlling Loader Bot to hurt Rhys with the remote. He makes Loader Bot hold Rhys up and stretch his body.
Rhys: Woahwoahwoah!
Loader Bot: Does not compute.
Fiona sees an antenna sticking up from Loader Bot’s head. Fiona runs over to him.
Vasquez: Who’s the Wallethead now?
Fiona jumps forward and grabs the antenna off of Loader Bot. He lets go of Rhys. Vasquez gets distracted and shoots at a couple drones.
Vasquez: Son of a bitch! I hate these things!
Fiona throws the antenna at Vasquez, hitting him in the head and making him drop the remote.
Vasquez: MY FACE!
Vaughn stands up and stomps on the remote.
Vaughn: Yeah, baby.
Loader Bot: Thanks.
Fiona jumps over Loader Bot and punches Vasquez, making him drop the remote.
Vaughn stands up and stomps on the remote.
Vaughn: Yeah, baby.
Loader Bot: (drops Rhys) Thanks.
Fiona: Nice. (stands up)
Vaughn: Thanks. Nice… uh, dismount.
Vasquez starts to get up as more drones surround them. Fiona, Vaughn, and Rhys run away while Loader Bot smashes a drone. Fiona grabs Gortys before continuing to run.
Vaughn: I’m not trying to be braggy, but I was pretty awesome back --
A drone flies in front of them.
Vaughn: What the crap?
The drone shoots a dart at them.
Vaughn: Ow, I jrrirrhnngnhn! (becomes paralyzed and falls down)
Loader Bot jumps behind this drone and destroys it. Rhys runs over and sees Vaughn.
Rhys: Vaughn! (runs over and bends down to him) Come on, buddy, talk to me!
Vaughn: Hnrnwwngh!
Fiona: Crap. Loader Bot, would you mind?
Loader Bot walks to Vaughn.
Rhys: He can’t move. He can’t move!
Loader Bot: Okay.
More drones fly over and kill more bandits. Fiona and Rhys hide behind the Atlas statue. A drone is about to attack Fiona but Loader Bot, holding Vaughn, grabs it and throws it into another drone. He sets Vaughn on the ground and hides as well. Loader Bot grabs a nearby bandit and throws him across the room to where Sasha is. She shoots a bit before running behind the Atlas statue to hide. She sees Fiona and her friends.
Sasha: Thank god you made it-- (sees Vaughn) Holy crap, what happened to him?
Rhys: You still breathing? That’s-- that’s pretty important. Uhh. Look around anxiously twice if you’re still breathing!
Vaughn: Wuwahngnwah.
Rhys: I’ll take it.
Fiona: We’ll figure it out when we get out of here!
Fiona: He just had a little accident with a… a zappy robot… It might’ve been my fault.
Fiona: Aw come on, he’s fine! Right, Vaughn?
Vaughn: Hhrrnnruhhh!
Fiona says nothing.
Sasha: Okay, well, hopefully we can still get him out of here.
Drones and bandits continue to clash and fly across the room.
Sasha: Hey, I’m open to suggestions here, guys.
Fiona: Do you have an extra gun?
Sasha stands up and shoots a nearby bandit with a gun. He dies and falls next to Fiona.
Sasha: (crouches) There.
Fiona tosses Gortys to Rhys. She picks up the gun and peeks up. The bandits and drones continue to fight.
Loader Bot: Calculating...
Vaughn: Uuuiaahhh.
Rhys: What’s that Vaughn?
Vaughn: Uuiiuuiiwuhhh!!
Rhys: I can’t understand you!
Fiona crouches back down.
Fiona: Sasha, the ankles!
Fiona: Loader Bot, get pushing on that statue. Sash, let’s go.
Fiona: What do you think?
Rhys: We blow up the front door.
Another bandit lands near Fiona.
Loader Bot: I will push. You shoot out the legs.
Another bandit lands near Fiona.
Loader Bot: I will push. You shoot out the legs.
Loader Bot steps up and places his hands on the statue’s behind.
Loader Bot: All I can do is try.
Rhys: Come on, hurry up.
Loader Bot: Trying. Please wait.
Fiona and Sasha shoot out the ankles.
Sasha shoots out the other ankle.
Loader Bot pushes the statue over. The globe it is holding rolls forward quickly and smashes the main door open and crushing a bandit along the way.
Rhys: Woo!
Gortys Protocol Room (Past)[]
It cuts back to where the previous episode ended. Rhys, with the Handsome Jack AI’s help, is controlling all of the drones surrounding him and Fiona.
Jack: (laughs) Hail to the king, baby. (laughs)
The drones turn and move toward the window to the lobby room, to Vasquez and August’s shock.
Jack: (to Rhys) Hey, kid. What’re you doin’?
Rhys: You mean… I’m controlling the drones?
Jack: Yeah, well, with my help! But yeah. Let’s get killin’, cupcake.
Fiona: Rhys...
Jack: Come on. Guns. Let’s go!
Fiona: I’m just standing here, holding this grenade.
Jack: Rhys, what is this, buddy? You gun shy?
Fiona: I should put it away, but I’m just holding it. Why am I holding it?
Jack: It’s okay, it happens to everybody.
Fiona: Maybe I’ll still throw it.
Jack: You just gotta man up, kiddo.
Fiona: You kind of ruined my plan here.
Jack: Or you could just, you know… let me do it.
Rhys directs the drones to shoot out the window.
Fiona: We have to get up there. Get us up there! Sasha!
Jack: Yeah, get us up there, Rhys!
Rhys: Yeah, yeah, I got it!
Rhys controls some mechanisms to attach themselves under the platform. The drones continue to shoot at the window.
Jack: Come on, come on, let’s go!
Fiona: Sasha! Vaughn!
Jack: You made the right choice, kid. I’m really proud of you. Don’t let it go to your head.
Fiona: Hurry up, Rhys!
Jack: Yeah, hurry up, Rhys! God she is so cute when she gets excited.
Rhys moves the platform up to the window. The drones finally shoot out the window. Everyone in the lobby flies back from the impact.
Jack: YEEEESSSSSSS! Ha haaa ha ha ha ha! Oh-ho yeah! ALL OF EM! GET ALL OF EM! WOO! Ha haa!
The platform attaches itself to the wall to the lobby.
Fiona: Watch it, Rhys!
Rhys notices August reaching for his gun and Vasquez reaching for his remote. Rhys sticks his arm out to control a drone.
Fiona: This is insane.
Jack: SHE’S RIGHT! She’s- She’s a woman, and she’s right! Ha! (laughs and coughs)
A drone shoots August in the shoulder.
August: Argh! Come on!
Sasha gets up and picks up her and runs away. Jack continues to laugh. Rhys then notices Vasquez still has Vaughn hostage. Vasquez is holding the remote.
Vasquez: Loader Bot, I need your help! (presses button)
Loader Bot: (stands up) Sorry, other robots. (smacks drone)
Vasquez walks away with Vaughn.
Jack: (enters lobby) My turn.
The drones enter the lobby and their eyes turn from yellow to blue, as Jack now has complete control of them.
Rhys: Hey. Hey!
More drones enter the lobby and begin to fire on everybody.
Jack: Get ready to lick my boots, you raging douchebags! Ha ha ha ha ha!
Vaughn dives for cover as bandits are gunned down left and right.
Rhys: They’re on our side!
Fiona: All right, enough of this. (jumps into lobby and kicks bandit down)
Rhys rushes into the lobby.
Rhys: No no no no no! (spots drone) More bullets! (dodges drone) Ah! Stop, stop! (crouches behind Atlas statue)
Jack: (walks over to Rhys) Don’t worry, I left you one, pal. He’s… he’s a little on the dumpy side, but it seems like it’d be a good fit for ya.
Dumpy, a much smaller drone flies past a bigger Jack drone and up to Rhys. A bandit runs screaming at Rhys but Dumpy shoots and kills them.
Rhys: Oh. Cool.
Fiona punches past a bandit as Jack laughs maniacally. Bandits and drones continue to shoot at each other. Rhys sees Fiona in trouble as Vasquez, standing on Vaughn, is controlling Loader Bot to attack her. Rhys pulls up his cybernetic arm to control Dumpy.
Rhys: Get em, Dump.
Dumpy flies around, shooting and dodging bandits and drones. Dumpy flies up and shoots at Loader Bot again and flies past him to Vasquez. Dumpy shoots the foot Vasquez has on Vaughn, making him drop his remote.
Vasquez: Ugh! Nuts!
Vaughn: (stands up) That’s right! (stomps on remote and runs away)
Vasquez shoots Dumpy, making it fly past Loader Bot. He is about to attack Fiona but stops after the remote has been destroyed as his antenna goes down. The slightly damaged Dumpy flies back to Rhys behind the statue and falls at his feet.
Rhys: Nooooo! Dumpy! (picks it up) Poor little guy… I’m taking you with me. For some reason. (pockets Dumpy)
A drone shoots Vasquez’s arm off.
Vasquez: Aghhh, aghhhhh!!
Vaughn stands up and picks up Vasquez’s arm.
Vaughn: Ugh, fingers… (drops remote on the floor) Loader Bot, get to it, buddy! (stomps on remote) All right!
Loader Bot’s antenna goes down and he stands up.
Loader Bot: (gives thumbs up) Thanks. (folds up and charges at bandit)
Loader Bot continues to fight while August chases Sasha past the statue.
Jack: (enters lobby) My turn.
The drones enter the lobby and their eyes turn from yellow to blue, as Jack now has complete control of them.
Rhys: Hey. Hey!
More drones enter the lobby and begin to fire on everybody.
Jack: Get ready to lick my boots, you raging douchebags! Ha ha ha ha ha!
Vaughn dives for cover as bandits are gunned down left and right.
Rhys: They’re on our side!
Fiona: All right, enough of this. (jumps into lobby and kicks bandit down)
Rhys rushes into the lobby.
Rhys: No no no no no! (spots drone) More bullets! (dodges drone) Ah! Stop, stop! (crouches behind Atlas statue)
Jack: (walks over to Rhys) Don’t worry, I left you one, pal. He’s… he’s a little on the dumpy side, but it seems like it’d be a good fit for ya.
Dumpy, a much smaller drone flies past a bigger Jack drone and up to Rhys. A bandit runs screaming at Rhys but Dumpy shoots and kills them.
Rhys: Oh. Cool.
Fiona punches past a bandit as Jack laughs maniacally. Bandits and drones continue to shoot at each other. Rhys sees a bandit chase Fiona while August and Sasha struggle with each other. Rhys pulls up his cybernetic arm to control Dumpy.
Rhys: Go get ‘em, Dumpy!
Dumpy flies around, shooting and dodging bandits and drones. Dumpy flies up to Sasha and August, the former pointing a gun at him. Dumpy shoots August, but Sasha mistakenly shoots Dumpy, thinking it is evil. The slightly damaged Dumpy flies back to Rhys behind the statue and falls at his feet.
Jack grimaces and takes control. A drone shoots Vasquez’s arm off.
Vasquez: Aghhh, aghhhhh!!
Vaughn stands up and picks up Vasquez’s arm.
Vaughn: Ugh, fingers… (drops remote on the floor) Loader Bot, get to it, buddy! (stomps on remote) All right!
Loader Bot’s antenna goes down and he stands up.
Loader Bot: (gives thumbs up) Thanks. (folds up and charges at bandit)
Loader Bot continues to fight while August chases Sasha past the statue.
Jack: (enters lobby) My turn.
The drones enter the lobby and their eyes turn from yellow to blue, as Jack now has complete control of them.
Rhys: Hey. Hey!
More drones enter the lobby and begin to fire on everybody.
Jack: Get ready to lick my boots, you raging douchebags! Ha ha ha ha ha!
Vaughn dives for cover as bandits are gunned down left and right.
Rhys: They’re on our side!
Fiona: All right, enough of this. (jumps into lobby and kicks bandit down)
Rhys rushes into the lobby.
Rhys: No no no no no! (spots drone) More bullets! (dodges drone) Ah! Stop, stop! (crouches behind Atlas statue)
Jack: (walks over to Rhys) Don’t worry, I left you one, pal. He’s… he’s a little on the dumpy side, but it seems like it’d be a good fit for ya.
Dumpy, a much smaller drone flies past a bigger Jack drone and up to Rhys. A bandit runs screaming at Rhys but Dumpy shoots and kills them.
Rhys: (sarcastically) Oh. Cool.
Fiona punches past a bandit as Jack laughs maniacally. Bandits and drones continue to shoot at each other. Rhys sees a bandit chase Fiona while August and Sasha struggle with each other. Rhys pulls up his cybernetic arm to control Dumpy.
Rhys: Go get ‘em, Dumpy!
Dumpy flies around, shooting and dodging drones and bandits. Dumpy flies up to Sasha and August, the former pointing a gun at him. Dumpy shoots August, but Sasha mistakenly shoots Dumpy, thinking it is evil. The slightly damaged Dumpy flies back to Rhys behind the statue and falls at his feet.
Fiona rushes to Rhys with Gortys and a large gun. Vaughn dives behind the statue.
Vaughn: This is so cool, right? D-did you guys see me? I mean, how cool I was? Ha!
Rhys looks up at the Atlas statue then at the door. Fiona and Sasha start firing.
Sasha: What now? (keeps shooting)
Fiona: Calm down, Sash.
Vaughn: Can I have your gun?
Fiona: No, you do not need a gun.
Sasha: Yeah, agreed.
Rhys: We fight our way out. Or, you know. Some of us do.
Rhys: We blow up the front door.
Rhys: At this point? Honestly? Let’s just… you know, stay here. We’ll have a nice cry, get shot in the face...
Sasha: No? No one's got a plan?
Vaughn: Loader Bot could help.
Loader Bot punches a bandit away.
Rhys: Aw, duh! Hey, can you help us out?
Loader Bot: Ask, and you shall receive.
Loader Bot: Yes. Lack of faith noted.
Loader Bot smack away another bandit running at him. He jumps up and lands behind the Atlas statue. Loader Bot puts his hands on the Atlas statue’s behind.
Rhys: Woah! Buddy, are you, uh… your hands are-- (to Vaughn) For the record, not my idea.
Vaughn looks at the chaos around them.
Loader Bot: Help. (pushes on statue)
Sasha sees the ankles of the statue.
Sasha: Come on!
Fiona and Sasha shoot out the ankles of the statue. Rhys controls Loader Bot to push the statue down. The globe it is holding rolls forward quickly. Jack stands in front and continues laughing as the glob smashes the main door open and crushes a bandit along the way.
Vaughn: Yeeeesss!
Loader Bot: Bam.
Loader Bot picks up the others, jumps up and flies forward.August and Vasquez are seen crouching. Loader Bot and the others fly past them and out the main door.
Old Haven[]
Loader Bot flies with the others out the tunnel they entered. Rhys suddenly sees Finch and Kroger in a bandit vehicle. A bandit is aiming the cannon on top of the vehicle at Loader Bot. Fiona is now the playable character.
Rhys: Uh, who the hell is that? Friends of yours?
Fiona: Hold o-
Fiona: Loader Bot! Pull u-
Fiona says nothing.
The gunner shoots a rocket at Loader Bot, making them all stop and fall to the ground. Fiona drops the Gortys ball and it rolls forward until it is stopped by Vallory’s foot. She slowly walks up to Fiona as Fiona looks up at her.
VALLORY The Queenpin
Vallory bends down and offers her hand to Fiona.
Fiona takes Vallory’s hand and she helps her up.
Fiona: Thanks.
Vallory will remember that.
Fiona stands back up on her own. Vallory stands up as well.
Vallory will remember that.
Two bandits with snipers are on the roof. They point their rifles at Fiona. Rhys, Sasha, and possibly Vaughn get back up
Vallory: You the leader of this outfit?
Rhys: Hey, you alright there, buddy?
Rhys: Oh… right, cause the… yeah.
Fiona: I don’t know any of these people.
Fiona: Nope… I just landed closer to you.
Fiona: That’s right. What of it?
Fiona says nothing.
Sasha walks up to Fiona.
Finch: There she is.
Finch and Kroger walk toward Fiona.
Finch: You remember me?
Sasha: Great… these jackasses.
Kroger: Oh, she remembers all right.
Fiona: No.
Finch will remember that.
Kroger: Ohoho, that is ice cold! Good on you, girl. Some nice last words.
Fiona: Oh come on, Finch… who could forget a messed up face like that?
Finch: My face is messed up cause you messed up my face!
Kroger: Yeah man, she knows. She’s messin’ with you, dude.
Finch will remember that.
Fiona: Oh… yeah. You look, uh… different.
Finch: I look different cause you made me look different!
Kroger: Yeah man, she knows. She’s messin’ with you, dude.
Finch will remember that.
Sasha: One of you owes me a sandwich.
Vallory puts her hand in front of Finch to stop him.
Vallory: Calm down, Finch.
Finch: She’s the one who shocked the shit out of me!
Finch: She’s the one who melted my face!
Finch: She’s the one that burnt up my hair.
Finch: Please, just- just let me shoot hat girl in the face. Just her.
Vallory: Get back in the truck. You’re being a nuisance.
Finch slowly backs away. Vallory gestures to them to leave. Finch walks back to the truck.
Kroger: Me too? But- man, I didn’t even- Man… (walks with Finch) why you always gettin’ me in trouble?
Fiona: Just to get this out of the way… those guys might be afraid of you… but I’m not.
Fiona: Those guys you got there… are pretty useless. With your reputation, I’d figure you’d keep better company.
Fiona: So what is it that you want exactly?
Fiona says nothing.
Rhys and Sasha step forward. They all notice Gortys behind Vallory.
Sasha: Fi?
Fiona puts her hand up to stop Sasha.
Vallory: Hmm… I see why you’re Felix’s favorite. Don’t be surprised. I’ve known about you two for as long as you’ve been lifting watches. But I’m out ten million bucks, cause someone turned a simple deal into a complete shitshow. Someone has to pay for that.
Fiona wipes her face from Vallory spitting while she talks. Suddenly, Vasquez and August run out of the tunnel and join the others.
Vallory: Ehh. Looks like we have a couple new contestants.
August, covering his shoulder, and Vasquez, holding a shotgun, walk to Vallory.
Vasquez: This isn’t good.
August: (puts hands up) Okay. Okay. I… know how it looks. (walks past Sasha) Things got a little messed up, but I-
Vallory: Shut up. I’ll deal with you later.
Vallory walks away a bit with Fiona. Vasquez runs forward a bit.
Vasquez: I just wanna say I had nothing to do with this.
Vallory: Uh huh. Who’s to blame here, Fiona? I want a name.
August: Calm down, Hugo.
Vasquez: No, no! I just- Look, I just need her to know. She’s gonna say it was my fault, and it’s not!
Vallory: Give me a name, and you make sure it’s the right one.
Fiona: Vasquez… he’s the one to blame here.
Vasquez: Did she say me?
Vallory will remember that.
Vallory: Really?
Fiona: Hey, none of this would have happened if he hadn’t screwed up the deal.
...oh yeah, and so will Vasquez.
Vallory turns around and shakes her head.
Fiona: It’s August’s fault.
Vallory will remember that.
Vallory: Really?
Fiona: Hey, none of this would have happened if he hadn’t screwed up the deal.
Vallory: (turns to August) Son. Come over here.
August scratches his head before walking toward Vallory.
...and August will too.
Sasha: Uh, that’s your mom?
August walks up to Vallory.
August: Look, Ma… I know you’re mad, but-
Vallory: You went behind my back, and you made another mess… now I have to come in and clean up after you. Ugh… Story of my life. (rips out August’s nose ring)
August: Aaaughh!! Ma!
Vallory: (points behind her) Now go stand over there and think about what you’ve done.
Fiona: You want to know who’s to blame?
Vallory: That’s why we’re all standing here…
Fiona: Felix… this is all Felix’s fault.
Vallory will remember that.
Vallory turns around.
Vallory: But he’s not here, is he?
Vallory: But the word on the street is… Felix is dead.
Vallory will remember that.
Vallory: Why are you making this difficult? (puts up two fingers)
A sniper shoots at Fiona’s feet.
Vallory: The next one will be the last thing you hear. Give me a name.
Fiona: Vasquez… he’s the one to blame here.
Vasquez: Did she say me?
Vallory will remember that.
Vallory: Really?
Fiona: Hey, none of this would have happened if he hadn’t screwed up the deal.
...oh yeah, and so will Vasquez.
Vallory turns around and shakes her head.
Fiona: It’s August’s fault.
Vallory will remember that.
Vallory: Really?
Fiona: Hey, none of this would have happened if he hadn’t screwed up the deal.
Vallory: (turns to August) Son. Come over here.
August scratches his head before walking toward Vallory.
...and August will too.
Sasha: Uh, that’s your mom?
August walks up to Vallory.
August: Look, Ma… I know you’re mad, but-
Vallory: You went behind my back, and you made another mess… now I have to come in and clean up after you. Ugh… Story of my life. (rips out August’s nose ring)
August: Aaaughh!! Ma!
Vallory: (points behind her) Now go stand over there and think about what you’ve done.
Fiona: You want to know who’s to blame?
Vallory: That’s why we’re all standing here…
Fiona: Felix… this is all Felix’s fault.
Vallory will remember that.
Vallory: But he’s not here, is he?
Vallory: But the word on the street is… Felix is dead.
Vallory puts up two fingers. The sniper shoots Fiona and kills her.
Vasquez: (walks up to Vallory) Look, I know you’re super pissed, but we’ve got the Gortys thing, and it is gonna get us a Vault that is worth way more than 10 million bucks, just like we told you. Everything is fine. We’re fine!
Vallory: (picks up Gortys) So this is what all the fuss is about. (turns to Vasquez)
Vasquez: Yeah… yeah, that’s our little moneymaker.
Vallory: Oh. Then I guess I don’t need you anymore.
Vasquez: (nods before realization) What? No!
Vallory takes Vasquez’s shotgun and shoots him in the chest, killing him.
Fiona: Whoa!
Rhys: Gah!
Fiona: Aaahh!
Vallory motions to Fiona with the shotgun to walk over to her friends, which she does. Vallory laughs before tossing the shotgun by Vasquez’s corpse.
Vallory: I suppose… (pulls out gun and aims it at Fiona) I don’t need any of you.
Fiona smiles as the scene freezes.
Fiona takes two of Vallory’s knives and backflips off of her. She slices at Vallory multiple times. After she stops, Vallory’s entire body falls into pieces.
Fiona: You just got cut out of the deal.
Rhys and Sasha jump and cheer. The scene suddenly stops.
Masked Kidnapper (v.o.): With a knife?
Fiona shoves Vallory backward. She throws one of her grenades up in the air and kicks it at Vallory, sending the grenade into her mouth and Vallory on the ground.
Fiona: Head’s up. (waves and walks away)
The grenade explodes, sending Vallory’s head flying. Rhys tries to run away as Vallory’s sunglasses fall over Fiona’s eyes. The scene suddenly stops.
Masked Kidnapper (v.o.): I thought it was a flashbang grenade.
Masked Kidnapper (Narration): That’s not how it works.
Rhys (Narration): And that’s not how it went…
Pandora (Present, Night)[]
Rhys, Fiona, and the Masked Kidnapper are walking across a small bridge.
Rhys: She put that gun in your face and you went all… (makes grunting noise)
Masked Kidnapper: Keep talking. The truth this time.
Fiona: Fine. But… where was I?
Rhys: (laughs) You were in the middle of this. (groans)
Old Haven (Past)[]
Fiona is seen making a very shocked face.
Fiona (Narration): I was getting Gortys back.
Athena’s shield is seen flying out of the caravan.
Vallory shoots at Fiona in slow motion. Suddenly, Athena drops down in front of Fiona and blocks the bullet with her shield. Athena pushes Vallory back with her shield before throwing it, knocking down several bandits on the roofs before coming back to Athena. Vallory is disoriented, allowing Athena to throw her shield at her, knocking her down and sending Gortys rolling to Fiona.
Athena’s shield comes back to her. Vallory stands back up, her sunglasses having been knocked off. She pulls out a knife before August rushes over to her.
August: Not here. We gotta go.
Vallory: (starts backing up) This isn’t over.
Athena: You’re the one leaving. Looks over to me.
August gets in the driver’s seat of his vehicle. Vallory continues backing up to the vehicle.
Vallory: No… it’ll feel much different than this. I’ll let you know when it happens.
She gets in passenger seat and closes the hatch. They drive away. Fiona turns to look at Sasha and Rhys, the latter of which shrugs.
Athena: Tell me… are you all… just… completely stupid?
Loader Bot stands up.
Rhys: Someone gonna say something?
Fiona: I mean… not completely… (looks at Rhys) I mean, at least not all of us...
Fiona: You’re not getting Gortys.
Athena: What?
Fiona: Is this… some sort of trick question? Cause I don’t see-
Rhys: Not… all of us.
Athena: I am here to help you! You idiots!
Fiona: Oh.
Rhys and Loader Bot examine Gortys. If Rhys trusted Jack, Vaughn is seen poking Vasquez’s corpse with a stick. If Rhys trusted Fiona, he is seen paralyzed on some trash. Sasha walks up to Athena, who is pacing around, and Fiona.
Athena: This is easily the most annoying contract I’ve ever taken. At least if it was an assassination I’d have the pleasure of a kill at the end of it.
Sasha: Oh, well I’m so sorry for the inconvenience. Who even hired you?
Athena: (stops and sighs) A man named Felix. I normally don’t divulge that kind of information, but… he wanted you to know. He also said to tell you he’s sorry.
Sasha: He should be.
Fiona: So what do you know about Gortys?
Athena: What are you even saying? I don’t know what that word means.
Sasha: Goor. Tiss.
Athena: Are you sure you’re pronouncing it correctly?
Fiona: No.
Athena: Oh. Wait. Years ago, when I was… retiring those Atlas employees, it was a project many of them were working on. But I… never looked into it.
Fiona: Well that’s not helpful...
Sasha: So, you’re… what? Our bodyguard or something?
Athena: Thankfully, no. More… I don’t know, a mentor? Felix wanted me to pass along some knowledge… to mentor you… to help you survive. He felt you two had some untapped potential.
Fiona: So why didn’t you just tell us that earlier?
Athena: It’s not exactly something you scream down an alley when you’ve got Vallory’s goons running around. My work requires some discretion.
Sasha: So, you’re… what? Our bodyguard or something?
Athena: Thankfully, no. More… I don’t know, a mentor? Felix wanted me to pass along some knowledge… to mentor you… to help you survive. He felt you two had some untapped potential.
Fiona: What did he hire you for, exactly?
Athena: Felix wanted me to pass along some knowledge… to mentor you… to help you survive. He felt you two had some untapped potential.
Sasha: You couldn’t have told us that earlier?
Athena: It’s not exactly something you scream down an alley when you’ve got Vallory’s goons running around. My work requires some discretion.
Sasha: Oh, discretion? When you say that, are you referring to the part where you were chasing us through Hollow Point, trying to behead us with your shield?
Athena: If I wanted to behead you, it would have happened.
Sasha: So, you’re… what? Our bodyguard or something?
Athena: Thankfully, no. More… I don’t know, a mentor? Felix wanted me to pass along some knowledge… to mentor you… to help you survive. He felt you two had some untapped potential.
Sasha: You couldn’t have told us that earlier?
Athena: It’s not exactly something you scream down an alley when you’ve got Vallory’s goons running around. My work requires some discretion.
Sasha: Oh, discretion? When you say that, are you referring to the part where you were chasing us through Hollow Point, trying to behead us with your shield?
Athena: If I wanted to behead you, it would have happened.
Fiona: Thanks for stepping in… with Vallory.
Athena will remember that.
Fiona: We’ll see how this goes. Keep an eye on her, Sasha.
Athena will remember that.
Athena: It’s usually better not to say that stuff in front of the person you’re talking about.
Fiona: Yeah, well, thanks but no thanks. We don’t need any help… from you or from Felix.
Athena will remember that.
Athena: Yeah, well, it’s not really up to you.
Fiona says nothing.
Athena: Ughhh… Look… I know you two have been through… a lot… but I assure you, I’m here to help. And I don’t anticipate that’ll be very long because when I feel the contract is filled, I’ll be out of your lives. So let’s just… get through this.
Sasha: Well, welcome aboard, I guess.
Athena: Thank you. So, uh…
Athena: What’s up with your friend?
Vaughn tries talking but he is incomprehensible.
Fiona: He got hit with some sort of... paralyzing shot. I mean, he’s stiff as a board, but he’s-- he’s fine otherwise.
Fiona: He just gets that way when he’s scared.
Fiona: He’s quiet now… which is nice.
Sasha: Vaughn got shot by some incapacitating bullet or something. But other than that though, he-- he seems fine… ish.
Athena: Is he all right?
Vaughn is continuing to poke Vasquez’s corpse with a stick.
Athena: Cause that’s… not normal.
Sasha: That’s Vaughn for ya.
Fiona: Yeah, I… I don’t think he’s seen a dead body up close before.
Athena: Lucky him.
Fiona: Oh, yeah, he’s… he’s just going through some stuff.
Fiona: (to Vaughn) Hey!
Vaughn jumps and drops his stick.
Fiona: People just deal with grief differently.
Athena: That’s… different. Not sure it’s grief he’s feeling.
Fiona: Oh, yeah, he’s… he’s just going through some stuff...
Fiona: (to Vaughn) Hey!
Vaughn jumps and drops his stick.
Fiona: Oh, yeah, he’s… he’s just going through some stuff… He’s harmless… I think.
Athena: That’s comforting.
Fiona: (to Vaughn) Hey!
Vaughn jumps and drops his stick.
Sasha: Vaughn!
Vaughn jumps and drops his stick.
Rhys: Oh yeah! I think I got something!
Sasha: Whatcha got?
Fiona, Sasha, and Athena, and determinately Vaughn walk over to Rhys.
Rhys: I don’t know, but I- I- I found out there’s an ‘on’ button somewhere.
Fiona: You’ve been looking at that thing for like 20 minutes.
Rhys: Well, it’s apparently very small.
Fiona turns Gortys and sees a not-so-very small button. Fiona pushes it and an activation sound is heard. Gortys begins to float in the air.
Automated Voice: Initiating Gortys startup sequence. Energy Chassis required for Vault of the Traveler Protocol. Loading coordinates for Energy Chassis.
Rhys and Fiona look at each other. The former shrugs.
Automated Voice: Gortys… Activated. Happy birthday.
Gortys suddenly falls to the ground and opens up into a robot.
Gortys: Hi! Wow, hey. Really great to meet you all.
Gortys Very excited to meet you! (Older than she looks)
Rhys: I think I was expecting something… different?
Gortys: I’m sorry if you’re disappointed.
Rhys: No… no, it’s not that.
Sasha: Rhys, be nice.
Fiona: Hi Gortys! Welcome to the group!
Gortys: Thank you! I’m so happy to be here. This is all really exciting.
Fiona: Awesome.
Gortys: Awesome!
Fiona: Awesome…
Gortys: Awesome…
Fiona: You are the freaking cutest robot I’ve ever seen.
Gortys: Thank you! (flirty) You’re not so bad yourself. Meow.
Fiona: Awesome.
Gortys: Awesome!
Fiona: Awesome…
Gortys: Awesome…
Fiona: Is this… it?
Gortys: Yes it is. You’re asking cause it’s just too awesome, right? Too awesome to believe!
Fiona says nothing.
Gortys turns to see Vaughn paralyzed.
Gortys: Your friend is crying. Is he crying cause he’s sad or cause he’s happy?
Sasha: I think he’s crying cause he can’t blink.
Gortys: Oh.
Rhys: We should probably get him some eye drops or something.
Vaughn: Ohhh, it was a robot this whole time.
Gortys: Yes I am.
Vaughn: That makes sense… Does that make sense?
Gortys: (turns to Loader Bot) Oh cool, you’ve got another robot! (moves to him) It’s very nice to meet you. How is your day going?
Loader Bot: It’s a mixed bag.
Gortys: That’s great! Variety is so important.
Fiona: Gortys, hi.
Gortys: (turns to Fiona) Hi.
Fiona: So… from what I understand… you can get us a Vault.
Fiona: Gortys, hi.
Gortys: (turns to Fiona) Hi.
Fiona: What are we supposed to do now?
Gortys: Well, that depends. I take it if you activated me, you’d like to get a Vault.
Rhys: Yup. That-- that’s the-- that’s the thing. Please do that.
Fiona: Gortys, hi.
Gortys: (turns to Fiona) Hi.
Fiona: Why don’t you tell us a little bit about yourself?
Sasha: Hi, Gortys?
Gortys: (turns to Sasha) Hi.
Sasha: Hi. So-
Gortys: Hi.
Sasha: So what’s the next step here?
Gortys: Now, I don’t know every detail, but I was created by Atlas as a last ditch effort to get to the riches of a Vault to get a leg up on those (moves to Rhys) Hyperion guys.
Rhys: Well, we are still number one!
Gortys: Atlas had facilities all over Pandora working on the pieces of me to get it done faster. But then that lady, (moves to Athena) made it a little more difficult to assemble by killing every Atlas employee. (moves to Fiona)
Rhys: Well, how many more pieces are there?
Gortys: No idea. But the next piece we need is… (pulls up compass and moves around) uhhhhhhh… hohh… (stops) oh! Thattaway! (points)
Rhys and Fiona stand up.
Fiona: This should be interesting.
Fiona: All right. We should go.
Fiona: Okay. Let’s do this.
Sasha: Okay… Let’s get this upgrade.
Gortys moves forward.
Gortys: Everybody up and at ‘em.
Fiona steps forward but stops.
Gortys: Come on, slowpoke. Time’s a wastin’.
Gortys is seen trying to pull Vasquez’s corpse forward, not knowing that he is dead. The others stare in total shock.
Rhys: (rubs neck) Uh, Gortys?
Gortys: Hmm?
Rhys: He is, um… Anyone uh… Anyone wanna take this one? Anybody at all?
Fiona: Oh, he’s got, um… some stomach issues.
Fiona: Oh, he’s… he’s dead, Gortys.
Gortys: Oh… that’s sad.
Rhys: N-no. He was a-- he was a bad person… like, like, really, really bad.
Fiona: (whispers) Oh, shh… he’s, he’s resting. (turns to Rhys) Probably for a while.
Rhys shrugs and shakes his head.
Gortys: (stops tugging, whispers) Ohh. Okay, oh gosh… we’ll just let him sleep then.
Rhys: No? Okay, he’s uh… coming later. In a… different car.
Gortys goes to the caravan. The rest of the group enters the caravan. Once everyone is inside, it starts to drive.
Gortys: Hey, is there a radio in this thing?
The caravan drives away and the intro begins to play. Athena is seen driving while Sasha walks down the steps while yawning and stretching.
Rhys climbs on top of the caravan through the hatch. Fiona is seen sitting and throwing playing cards at Vaughn’s paralyzed body.
Vaughn climbs on top of the caravan through the hatch. Fiona is seen sitting and throwing playing cards at Rhys, who is working on fixing Dumpy.
It shows the caravan driving through several different environments, with Loader Bot on top. Fiona is then shown driving while Gortys uses her compass to guide her. She suddenly turns and points right, making Fiona brake the caravan and make a sharp right turn. It then cuts to Sasha and Athena out of the caravan shooting at a Handsome Jack poster. It pans out to show Rhys and the Handsome Jack AI watching this happen, the latter of which is shaking his head. It then cuts to nighttime with everyone by a campfire as rakks fly above. It then cuts to Sasha climbing up a hill as she finds a nest full of eggs. It cuts to her cooking her signature sandwich with an egg. She makes two plates and sets them in front of Rhys and Athena. They look at each other.
Rhys, Fiona, Loader Bot, and Gortys are playing a card game together on top of the caravan.
Vaughn and Rhys are playing Pong on Vaughn’s wristwatch outside the caravan.
It then cuts to Fiona hanging up the bandit mask she wore in the Bossanova Death Rally. She steps back and Rhys, Sasha, and a paralyzed or non-paralyzed Vaughn look at it. It then cuts to the group playing a “Dungeons and Dragons”-type game. Athena rolls the multi sided die and gets a “1”. Everyone looks at her before she throws the board aside in anger. It then cuts to Gortys exiting the caravan and driving up to Rhys and Sasha underneath it. Sasha is working on fixing it while Rhys has Scooter pulled up through ECHO on his cybernetic arm. It then quickly shows Fiona, Athena, Gortys, and Sasha driving the caravan before stopping at a drowsy Rhys. He starts to fall asleep.
Rhys suddenly wakes up and sees the Handsome Jack AI sticking his thumbs through Rhys’s chest. Rhys suddenly jumps up and rubs himself off as Jack removes his hands and laughs at him. Fiona sees this and looks at him curiously.
Fiona tosses Rhys’s shoe at his head. He picks it up and looks at Fiona, pretending to feign ignorance. She looks at Rhys and smiles.
It then shows the caravan driving as Loader Bot and Gortys move around on it. The intro stops.
Caravan (Inside)[]
Rhys is now the playable character. Fiona is seen driving the caravan. Sasha is sleeping. Vaughn is either still paralyzed if Rhys trusted Fiona or asleep if Rhys trusted Jack. Athena is leaning on a wall and sleeping. Rhys is standing up by the ladder to the hatch and trying to rest. Suddenly, the Handsome Jack AI appears and startles Rhys.
Jack: Hey, kid. Ahh, just checking in, don’t wanna distract you from the victory lap you’re probably taking now that Vasquez is dead, but, uh… you haven’t told Athena about me at all, have you?
Jack: Hey there, buddy! Just checking in, don’t wanna distract you from the victory laps you’re probably taking now that Vasquez is dead, but, uh… just checking that you haven’t told Athena about me, at all. Have you?
Rhys: Uh, why do you ask?
Jack: Because if she finds out about me, (mimes slicing neck) she’ll cut your freakin’ head off before you can even explain yourself. I’m not exaggerating, this chick’s nuts. And she really, really doesn’t like me.
Rhys: I didn’t intend to.
Rhys: No, but I was going to.
Jack: Okay, I’m gonna take that as a “no.” Which is good, because if she finds out about me, she’ll cut your head off before you can even explain yourself. And I’m not exaggerating. She really, really doesn't like me. Which is a shame, cause I think she’s kinda neat, far as Vault Hunters go.
Jack: Okay, look kiddo…
Rhys: Stop calling me “kiddo.” Please.
Athena notices this and turns to Rhys.
Athena: Who are you talking to?
Rhys: Uh, I… (laughs nervously)
Rhys: Hand-
Jack makes Rhys slap himself with his cybernetic arm.
Rhys: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
Athena will remember that.
Rhys wipes his mouth.
Rhys: Oh, you know, just-- just myself. Just psyching myself up to find this Vault, you know what I mean? All right! (clears throat)
Rhys: Ohh, nobody. Nope, no- No body. Nobody. At all.
Athena will remember that.
Athena: That’s how it starts, you know. You start talking to no one, and two weeks later you’re donning a gas mask and screaming about salty wounds and flesh strips.
Rhys says nothing.
Athena will remember that.
Athena stops leaning and stands up straight.
Rhys: I suddenly… need to go… to the roof. (climbs up ladder and on the roof)
Rhys closes the door and sits down. It is snowing outside.
Jack: (appears on roof) Listen, you’re probably gonna die, you know that, right? And I’m not talking about Athena here. I’m-- I’m just saying, like, in general. General sort of impending death.
Rhys: Oookay… Is this about me not letting you take over my cybernetics?
Jack: Yeah, it’s about that. You trusted that floozy with a flashbang over your old pal Jack here, and look where it got you. I could’ve grabbed that drone before he turned your buddy into a coat rack! I’m, uh, detecting a little lack of trust here, pal. What’s going on? Tick-tock… Why’d you go with whatshernuts’s plan instead of mine, huh? Your brain fall outta your head?
Rhys: (laughs) Well, maybe it’s just me, I didn’t feel like giving over control of myself to a mass-murdering megalomaniac.
Jack: (counts out on hand) Firstly: hurtful. Secondly: nice alliteration. Thirdly: If I’m a mass-murderer, what does that make you?
Rhys: Wh-what?
Jack: (crouches) How many bandits do you think you’ve killed so far, sport? Huh? A dozen? Two dozen?
Rhys: Nononononono, Th-th- those were all in self-defense!
Rhys: Well, you know, I’m just not really into that whole mass-killing thing.
Jack: Oh, oh, yeah, totally. Well in that case, I’ve got some fun news for you -- (crouches) and this is hot off the presses -- you’re definitely gonna die!
Rhys: Well you know what? Fiona’s plan didn’t include mass-murder, and it worked out okay.
Jack: Oh yeah? Yeah, what was that “plan,” exactly?
Rhys: Uh, throw a flashbang and then sort of… run. In a random direction.
Rhys: Hey, Fiona said she had a plan.
Jack: (crouches) Which was?
Rhys: Uh, throw a flashbang and then sort of… run. In a random direction.
Jack: (crouches) Don’t feel like explaining yourself, huh? All right, I get it. Props. Pretty alpha.
Jack: (stands up) Look, you don’t trust me. I get it. But lemme spoil the big secret about surviving on Pandora for ya. (turns around) It’s not about who’s got the biggest gun, it’s about teamwork. More than that, it’s about compromise. (turns back to Rhys) If your old pal Vasquez had just given you your promotion, he wouldn’t be dead, would he?
Rhys: Says the dead guy.
Jack: Yeah, all right. Sure, yeah, you know what? (sits in the air and crosses legs) Let’s talk about that. You know why I died?
Gortys: Why’s that guy talking to himself?
Loader Bot: He’s going through some things.
Rhys: Well, because Vault--
Rhys: Probably because you’re a--
Rhys: Because it was in--
Rhys says nothing.
Jack: Cause I didn’t work with the people I didn’t trust. If I’da just thrown stock options at the Vault Hunters instead of bullets, I’d be on a beach right now, doing disturbingly graphic things with the local ladies. And if you can’t learn to work with the people you wanna punch in the throat, well, you’re- you’re gonna die. With nothing but your pride and a big fat hole in your sternum. It sucks. Shit hurts.
Rhys: Well, if I’m gonna die anyway, I’d rather die a good guy.
Jack: Oh, is that so? Cause if you want, I can overload the neurons to your brain right now.
Rhys: Uh-- uh, nononono...
Handsome Jack will remember that.
Rhys: (laughs) Well, that’s not gonna be me, all right? I know what I’m doing.
Handsome Jack will remember that.
Rhys: Oh I’m sorry, what was that? I- I can’t hear you through how dead you are.
Handsome Jack will remember that.
Jack: Just- just think it over, okay? Ignoring the whole part where we share a body or whatever, I actually think you could do a lotta good out here. Be a shame if you died just cause you were too scared to let me help.
Jack points to “Handsome Jack will remember that” icon.
Jack: What the hell is that?
It disappears. Jack shakes his head. Rhys makes himself more comfortable.
Jack: I’m detecting some tension here, which is a bummer. We should be pals, you know? I actually… see a lot of myself in you. I- I know I’ve done some kinda ehhhh things, but we’re a team here, kiddo. And you can even ask Athena… I always look out for my team. So I’m just askin’ you to trust me here. We’ve got so much in common. I blackmailed and murdered my way up the Hyperion ladder, you came up with that sick Vault Key deal. Eh?
Rhys: I- I dunno how much clearer I can be, you… you genocidal maniac. I. Do not. Trust you.
And he’ll remember that.
Rhys: I guess we can work together. For now.
And he’ll remember that.
Jack: You see? That wasn’t so hard. I won’t let ya down, kid, uh, Rhys. You just made a friend for life.
Rhys: That sounded bad…
Jack: Yeah, I just realized that sounded kinda ominous, like I was gonna kill you or something. I didn’t actually mean it… that way. My bad. Hey, we’re pals! Everyone’s back. (stands up) That reminds me, though. Since we’re gonna be stuck with each other for the foreseeable future, I kinda wanna know where the hell we’re going.
Rhys: You know where we’re going, we’re following--
Jack: Nononono, not, not, not like in general, idiot. What is it you want out of all this? Cause I am gonna help you get it.
Rhys: I need you watching my back.
Rhys: Some silence would be nice, for a start.
Jack: Hey, I’m here to help, man. So… if that’s what you want… (disappears)
Rhys: You know what? I want all the crap we’ve been through to be worth something, for one. There’s no way in hell I’m just going back to Helios to keep licking slightly shinier boots. Not after all this.
Jack: Yeah, that’s fine. You don’t have to know right away. But, uh, think on it, yeah? Not knowing what you want out here? It’s as good as a death sentence. Okay, maybe we’ll talk later, yeah? (finger guns him and disappears)
Jack appears on the roof.
Rhys: Okay, Jack. You and I need to set some things straight.
Jack: Ohoho man. Can I just say, blasting those bandit douchebags into tiny little pieces? (turns to Rhys) It’s the best part of my day. I’m so happy. Thanks for giving me control of those drones, kiddo. So much fun.
Rhys: Uh, might have found it more fun if you hadn’t tried to, you know, kill my friends.
Rhys: It was kinda fun. Heh. I mean, that one guy you shot made some funny noises, he was like “eeyyyhhh…”
Rhys: It wasn’t fun, you psychopath.
Jack: Hey, hey, hey, hey, did I save you turds or not?
Rhys: You went on a kill-crazy rampage, then you tried to shoot the others!
Jack: Yeah, you see that? I like that. Giving me the limelight to talk, knowing when to stay quiet. It's doing it for me. Unless, uh... you're still sore about me shooting at your friends? All right, look, it was a mistake!
Jack: Eh, truth be told, kinda hard to tell friends from baddies out there, y’know? Y’all kinda look like bandits. It won’t. Happen. Again.
Rhys: You’re right. It won’t. But I-
Jack: (crouches) But let’s put that behind us, huh? It’s time to look to the future! We’re just two unstoppable, intelligent guys with great hair, eh? You and I are going places, baby. (holds up hand) High five.
Gortys: Why’s that guy talking to himself?
Loader Bot: He’s going through some things.
Jack: Up top. C’mon.
Rhys: (laughs) I do have great hair.
He tries to high five Jack but his hand goes through his.
Handsome Jack will remember that.
Rhys: Well. That was unsatisfying.
Handsome Jack will remember that.
Jack: (points to “Handsome Jack will remember that.” icon) What the hell is that?
It disappears. Jack shakes his head.
Jack: (stands up) I- I know I’ve done some kinda ehhhh things, but we’re a team here, kiddo. And you can even ask Athena… I always look out for my team. So I’m just askin’ you to trust me here. We’ve got so much in common. We’re both ambitious. We’re both super hot… I blackmailed and murdered my way up the Hyperion ladder, you came up with that sick Vault Key deal. Eh?
Rhys: Wwwell, you’re a… genocidal maniac, so… no?
And he’ll remember that.
Rhys: Yeah. I trust you. Sure. Let’s… just go with that.
And he’ll remember that.
Jack: MY MAN! Oh, sorry. Got excited. I’ll never say that again. But- but that! That’s what I like to hear, buddy! (sits in the air and crosses his leg) You know, you’ve been good to me, kid… Rhys. Gave me control of your well-coiffed breadbox, trusted me when I opened up… I wanna repay the favor. How can I help you? What do you want outta life? I can take you to the top. I just gotta know where the hell the top is.
Rhys: I wanna get to that Vault, and see what’s inside. Ideally with all my veins still hooked up.
Jack: All right, this may or may not mean a lot coming from me, but… I think you’ve got what it takes, kid. You’ve done a pretty good job of not dying so far, and if you keep me in your corner? Well, you’ll not be dying all the way to the bank… that’ll probably be protected by a big-ass alien monster or something.
Rhys: I just want out of the rat race. I don’t wanna die as some random, no-name employee. A lot of people on Helios wish they could say the same. Poor Henderson.
Jack: Henderson? The guy Vasquez tossed out of an airlock? You know he was like, a massive racist, right?
Rhys: What? No, he-
Jack: Yeah, he also owned a kitten fighting ring.
Rhys: Is that what I think it is?
Jack: Only if you’re imagining a grown man stepping into a ring with a kitten and pummelling it for twelve minutes.
Rhys: Oh, well just… ugh. Screw that guy.
Rhys: Crush my enemies, see them driven before me, hear...
Rhys and Jack: ...the lamentations of their women!
Jack: Ah, yeah, that's fine. You don't have to know right away. But, uh, think on it, yeah? Not knowing what you want out here? It's as good as a death sentence.
Rhys looks nervous.
Pandora (Present, Evening)[]
Rhys is walking with Fiona and the Masked Kidnapper.
Fiona: You two got pretty chummy. Are all your BFF’s murderous monsters?
Fiona: Well, that’s surprising. I didn’t know you had it in you.
Rhys: Guys, can we just call it for the night? We’re not gonna find anything in this light.
Masked Kidnapper: Yeah, all right.
It then cuts to nighttime. There is a campfire out. Rhys is asleep while Fiona sits by the campfire. The Masked Kidnapper is standing next to Fiona. Fiona looks up at them. Fiona is now the playable character.
Fiona: Your mask.
Masked Kidnapper: What about it?
Fiona: It hides your identity.
Masked Kidnapper: That is the definition of a mask, yes. What of it?
Fiona: I can’t think of any reason you’d need both of us.
Masked Kidnapper: I don’t. But for whatever reason, it seems that Gortys does. That’s where my interest lies.
Fiona: Well, I guess what I meant was, I’m interested that you’re interested.
Fiona: You don’t plan to kill us, do you?
Masked Kidnapper: Why do you say that?
Fiona: I’m thinking you wouldn’t go through the trouble of hiding your face if you were.
Fiona: It implies we would recognize you if you didn’t have it on.
Masked Kidnapper: Maybe it protects me. Maybe I just think it looks cool. Maybe I’m just crazy. Lots of possibilities there.
Fiona: Well, I can tell you right now… it doesn’t look cool.
Masked Kidnapper: Good talk.
Fiona stands up.
Fiona: Nah. None of the lines I put you on make any sense without you either knowing us, or needing us.
Masked Kidnapper: It’s a compelling theory. How confident are you in this “hunch?” What I mean is, do you care to make a wager?
Fiona: I don’t make bets when I don’t know the outcome. Just thinking out loud.
Masked Kidnapper: You should do a little less of that. Tell me about the Dome.
Fiona: I’m done talking for a while. He can fill you in. Hey! (kicks Rhys)
Rhys: (wakes up) What? (sits up)
Fiona: He wants to know about the dome.
Rhys: Well, the creepy part or the pretty part?
Masked Kidnapper: All of it.
Atlas Bio Dome (Night)[]
The caravan drives up to the open gate to the dome. Rhys gets out of the caravan first.
Sasha exits the caravan. Loader Bot climbs off the caravan with Vaughn strapped to his back and Gortys in his hand. Athena exits the caravan as well.
Vaughn exits the caravan shivering.
Vaughn: Damn, it’s cold!
Sasha and Dumpy exit the caravan. Dumpy flies in front of them.
Vaughn: Man… it’s crazy Rhys got that thing working.
Sasha: Crazy weird is what is!
Vaughn: Yeah, but look at it. It’s no threat to us.
Sasha: He does look happy.
Vaughn: (to Dumpy) Hey buddy, how’s it goin’?
Dumpy screams at Vaughn and Sasha.
Vaughn: Okay, looks like the voice modulator could use a little work.
Rhys looks inside the gate and sees lots of mushrooms and other foliage.
Rhys: Whoa. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that many plants in one place before.
Rhys: This is incredible!
Sasha walks up to him.
Rhys: Whoa. That’s not normal.
Athena: It shouldn’t exist.
Rhys smiles.
Sasha, Loader Bot carrying Gortys, Athena and possibly Vaughn walk over to them.
Sasha: Desert, ice and now this. I’ve never seen anything like it before.
Rhys: And this is where the upgrade thingie is?
Loader Bot sets Gortys on the ground.
Gortys: We’re so close! (moves into the forest)
Loader Bot slowly follows her.
Sasha: This is definitely a little weird. What the hell is this place?
The whole group walks through the gate and toward the dome.
Vaughn: Do you recognize any of these plants?
Fiona: No, actually.
Vaughn and Sasha walk over to a plant.
Vaughn: Okay, all right, here we go. I’m gonna do it.
Sasha: So do it.
Vaughn: I’m not afraid, if that’s what you’re wondering.
Sasha: Okay, go on then.
Vaughn: I’m going, I am- I’m gonna touch it.
Sasha: No one’s stopping you.
Vaughn: Well. Good. Because you would not be able to… stop me at this point. Don’t ev-- don’t try to hold me back, I mean it.
Sasha: I’m not.
Vaughn: Great. Because you, you, you-- you wouldn’t be able to. I’m strong, and I’m… going to touch this. Because I’m very spontaneous that way. I’ll just touch things. I won’t even think about it. I’ll just touch ‘em.
Sasha: I can’t wait to see it.
Rhys looks at the tall frozen trees in surprise.
ANALYSIS COMPLETE-Hiding trinkets
Arboreus Radley
Age: 8 years
Status: Frozen
Popular uses:
-Providing shade
-Hardwood paneling
-Initial-carving/Love-proclaiming
JACK-APEDIAkilling me, here.
It’s a tree.
I don’t - like, why are you scanning
this? It’s a tree.
It’s from Pandora so it probably
wants to kill you.
But mainly? Tree.
Scan literally anything else. You’re
ANALYSIS COMPLETEBarry.]
Tube Worm Colony
Skeletal Structure: Spineless
Internal Temp.: Higher than Purple’s
Nutritional value: None
Color: Blue, the color cool people like
[This entry written by a
wrongly-slandered man who just
went on one date with a
clearly-single woman. Lay off,
JACK-APEDIAThingy?: Yes
Blue Tube Worm Thingy
Color: Blue
Shape: Tub
Animal it most reminds me of: Worm
ANALYSIS COMPLETEdesperate.
Crepidotus Stypticus
Size: Very large
Edibility: Depends on hunger level
Power: 60 Watts
Viscoelasticity: Pretty squishy
Scientists theorize that this fungus
thrives on attention and glows more
in the presence of people. So
Jack is seen sitting on it.
JACK-APEDIAto be awake for this part?
Crepidotus Stypticus
Oh, wow, this glowy mushroom is
slightly smaller than the other ones
around it. How goddamned
fascinating. Hey, can you - can you
do me a favor? Just hit yourself in
the head with a brick, see if you can
make me black out so I don’t have
Rhys: (crouches) Huh. These aren’t frozen. (stands up) Heh. Cool.
ANALYSIS COMPLETElick the mushrooms.
Boletus Fabaceae
Skin Temperature: Really really cold.
Best Wine Pairing: None. They’re far
too cold to eat.
Genetic tampering has made these
“anti-freeze” mushrooms stupidly
cold to the touch. Brad “No-Tongue”
Muldoon reminds you to please not
JACK-APEDIASo: Don’t do that
Boletus Fabaceae
Why do I: Know the official name of this
mushroom
Only because I: Mashed it up and snorted it
A: Lot
It: Gave me nasal frostbite
JACK-APEDIAgift to you.
Crappy Atlas Robot
Gift From: Your best pal Jack
Capabilities: You could sit on it, I
guess.
Further capabilities: Hurl it at
people? Doorstop? I dunno.
Don’t bother thanking me, it’s my
They look at a gross looking plant together.
Sasha: I’ve been on Pandora all my life, but I’ve never even heard of this place.
Rhys: Aw, pff! This place is nothing! You should see how Pandora looks from Helios.
Sasha: Is it pretty from up there?
Rhys: It does, but, y’know, so does every planet. I mean, even a nasty deathtrap like this one. (laughs)
Sasha will remember that.
Sasha: (glares at him) Oh. I see.
Rhys: Uh… no, not really. It just looks like a big dusty death trap. But, you know, from space so, I mean, that’s… that’s kinda cool. (laughs) I mean, what’s actually really cool is just being on Helios and, you know, not on Pandora (laughs)
Sasha will remember that.
Sasha: Oh. I see.
Rhys: Like a big old diamond… or some other gem… thing. Y-you know what I meant.
Sasha will remember that.
Sasha will remember that.
Rhys: Hey, guys. What, what’re you looking at?
Sasha: Vaughn says he’s going to touch this gross-looking plant.
Vaughn: Oooh, actually, Rhys, could you scan that? I’m not scared… of it. I just want to know. For science.
Rhys scans gross looking plant. Jack is seen behind the plant.
JACK-APEDIA
Kingdom: Plant, probably?
Phylum: I dunno. I didn’t become rich
so I could know stuff.
Genus: Plant again.
Edible: Only if you wanna get really
high, and then really dead.
But hey, it’s pretty foul and sticky,
so it makes for a great birthday
gag.
Vaughn: So? What’d you see?
Sasha: So?
Rhys: Ooh, yeah, you don’t want to touch that. It looks like you’d be sticking to stuff for like, days.
Vaughn: Oooh. Thanks for the heads up.
Rhys: Oh yeah. Should definitely touch it.
Vaughn: Cool. Here goes… (touches plant) Aw. (wipes hand on pants) Auugh, auuugh that’s just… auugh, it’s wrong, it’s… aw man!
Rhys and Sasha giggle.
Rhys throws his hands up and walks away.
Rhys says nothing.
ANALYSIS COMPLETE-Sir Hammerlock
Kingdom: Plantae
Phylum: Maglioeolio
Genus: Cymbologion
Class: Low
Palatability: Rancid
Popularity: Waning
“This plant is incredibly unique: It
disgusts every one of my senses.”
ANALYSIS COMPLETEthe Chubby Varkid”
Sasha
Age: 24
Hometown: Hollow Point
Occupation: None/”Con Artist”
Current Status: Freezing
Style: “Bohemian Chic”
Favorite Children’s Book: “Chester
JACK-APEDIAwatching or whatever.
Sasha
Age: 24
Hometown: Hollow Point
Occupation: Bandit
Hotness: 8/10
Sudden thought: If you try to do
anything - let’s say untoward? -
with her, I’ll see it. So keep it in your
pants. Unless you’re into people
JACK-APEDIAimagine he’d say if he could see me]
Vaughn
Age: 27
Occupation: Accountant
Best asset: Abs
Hotness: 7/10 (Mainly because of
the abs)
Catchphrase: “Jack, stop staring at
my abs” [paraphrased from what I
ANALYSIS COMPLETEExtremely deadly. Do not engage.
Athena
Age: [Census-taker scared to ask.]
Occupation: Mercenary (Retired?)
Equipment: Kinetic Aspis Shield
Affiliation:
-Atlas (Former)
-Handsome Jack (Former)
-Freelance
JACK-APEDIAthat.
Athena
Age: I wanna say early forties? Is
that way off?
Occupation: Former Vault Hunting
badass, current bandit
Note: I kinda miss having her around.
She was really good at killing
bandits, and you just gotta respect
ANALYSIS COMPLETEBest not mess.
Fiona
Age: 29
Hometown: Hollow Point
Occupation: None/“Con Artist”
Warning: This Pandoran’s name has
been seen in connection with a
high-end protection contract on
EchoNet.
JACK-APEDIAWeird.
Fiona
Age: 29
Hometown: Hollow Point
Occupation: Bandit?
Hotness: 9/10 (I like hats)
Don’t try to sleep with her. I dunno
why, I just get the feeling that’d be
weird. It’d be - yeah. Just don’t do it.
ANALYSIS COMPLETE
Loader Bot
Age: 256 dayscaptured and disassembled.
Warranty: Really, really, broken.
Auxiliary Control Unit: -Not found[
Warning: This unit has been flagged
as malfunctioning and should be
JACK-APEDIA
Loader Bot
Age: How the hell should I know?endangerment lawsuits.
AI: Really messed up
I’m really: Happy I wasn’t alive to
see these things gain sentience. I’d
be up to my hair plugs in reckless
ANALYSIS COMPLETEplease.
Gortys
Function: [Redacted]
Alert: Loyal Hyperion employees who
value keeping all of their limbs would
turn in this Gortys Project artifact
to their superiors. Employees who
don’t want to keep all of their
organs can do whatever they
JACK-APEDIASo: I’m pretty psyched about her
Gortys
Function: Probably something about opening Vaults
Not: Claptrap
Rhys walks up to the others. Gortys is using her compass.
Gortys: Ohhh… thataway! (points forward and moves ahead)
The group continues moving.
Rhys crouches down to see the crystals then stands back up.
ANALYSIS COMPLETEalso a common pesticide.
“Caleo Crystallum”
Firmness: Extremely hard
Endurance: Tenacious
One of the key ingredients in popular
Pandoran medical supplement
ENGORGE, these “glowy rocks” are
JACK-APEDIAam I even saying any of this
”Caleo Crystallum”
Key attribute: Hardness
Street name: Dick Rocks
For reals: They’re the primary
ingredient in ENGORGE, a medical
supplement that I… have never used
and don’t even know what it is why
They all walk up to the large bio dome.
Gortys: This place is cool.
Sasha: So, how do we get in?
Gortys shrugs and moves away.
Additional Comments:
Fiona: I thought you destroyed everything Atlas?
Athena: Huh. Guess I missed this one.
Fiona: What would you have done if you found it?
Athena: Reduce it to rubble, grind the rubble to dust, kill everyone inside… The standard.
Fiona: Ah.
Athena: I’m puzzled by the plants though. Never seen any Atlas facility like this.
Fiona: Yeah? Thinking maybe you won’t pull your usual “reduce it to rubble” etc., etc.?
Athena: Eh.
Gortys: I feel like this has to be the most exciting thing I’ve ever done. But then again, I haven’t really done much. Like, almost nothing.
Loader Bot: I was a hat rack. Back on Helios.
Gortys: Hey, everyone needs hats...
Dumpy screams at Rhys.
Rhys looks at the worm plant.
ANALYSIS COMPLETEwith someone else’s wife.]
Tube Worm Colony
Skeletal Structure: Spineless
Internal Temp.: High
Nutritional Value: None
Color: Purple, the superior color
[This entry written by someone who
is NOT an asshole and did NOT sleep
JACK-APEDIAit. [CENSORED]. Nice.
Purple Tube Worm Thingy
Rarity: Rare, I think? Very rare?
Mnemonic for loot rarity: When
Grandma Burps, Patrick Obeys. So
yeah, white, green, blue, purple,
orange.
I don’t know why I said any of that,
your ECHO-Eye is just kinda
transcribing stuff I think as I think
Rhys looks at the large mushrooms.
ANALYSIS COMPLETEno longer sells “Nite Nite Shrooms”]
“Nightlight Mushroom”
The soft glow of this mushroom,
said to induce drowsiness in
children, is caused by the highly
radioactive parasites living just
below the surface of its skin.
[After Smith v. Hyperion, Hyperion
JACK-APEDIAMIND HERE
Tree Mushrooms
Scientific Name: I don’t know
Features: It’s a mushroom that
glows WHY DO YOU KEEP LOOKING
AT THESE THINGS. WHO CARES IT’S
A GODDAMNED MUSHROOM
JUST TALK TO SOMEBODY. SHOOT
SOMETHING. I’M GOING OUT OF MY
ANALYSIS COMPLETEmushroom is observed.
“Shower Opera Mushroom”
Scientific Name: Boletus Musica
Voice: Soprano
A hydro-activated fungus that
emits a musical tone when it rains.
Due to a genetic quantum
entanglement anomaly, however,
this singing stops when the
JACK-APEDIAusing only mouth farts.
Huge Mushroom
Scientific Name: Boletus Musica
Features: It plays music if it gets
wet, so long as nobody’s watching.
Music: It sounds like someone trying
to recreate a classical concerto
Rhys knocks on the frozen plant. It makes a gurgly growl noise.
ANALYSIS COMPLETEmonetization and marketing.]
Dionaea Hepburnicus
Diet: Unknown
Predators: Unknown
Current Status: Frozen Solid
[Species unrecognized. Hyperion
Research & Development suggests
Investigating potential for
JACK-APEDIAHeight: I wanna feed orphans to it
Killer Plant
Classification: Cool
Status: I want one
Average lifespan: Gimme one
Sasha is looking at some hanging fruit. She suddenly turns and sees Rhys looking at her.
Sasha: What were you staring at me for? You weren’t, like, scanning me or something, were you?
Rhys: I wasn’t staring! Honest. I mean, you just happened to look at me at the same exact moment I was looking at you.
Sasha will remember that.
Rhys: I jus… You looked like you were having fun. It was nice.
Sasha will remember that.
Rhys: Oh, yes. You looked ridiculous. It was hilarious.
Sasha will remember that.
Sasha: Uh, Pandora to Rhys? You there? (knocks on Rhys’s head)
Sasha will remember that.
ANALYSIS COMPLETE“Beer”]
Crepidotus Stypticus
Height: Tall
Beauty: 3.7 microhelens
Power: 60 Watts
For reasons unknown, Crepidotus
Stypticus has evolved in a nearly
identical form on multiple planets
throughout the universe. [See Also:
JACK-APEDIAof his sick-ass abs.
Crepidotus Stypticus
Obituary: Handsome Jack’s AI
consciousness died of boredom
today as his meatsack host, Rhys,
decided to stand around staring at
goddamned mushrooms. He leaves
behind a lot of money, and a photo
Rhys pulls a switch next to the gate. The rubble blocks the gate from opening.
ANALYSIS COMPLETEdirection, releasing at lowest point
Control Panel
Manufacturer: Atlas
Model: Threshold Guardian D-Lux
Operating instructions:
-Raise desired lever-pilling arm
-Open hand, with palm facing
towards lever
-Close fingers around lever
-Pull lever in general downward
JACK-APEDIAbody.
Yeah, it’s a lever.
Manufacturer: Atlas
Lever kinda looks like a dong,
doesn’t it? God, I miss having a
ANALYSIS COMPLETECover Your Holes.”
Gate
Manufacturer: Atlas
Security Features:
-Megabit Encryption
-T-Flop Gyro-lock
-A lever
“The Carda 21XX: No Finer Way To
JACK-APEDIAit
Big Ass Gate
Manufacturer: Atlas
Model: Big Locked Gate
Security Features:
-It’s closed
-Not open
-Probably has something sick behind
Talk to Loader Bot and Gortys The bots turn to Rhys.
Rhys: How are my two favorite robots? You guys having a good time together, eh? Exchanging… oil recipes or… whatever you talk about?
Gortys: Yes! I’m learning so much! About how you dropped a fake Vault Key, how you lost ten million dollars, and how--
Rhys: (to Loader Bot, sarcasm) Gee, thanks.
Loader Bot: I cannot hold back your tide of bad decisions.
Rhys: Just wanna make sure both of you were good. Been a crazy day, am I right? Huh?
Gortys: You are very right!
Rhys: Wait, y-- you’re not being sarcastic, are you?
Gortys: Why would I?
Rhys: Wow. I am so not used to this. It’s… kinda refreshing.
Rhys: LB. Your joints holding up okay in this cold?
Loader Bot: (gives thumbs up) No problemo.
Loader Bot: This unit’s aftermarket parts are holding up. Adequately.
Rhys: Ahahaha.. Right.
Rhys: Hey robots! Whatcha doing?
Gortys: Have you found my upgrade yet?
Rhys: No.
Gortys: (sadly) Oh. I see.
Rhys: (crouches) Hey, I’ll keep looking. W-w-we’ll find it.
Gortys smiles.Rhys: Lemme know if you guys find anything? I’m gonna keep poking around.
Talk to Vaughn (if Rhys trusted Jack)
'''Rhys:''' Hey, Vaughn. This Atlas place, pretty cool, huh? ''(laughs)''
'''Vaughn:''' Yeah, I guess.
'''Rhys:''' Oh. Y-y-you ok?
'''Vaughn:''' Can we just find a way into the dome?
Talk to Fiona/Talk to Athena
Rhys: What the hell is this place?
Fiona: Your guess is as good as mine.
Athena: I don’t like it. Reeks of Atlas smugness and self-satisfaction.
Rhys examines the gate, which is covered in rubble.
Rhys: Hel-lo? How do we get you open? (tries to move the rubble) Hrnnh! Come on…! (drops it)
Rhys turns to see Loader Bot talking with Gortys. Rhys walks over to them.
Gortys: ...at first I thought it was too long to be a tie, and then I saw it tucked into his pants, and then I had no idea what was going on… You know what it is?
Loader Bot: It is a tie. I have concluded that most humans lack standard fashion circuitry.
Gortys: That’s awful. Maybe someone should tell him?
Rhys walks over to the bots.
Rhys: Loader Bot. Gortys. Were you two talking about me?
Gortys: Yes.
Rhys: Oh.
Gortys: Your tie, actually. (moves to Rhys) Can I just...
Rhys: (backs up) No, ok, that’s, that’s-- I like my stuff, thank you.
Rhys: Yo! Loader Bot! (motions to rubble) Could use a hand here, old amigo.
Loader Bot: (to Gortys) My human needs me.
Gortys nods. Rhys and Loader Bot walk over to the gate. Loader Bot starts to remove rubble.
Loader Bot turns to remove some rubble, giving Rhys a view of Vaughn paralyzed and tied to his back.
Loader Bot: Vaughn’s motion circuits are still disabled.
Rhys: Oh, like with the paralysis? Yeah. Keep hoping that’ll wear off but… not yet.
Loader Bot: When will Vaughn’s status return to normal?
Rhys: Whatever’s wrong with him, we’re going to help him. That’s a promise.
Rhys: Are you worried about him? I mean, is “worry” something “this unit” can even do?
Rhys: I don’t know, hopefully… soon?
Loader Bot stops and stares at Rhys.
Rhys: What? I can’t-- Six days, I don’t know!
Loader Bot: Uncomfortable silence: Recognized. Continuing to move rubble.
Loader Bot removes some rubble before stopping and turning to Rhys.
Loader Bot: Why was Vaughn punished?
Rhys: He wasn’t “punished,” LB. He- he was just unlucky. Sometimes things just… happen.
Loader Bot will remember that.
Loader Bot: Processing. Data: Troubling.
Rhys: It wasn’t his fault. I think… I think maybe… it could’ve been my fault.
Loader Bot will remember that.
Loader Bot: Uhh. Elaborate?
Rhys: I… I had a chance to… to take control of the situation, and if I had, then… maybe Vaughn would’ve never gotten hit by that stupid little robot. Uh. No offense.
Rhys: Well, life isn’t always fair. B-bad things happen to good people, good things happen to bad people…
Loader Bot will remember that.
Loader Bot: “Why must the universe punish the good?”
Rhys: Y-- yeah. Yeah. Exactly. I mean, and- and it sucks, but it’s… just the way it is.
Loader Bot: Processing. Data: Troubling.
Rhys: Ahh, he was… probably just writing some checks his body couldn’t cash and it caught up with him.
Loader Bot will remember that.
Loader Bot: Uncomfortable silence: Recognized. Continuing to move rubble.
Rhys: But he… hey, he’s gonna be fine, okay? He’ll be, you know, making dumb jokes and tripping over his own feet again in no time.
Loader Bot: If you say so. This conversation has been recorded.
Rhys: Oh. Okay, good. Great. You… uh, you keep on doing that and I’ll check back in with you, all right? Buddy?
Rhys: Hey. Hey, you- you ok?
Loader Bot: Greeting denied.
Gortys moves over to them.
Gortys: So, it seems like you guys have history. I can tell cause this feels really awkward.
Rhys: LB, bubbie, come on. Can’t we just put this behind us? I blew you up, yes. And I feel awful about that, but I can’t stand this, you know, this- this tension between us all the time!
Loader Bot: You would like this unit to execute forgiveness protocol? (stops and turns to Rhys)
Loader Bot: Like you forgave Vaughn?
Loader Bot: Are we forgiving people now? Vaughn will be disappointed.
Rhys: Forgiveness protocol? Oh, you know what? I don’t even know why I care! Y- You’re- You’re just a big toaster. You’re an overgrown printer on.. medica- I don’t know, just shut up! (clears throat)
Loader Bot will remember that.
Rhys: For- forgive ME? You’ve been acting like a total douchebag! You’re the one who should apologize!
Loader Bot will remember that.
Loader Bot: Calculating odds. Chance equals fat.
Rhys: Yes. Please forgive me.
Loader Bot sticks up his fist.
Rhys bro fists Loader Bot.
Loader bot puts his fist down.
Rhys: You know what? Forget this. I- I- I hope you get kicked in the bolts.
Loader Bot will remember that.
Rhys: You know what? Forget this. I- I- I hope you get kicked in the bolts.
Loader Bot will remember that.
Rhys: Well, screw you too… dumb… Loader Bot. Look, it was one decision. One that I had to make, during highly stressful circumstances, I might add.
Loader Bot will remember that.
Loader Bot: This unit exploded.
Rhys: Yeah, but you’re not exploded now, are you?
Rhys: Come on. I’m sorry, okay? Look, you were being torn apart! Someone was beating you with your own arm! Do you know how freaky that was to watch? I guess I thought blowing you up would put you out of your misery!
Loader Bot: You would like this unit to execute forgiveness protocol? (stops and turns to Rhys)
Loader Bot: Like you forgave Vaughn?
Loader Bot: Are we forgiving people now? Vaughn will be disappointed.
Rhys: Forgiveness protocol? Oh, you know what? I don’t even know why I care! Y- You’re- You’re just a big toaster. You’re an overgrown printer on.. medica- I don’t know, just shut up! (clears throat)
Loader Bot will remember that.
Rhys: For- forgive ME? You’ve been acting like a total douchebag! You’re the one who should apologize!
Loader Bot will remember that.
Loader Bot: Calculating odds. Chance equals fat.
Rhys: Yes. Please forgive me.
Loader Bot sticks up his fist.
Rhys bro fists Loader Bot.
Loader Bot puts his fist down.
Rhys: You know what? Forget this. I- I- I hope you get kicked in the bolts.
Loader Bot will remember that.
Rhys: You know what? Forget this. I- I- I hope you get kicked in the bolts.
Loader Bot will remember that.
Rhys: Y-y- you know what you’re behaving like? A baby. A, a, a big robot baby. Should put you in diapers.
Loader Bot will remember that.
Vaughn walks over to Rhys.
Vaughn: Hey.
Rhys: Hey. Hey, you- you ok?
Vaughn: Not really.
Rhys rubs the back of his head.
Vaughn: Do you remember back in junior year when we tried to get into that Keg-A-Tron 9000 Party Blowout Smash? Do you remember that? I think a bunch of the guys that interned at Torgue threw it? It was in the Turbo-Dorms.
Rhys: (stretches neck) Well, gonna be honest with you, buddy. I have no idea what you’re talking about.
Rhys: You know Vaughn, I’d love to just sit here and reminisce, but we’ve kiiind of got a lot going on here, so… Talk later?
Vaughn will remember that.
Rhys: (stretches neck) Well, you’re gonna have to refresh my memory. We went to a lot of parties.
Vaughn: That's fine if you don't remember.
Vaughn: So we’re in line, no invites, and you just say, “play it cool.”
Rhys: Wait a minute, I remember this now. The, the bouncers. They were gonna let me by, and you--
Vaughn: --Got stuck out on the curb. Yeah, that’s right. That was me. Said they’d filled their “nerd quotient.”
Rhys: Hey, I didn’t go in either. Not gonna leave my wingman behind.
Vaughn: I was still really mad though. I mean, you were just as much of a nerd as I was, which was hilarious, but you look like you do. So, you could fake it. We were both wearing Hack-A-Thon shirts. Yours was just all fitted and cool and mine was… y’know...
Rhys: Man. I can’t believe I forgot about that. I’m… I’m really sorry.
Rhys: You just need to be more confident, okay? You know, “fake it and--”
Rhys: You just need to try and blend in more, you know? “Pretend to belong and--”
Vaughn: ...well, it was during what I call my "chubby phase," so it was fitted for a different reason. Anyway. I will say that that was the day that I realized what our friendship was destined to be… forever. It’s “Rhys the cool guy” and there’s “Vaughn, his nerdy little best friend.”
Vaughn: Down here on Pandora, I’ve seen how amazing you are at all this stuff. (paces) I mean, hanging out with Vault Hunters, crazy Atlas technology, fighting insane mobsters… And- and you’ve just been playing it totally cool the whole time. So I-- I guess… look… (turns to Rhys) I’m not gonna get left out on the curb again, am I?
Rhys: (walks up to him) Duuude. You're not that person anymore, okay? If college Vaughn could see you now, with all buff and... he'd be stunned.
Vaughn will remember that.
Vaughn: Poor lol' guy. Thinking all that cologne could hide his extra chin fat... Ha.
Rhys: Hey, I'm serious. You're gonna be fine. Let's find this Gortys whatever and get rich, okay?
Rhys: (walks up to him) “Left on the cu--” Come on! It’s you and me forever, bro. (puts hand on his shoulder)
Vaughn will remember that.
Vaughn: (hugs Rhys) Hoo. That’s really great to hear. (stops hugging) Honestly, I was all worried that you’d, like, I don’t know, out-outgrown me or something.
Rhys: Hey! That’s crazy talk. This place is just messing with your head. Let’s find this Gortys whatever and get rich, okay?
Rhys: (walks up to Vaughn) Look, I’ve got your back, Vaughn, but I can’t do that if you’re running off all the time.
Vaughn will remember that.
Vaughn will remember that.
Loader Bot removes the last of the rubble and tosses it near Gortys.
The door opens up.
Rhys can still walk around.
Talk to Gortys
Rhys: So… How are you liking being alive so far?
Gortys: Technically I’m not alive. But that’s not what you meant, is it? Of course not. That’d be like asking a tree what it’s like to breathe! That’s just silly. What was the question again?
Rhys: I honestly don’t remember.
Talk to Gortys again
Rhys: You… staying warm?
Gortys: I’m always warm, silly. I have two internal generators that process the outside air. Hot, cold, that’s a fascinating concept.
Loader Bot: We are all warm and cold.
Gortys: Wow, I never thought about it like that.
Rhys: Ohh! Deep, guys, deep.
Talk to Gortys again
Rhys: You, uh, you like traveling?
Gortys: Well, I used to be a ball. And asleep. And just a program before that. And before that? (shrugs) I don’t know… but being able to walk is definitely a plus!
Talk to Gortys again
Gortys: Have you found my upgrade yet?
Rhys: No.
Gortys: (sadly) Oh. I see.
Rhys: (crouches) Hey, I’ll keep looking. W-w-we’ll find it. (stands up)
The group walks past Rhys and through the gate. Loader Bot stops in front of Rhys and pats him on the head.
Loader Bot: Nice work. (turns and walks through the gate)
Rhys follows him and the group. They stop at a staircase leading into the facility.
Loader Bot flies up past the staircase and on the next floor as the others walk up the stairs.
The others begin to walk up the stairs. Vaughn stops at the bottom and looks back.
Vaughn: Awesome.
Dumpy flies past Vaughn screaming, startling him.
Rhys: (laughs) We made it! Entrance, this way. (points to door)
Fiona is now the playable character.
Fiona: Let’s see what else this place has to offer.
Fiona: (sarcasm) Oh very good, Rhys.
Fiona: This is weird.
Fiona says nothing.
Fiona walks over to the door. She uses the button near the door.
Bio Dome Facility (Inside)[]
The door opens and the group, led by Fiona, enters the facility.
Fiona: Uh, anyone else’s creepometer going bananas right now?
Vaughn: Urrruu yrrrngngn yrrrurlllynnn mnnmmww.
Fiona: (turns to Loader Bot) Loader Bot, what did he say?
Vaughn: Um, maybe Dumpy could scout ahead?
Dumpy floats next to Rhys screaming. He flies forward to scout ahead before bumping into a quick change station and falling to the ground.
Gortys enters the facility.
Gortys: So… my upgrade’s nearby! (turns to the others) Sorry if it’s kinda spooky in here.
Sasha and Loader Bot move forward.
Sasha: You know, just once I’d like to search an abandoned health spa or something. With fluffy towels.
Rhys: And celebrity magazines, with pictures of ‘em shopping and getting coffee and stuff.
Sasha: They’re just like us.
Rhys: Yes they are.
Fiona: Spooky? Ehh… Spooky I can handle. This room feels… I dunno.
Athena: I do. It feels dangerous.
Fiona: Gortys, when you said “nearby,” do you mean, like in-this-room nearby?
Gortys: I mean, it’s definitely close, but there’s not like a homing beacon on it or anything.
Fiona: Gortys, can you scan the room for, you know, danger?
Gortys: Uh. Could you please describe to me how you think that would work?
Fiona: Well, your sensors kind of like sweep the room’s… vectors--
Gortys: I mean, that was a totally valiant effort-- but no, it doesn’t work like that, at all.
Sasha: Well, the Gortys upgrade is somewhere nearby. So look around but carefully, okay?
Fiona walks forward.
Fiona opens a loot crate. There is a lot of money in it. She takes it and pockets it.
BANK ACCOUNT+$250
Fiona: Anyone need some new gear?
Sasha: Any weapons?
Fiona: Naw, no weapons… but there is stuff in here you guys might be interested in.
Fiona can purchase costume changes for herself, Sasha, Rhys, Vaughn, and Loader Bot. Fiona is wearing the Garish Gunslinger, Sasha is wearing the ROK-U Wasteland Goggles, Rhys is wearing the Hyperion Data-Slicer, Vaughn is wearing the HYPERION ECHO-SPEX, and Loader Bot is wearing the Hyperion Yellow.
Inventory Capacity: +25and bullet casings.
Ammo capacity: -25
With numerous hidden pockets and a
high cut to make room for your
holster, the Garish Gunslinger was
designed for crime without sacrificing
fashion. Constructed from rawhide
Fashionability: Smokin’
Inflammability +/-100%*
*Disclaimer: Actual shipped product
may not be fire resistant, depending
on who you ask. But there is a really
cool phoenix on the back.
Fashion Class: Elite
(Includes monocle pocket)
You may not wear socks woven from
24k gold thread, but this outfit will
sure make the unwashed masses
think you do.
Style: +500slag-resistance.
Also contains built in headphones
A modified pair of BANDIT’s popular
“Peeping Dom” protective goggles,
these have been enhanced for better
looks. UV protection and
Usefulness: Debatable
Coolness: Unquestionable
Allows the wearer to appear stylish
and fashionable in a variety of
electromagnetic spectrums.
Calculations/sec: +256glasses.”
Scanning Fidelity: 1.21 Terraflops
Because Hyperion policy prohibits
accountants from leaving their
computer stations for any reason,
these wearable computing devices
were originally hailed as “freedom
Material: Poly bound Fiberglass Compound
Nerd-Chic: +616
These sleek spectacles give you a
new outlook on life, by making you
look so darn good. Plus a bonus
reading light!
Corporate zeal: +50
“Your new zesty yellow friend! YourCampaign
new friend that murders for you!”
-Scrapped Loader Bot Marketing
Dapperness: Bespoken
Wine Knowledge: +1932
Perfect for black tie events, awards
ceremonies, and destroying your
enemies in the most
sartorially-approved fashion. Cheers.
Fierceness: +100
Bonus damage when stalking prey in the night
Some critics throw shade and tell
you that these eye-catching stripes
are “Tacky,” but don’t listen to those
haters. You are absolutely working it
right now.
Company loyalty bonus!
For the Hyperion employee looking to& slash with the best, ditch the rest!
get ahead & secure job security,
there’s no better way to show your
commitment than having one of your
limbs replaced with this beauty. Hack
Fashionability: Ice Coldepic rave.
Color Combination Bonus!
This sleek black arm with its backlit
detailing is guaranteed to turn heads
whether you’re at the head of a
conference room or the middle of an
Cooldown Time: 0.88 secondsyou’re into that kind of thing.
Style: Hot
For the cyborg with discerning taste,
the Silver Centurion offers a stylish
and attractive option inspired by
Atlassian design and architecture. If
Fiona: Hm… not bad! Looking good, Fiona.
Fiona: Hmm… I think I like this. Hey guys, look at my sweet new hat!
Fiona: Whaddaya think, Rhys? Does he like ‘em?
Vaughn will remember that.
Vaughn: Ohhh, urrrrrhh.
Fiona: There ya go, Vaughn.
Vaughn will remember that.
Vaughn: What’s happening? What-- oh. Oh! New Glasses with UV resistant anti-glare and improved night vision! Aww yeah!
Fiona: Whatcha think, sis?
Sasha: All right! Matches my SMG and everything!
Fiona: Hey Loader Bot, I got ya something!
Gortys: Hey, you look good!
Loader Bot will remember that.
Rhys looks at his new arm.
Fiona: Maybe just one more peek…
|-|Look at coffee maker=
Fiona: “Atlas Xtreme Latte 5000.”
Athena: (excitedly) Is it still working?
Fiona: Huh? Why?
Athena: Atlas might be full of corrupt, murderous bastards… but they made the best lattes.
Fiona: (pushes button) Nope.
Athena: Ugh. Damn Atlas. (walks away)
|-|Look at plant=
Fiona tries to touch the flower but it snaps at Fiona’s finger.
Fiona: Ugh. Little bastard.
|-|Look at cabinet=
Fiona opens the cabinet.
Fiona: Nothing here. (closes cabinet)
|-|Look at desk=
Rhys: You find something?
Fiona: Uh huh. Dust. I found dust. (walks away)
}}Talk to Sasha
Fiona: Any luck?
Sasha: (turns to Fiona) No, but Rhys found out where we are.
Rhys: (while typing) Or at least what this place was. Some kind of top secret Atlas biodome. Not much else in the system.
Fiona: Any sign of the Gortys upgrade?
Sasha: Not yet. We’ll keep looking.
Talk to Loader Bot and Gortys
Fiona: Are you sure your upgrade is around here?
Gortys: I’m positive my Energy Chassis is here! Somewhere. In the general vicinity… ish.
Loader Bot: We will find it. It will be glorious.
Gortys: Aw! Thank you!
Fiona: I’ll just… keep looking.
Talk to Athena
Fiona: Find anything?
Athena: (turns to Fiona) Not yet. This place is… disconcerting.
Fiona: How so?
Athena: It’s Atlas. And nothing has tried to kill us yet.
Talk to Rhys
Fiona: Find anything?
Rhys: (while typing) Well… kinda. I mean, this place is Atlas, but it was some kind of terraforming facility.
Sasha: They were… growing plants? I thought all of you corporations were just about mass market destruction?
Rhys stops typing and he and Fiona turn to Sasha.
Rhys: I am not a corporation, and see? You learned something today! (turns back to computer)
Fiona: What about Gortys’s upgrade? Is it here?
Rhys: Well, nothing in the files yet, but a lot of it’s been deleted. So that probably says something.
Talk to Vaughn (if Rhys trusted Jack)
Vaughn is eating a melon.
Fiona: I don’t think the upgrade’s in one of those melons.
Vaughn: Uh, I’m eating these because of hunger.
Fiona: Yeah… I know.
Vaughn: Oh, right. Jokes… zing!
Fiona looks at a pair of old clothes.
Sasha: What do you got?
Fiona: Clothes. Looks like someone was wearing this recently.
Fiona looks at a bowl of fruit.
Fiona: Fresh fruit? In here?
Sasha: Find something?
Fiona: Yeah, drakefruit stash.
Sasha: Like actual drakefruit? Can I… have some of it?
Fiona: Someone took a bit out of the only fresh piece. So sure, if you want cooties.
Fiona walks up some steps and looks at a map on a table. She picks it up and turns to the others.
Fiona: I think the technical term for this is “highly goddamn suspicious.”
Sasha: What’s that?
Fiona: Map.
Rhys: Wh-wh-what kind of map?
Fiona: Unclear. The markings on it seem… deliberately obscure.
Gortys: Oh! How fun! Like a treasure hunt map!
Fiona: Yeah, Gortys. Something like that. But it doesn’t appear to lead to anything, so I doubt it has anything to do with your upgrades. (walks down steps)
After looking at all three of these things in no particular order, Fiona walks to the middle of the room.
Fiona: This is weird. I think some one’s been living here.
Loader Bot walks over to Sasha while Gortys moves over to a corner.
Gortys: Don’t worry so much! Maybe he’ll be nice! Or she! Could always be a she! (hides in a ball) Oops.
Fiona walks over to Gortys.
Fiona: Gortys?
She sees someone walk up behind Gortys.
Fiona: Gortys! (aims pistol at them)
Cassius: (puts hands up) Don’t kill me!
??? No idea
Cassius: Please, please don’t kill me! I- I- I have just been watching you! Just-- just watching, that’s all. I swear, I am completely harmless! There is absolutely no need for you to kill me. I- I assure you!
Rhys: You do realize that the more you tell us not to kill you, the more it seems like it’s kinda the right idea?
Fiona: Everything’s okay… (puts gun away) ...if you’re not here to hurt us, we’re not here to hurt you.
He will remember that.
Fiona: Back off! Let’s keep this simple. You don’t wanna die, you do exactly what I tell you to do.
He will remember that.
Cassius: Simplicity. I understand simplicity. (puts hands down)
Fiona: (puts gun away) Good.
Fiona: No one’s killing anyone. But you need to calm the hell down or up your meds. (puts gun away) Okay?
He will remember that.
Rhys: Yeah, forgive my friend. She’s the unreasonably silent type. As long as you can get yourself under control, no problem here.
Fiona puts her gun away.
He will remember that.
Gortys slowly emerges from hiding.
Gortys: Hey there! (waves)
Fiona: That little robot’s why we’re here. There’s an upgrade somewhere nearby. We’re looking for it.
Cassius: (nervously) Well I- I- I can’t help you with that. I know nothing about it. So you should leave. We all should leave. All of us, going out separate ways. I can leave right now, in fact. And if anyone asks -- not that anyone would, of course -- I’ll tell them, I’ll say, I didn’t see you. See who? See, I’ve-- I’ve forgotten you already! (laughs)
Rhys: Aw, come on, man! You’re… y-you’re acting all killable again!
Fiona: Oh, for... (pulls out gun again) Hey, remember this? The part where you were begging us not to kill you? (puts gun away) Let’s rewind, shall we?
Fiona: All right, two things. You’re a) really weird and b) obviously hiding something. What is it?
Fiona: Hey, stranger. Relax. Think of a calm place. Your trusting place. Let’s go back there. Together.
Cassius: Yes, yes.
Fiona and Cassius stare at each other.
Cassius: I, I just, I… I, um…
Loader Bot turns. Cassius notices Vaughn tied to his back.
Cassius: Oh! Y-your friend there… does he happen to suffer from artificially induced hemispherical obdormition?
Fiona looks at him confused.
Cassius: Paralysis?
Vaughn: Whuuuerrrrah.
Rhys: Yeah. Yeah, that’s a good question, Vaughn. Why didn’t you just say paralysis?
Cassius: Because he’s not technically paralyzed. (walks over to him) The contortion, the blinkless eyes. All signs of a toxin called Thanatopsol.
Rhys: Wait, wait wat, you’ve seen this before?
Cassius: Yes. If you let me get a better look at him...
Vaughn: Hrrruhrrriihh...Urrrhhuhnnhah...
Fiona: Well, then you can fix him?
Rhys: Of course you can, right? You’re a doctor.
Fiona: We have no idea if he’s a doctor!
Fiona: Oh, wait. You were just ready to book out of here. Now you want us to stay?
Rhys: (laughs) Excuse me, Fiona, but the good doctor here--
Fiona: We have no idea if he’s a doctor!
Fiona: Hey, keep your creepy hands off him!
Rhys: (laughs) Excuse me, Fiona, but the good doctor here--
Fiona: We have no idea if he’s a doctor!
Rhys: You can fix him, right, Doc? How can I help?
Cassius: Help me get your friend on the table.
Rhys motions to Loader Bot to comply. The latter walks over to the table and sets Vaughn down.
Cassius: There. Good. (rummages through the drawer and pulls out a syringe) Bully! Here we are! (to Fiona) Actually, young lady, I could use your help. Would you take this, please?
Fiona: Uh, yeah. Okay. (takes syringe and turns to Vaughn) What am I doing with this?
Cassius: You’re plunging it into his heart.
Fiona raises up the syringe.
Fiona: I’m what?
Cassius: Right into the heart!
Fiona: Why am I doing this? You’re the doctor!
Cassius: I never said I was that kind of a doctor.
Rhys: Come on, Fiona. Vaughn needs this!
Fiona stabs Vaughn in the chest with the syringe and presses a button on it.
Rhys: Soooo… What now?
Cassius: I don’t know. I’ve never done anything like this before.
Fiona: Uh, what? I thought you knew what-
Vaughn suddenly sits up, no longer paralyzed.
Vaughn: Gaaahhhh-gggghhh! Someone, please spit in my eye! Or lick! Lick my eye! I don’t care! Lick me in the eye!
Sasha: Oh, god. The toxin turned him insane. Or into an eyeball fetishist.
Cassius: He’s dehydrated, but the shot you gave him should help.
Vaughn: (begins blinking rapidly) Oh, oh, oh man. Oh, that’s the stuff. (laughs) Oh my god, thank you for blinking. Ohhhh… gahh-haahhh-haahh...
Cassius: (tries to leave) Well, glad I could help.
Fiona: Whoa, hang on there, Doc, if that is your real name.
Cassius: It’s not, and I never said it was.
Fiona: Well I’m not done with you yet!
Cassius: There’s no need for you to be this suspicious, surely… But I just helped hi-- (sees Athena, sighs) Very well.Cassius: (sighs) Very well, young lady. You win. (walks forward)
Cassius: I’m… on the run, you see. I have lost everything. My wife, my son, my cat. (turns to the others) I did not lose them in that order, though. I lost my wife first, then my cat, then my son. So: wife, cat, son.
Rhys: Have you ever thought of becoming a professional storyteller? (laughing) Because I gotta tell you, your sense for crucial information is just--
Sasha: Rhys.
Cassius: Forgive me. It’s been a long time since I’ve enjoyed human contact. Perhaps I’ve forgotten how to talk to people. You must understand, I’ve suffered months of wandering, isolation. (turns) Skulking from one location to the next. Broken. Ashamed. Homeless. I got here, to this place, only minutes ago. So… I’d ask that you leave me now, to my demons, and go.
Sasha: That’s a sad story. But I still don’t trust him.
Vaughn: Me neither.
Gortys: I do! Is that dumb of me?
Fiona: I saw your map, which I assume you made while exploring this facility.
Cassius: I have no idea what you’re talking about.
Fiona: Oh, no? (holds up map) So maybe you won’t mind if I-- (starts to tear it)
Cassius: (turns and holds hand out) No! Don’t do that… to that, uh, mpa is it? That I’ve never seen before. Just fond of paper.
Fiona: (puts map down) You know, you seem like an intelligent man. You’ve probably figured out that the easiest way to end all this, and get rid of us, is simply tell the truth.
He will remember that.
Fiona: I found a stash of drakefruit. From where I’m standing right now--
Cassius turns to Fiona. She sees that his shirt is messy.
Fiona: --it kinda seems like you were eating some earlier today. Which makes your story of having just arrived here a little, you know, suspect. Actually, you know what? Screw this guy. I mean, look at him. He can’t even eat fruit without splashing juice all over himself. His clothes are terrible. And his cat probably sucked. What could he possibly know that would help us? Let’s get out of here. (starts to leave)
He will remember that.
Fiona: I found your clothes.
Cassius: Clothes? (turns to Fiona)
Fiona: You’re gonna tell me it’s not yours? It’s the exact same outfit you’re wearing right now. Or is that just an odd coincidence.
He will remember that.
Fiona: You know, you seem like an intelligent man.
Cassius: Thank you. I am.
Sasha: Okay, enough of this. You’ve been lying about everything since the moment we got here. And for such a smart guy you seem to have forgotten one important fact.
Cassius turns to Sasha.
Sasha: We’ve got guns! Ergo, we’ve probably killed people. Which, by the transitive property, means we’re willing to kill or at the very least hurt you if necessary!
Rhys: Uh, Sasha, when did, uh… when did you develop an interest in relational logic?
Sasha: Recently!
Cassius: Sasha, is it?
Cassius begins to walk up the steps. The others walk and stop around him.
Cassius: I’ll tell you what you want to know. Follow me. I am not a simple traveler. I’ve lived here for months.
Vaughn: So dead wife, dead kid-- that’s all horsecrap?
Cassius: Yes. Although skags did eat my cat.
Sasha: Aw, guys, the cat…
Cassius: He was a terrible cat.
Rhys: By which you mean he was a cat, am I right? (laughs) Jeez. Tough room.
Fiona walks up the steps toward Cassius. He looks out the window to a bunker.
Cassius: The bunker within that jungle -- I suspect it contains the upgrade you’re looking for. I wish I could tell you more about what’s inside, but I was never brave enough to check. The problem -- your problem -- is the Atlas Automated Security System that surrounds said bunker.
Fiona: Isn’t it always.
Cassius: If I were you -- and in this instance I’m relieved I am not -- I’d gain access to the security tower, which is there. (nods to security tower out the window)
Rhys: I can get in and disable the security systems. Easy.
Cassius: Not easy. Not at all easy. But your best option, nonetheless.
Vaughn: Automated Security System, huh? Huh, just realized the acronym for that is ASS. Ha!
Sasha: Yeah, that’s probably why no one calls it that.
Vaughn: Hey, Rhys. Guess what we’re gonna do? We’re gonna disable Atlas’s ASS. Hahahahaha, so good!
Rhys: Yeah, buddy. Good times.
Fiona: What kind of defenses are we talking about here?
Cassius: Oh, the usual medley of turrets and laser grids. Self-regulated, self-controlling. All lethal, of course.
Sasha: Rhys, that sounds like something you can handle, right?
Fiona: Do you think Rhys can handle hacking into those security systems?
Rhys: Please. In my sleep.
Fiona: You sure you’ve never been inside?
Cassius: Quite sure. No more lies, as we agreed.
Sasha: Rhys, think you can get into the security tower and hack your way past its defenses?
Sasha: Well, sounds like we got our work cut out for us. Rhys, think you can get into the security tower and hack your way past its defenses?
Athena: (walks over) So we’re done talking, then? We can actually go secure this upgrade now?
Fiona, Sasha, Rhys, and Cassius walk back down the steps.
Athena: Fiona, while Mr. Robot Eye here hits the security tower and hacks its defenses, you and I will infiltrate the bunker and grab the upgrade. Let’s get this Gortys piece and get out of here, huh?
Fiona: Oh, uh, you and I?
Fiona: Was that sarcastic?
Athena: No. I’m serious.
Fiona: Awesome! This is incredible!
Fiona says nothing.
Vaughn: Okay, little update from me, uh, which is, I feel terrible! Not good at all. And I’m sure I’ve got some residual nerve damage.
Cassius: (gets close to Vaughn) Almost certainly you do.
Vaughn: (gestures Cassius away) Right. Thank you for that input. So, I’m gonna maybe chill out here? If that’s cool with everyone?
Sasha: I’ll go with Rhys and make sure he doesn’t get into any trouble.
Rhys: It’s a simple hack. You want to know how simple? I look at it, and it hacks! No need to put yourself in danger.
Sasha: Ohh. If it wasn’t for me and Fiona, you’d be skag food, hmm, how many times now? You need me. (walks away)
Rhys, Fiona, and Athena follow her.
Fiona, Rhys, and Athena start to leave. Fiona stops before leaving and turns to Vaughn. Cassius slowly walks away.
Vaughn: There’s a lot of stuff I can do, right? Huh? I mean, I don’t have a robot eye… I’m not a highly trained assassin. Also not particularly charming, but-- but I can still do stuff! Yeah, I- I- I can do it. I’ll- I’ll figure out something to do back here while you’re gone. (waves arms) Have fun, everyone. Being awesome… I guess.
Fiona: (walks over to Vaughn) Hey, I got a job for you. Use the computers in here and find out whatever you can about Atlas, Gortys, or the Vaults.
Vaughn will remember that.
Fiona: (walks over to Vaughn) Hey, do me a favor. Watch that guy. I don’t trust him as far as I can throw him.
Cassius is seen holding a strange object.
Vaughn: I doubt you could throw him at all. He’s probably much heavier than he looks.
Fiona: That’s kinda my point.
Vaughn will remember that.
Fiona: (walks over to Vaughn) Work with Gortys while we’re gone. Figure out exactly how her upgrades work.
Vaughn will remember that.
Vaughn: I can do that.
Fiona: You know, Vaughn, you’ve been through a lot. Maybe for now you should just… focus on getting some rest.
Vaughn will remember that.
Fiona walks over to Rhys, Sasha, and Athena in the elevator.
Fiona: All right! Everyone knows what they’re doing?
Sasha/Rhys/Athena: Yeah!/Uh huh./Yep.
Fiona: Hey, with a plan like this, what could possibly go wrong?
The elevator door closes.
Pandora (Present)[]
Rhys and Fiona are continuing their journey with the Masked Kidnapper following them.
Rhys: So, despite my incredible leadership efforts going unnoticed, Sasha and I went to go brave the catwalks and find the security station. (walks into a hanging branch and rubs his face)
Fiona: How are you not permanently damaged from all this brain trauma?
Rhys: (continues walking) I’m perfectly fine, thank you. I’ve got a tough noggin. Just ask Vasquez… or… nevermind. (stops and sees a hole in a mountain) Huh. (points to it) Huh... (points to ground) Huhhhh! Huh huh huh!
Fiona: Perfectly fine, huh? (sees thing Rhys found on the ground) Huh.
Masked Kidnapper: (crouches down) Huh.
Jungle (Past)[]
Rhys, Fiona, Sasha, and Athena are going down an elevator together. It reaches a stop and Rhys and Sasha exit and walk away. They stop and turn to Fiona. She finger guns them as Athena hits the control pad and the elevator continues going down. Rhys and Sasha start walking together. Rhys is now the playable character.
Sasha: You’re not as useless as I first thought. I mean, when I first saw you guys I thought, “Wow… no wonder Hyperion isn’t what it used to be.”
Rhys: Well, maybe you’re just a bad judge of character.
Sasha will remember that.
Rhys: (laughs) Well, I guess you’re not so bad yourself.
Sasha will remember that.
Rhys: (laughs) Well, I appreciate that. I know it’s a hard thing for you to say.
Sasha will remember that.
Rhys says nothing.
Rhys: You know, when I first saw you at the deal with, uh, Nose Ring Boy, I thought, uh, “These two don’t know what the hell they’re doing.”
Sasha: You weren’t wrong about that.
Rhys: Were you two… close?
Rhys: I wonder what he’s up to now.
Sasha: Who?
Rhys: August.
Sasha: Who cares? Probably getting chewed out by his mom.
Rhys: (laughs) Yeah, she did look pretty pissed.
Rhys: I can’t believe he pointed his gun at you back there.
Sasha: Yeah, well… he wouldn’t have pulled the trigger.
Rhys: You sure about that?
Rhys says nothing.
They stop walking.
Sasha: August was a mark. Nothing more, nothing less.
Rhys: Ooh. Nothing less?
Sasha: (leans on wall) I don’t know why I said that part. Felt like I was supposed to. You spend a certain amount of time with someone, you… you get to see a side of them you might not have been expecting.
Rhys: Ah. Right… so, what you’re saying is he was really into guns.
Sasha: (nods) Exactly. (stops leaning)
They continue walking until they enter the jungle. Jellyfish are seen flying around under the flora.
Sasha: Wow.
Rhys: (laughing) Yeah…
Sasha walks forward and crouches down, looking down below to see more jellyfish.
Sasha: It’s just… so…
Rhys: Jungley?
Sasha: Mm… Not… what I was gonna say.
Rhys: But I’m not wrong.
Sasha: No, you’re not wrong. Just… very literal.
Rhys: Well, I call it like I see it.
Rhys: Beautiful?
Sasha: Yeah. I’ve never seen anything like it.
Rhys: Me either.
Sasha: Let’s see where this goes. (stands up)
Rhys: Romantic?
Sasha: What was that?
Rhys: Hm? I was-- noth-- didn’t say nothing.
Sasha: (stands up) What’d you ju- What’d you just say?
Rhys: I didn't... s-- say, say nothing, no.
Sasha: I definitely heard you say something.
Rhys: I… said it-- (clears throat) --it looks, uh… rooeal frantic.
Sasha: What? Roll frantic?
Rhys: Ro- well, roe, real… real frantic. Real frantic. That’s what I said.
Sasha: Real confused right now.
Rhys: (laughs) Why?
Sasha: Real frantic? That doesn’t make sense.
Sasha hopefully won’t remember that.
Rhys: I, uh said-- (clears throat) I s-said romantic.
Sasha: Yeah, that… that’s what I thought you said.
Rhys: Am I wrong? Look at this place.
Sasha: No, you’re not wrong, it’s… just a weird thing to say.
Sasha hopefully won’t remember that.
Rhys says nothing and points ahead. Rhys and Sasha walk up the catwalk.
Sasha: I’ve… never seen anything like it. (stands up)
They continue walking along the catwalk. They stop when they see a small gap in their way. Rhys looks down the gap.
Rhys: Whoa ho ho ho, okay… we are pretty high.
Sasha: You have a problem with heights?
Rhys: Sometimes… just most-- mostly when I look down. (laughs)
Sasha: Well then, don’t look down. (runs forward and jumps across the gap)
Rhys is surprised by this.
Sasha: Don’t be scared. I won’t let you fall. Okay, come on. I believe in you, Rhys. What’re you waiting for?
Rhys: Wow… you made that look really easy.
Sasha: Well, that’s cause it is.
Rhys: (nervously laughing) Scared? Who’s scare-- I don’t-- nobody. I’m not scared.
Sasha: Okay. Good.
Rhys: This is easy mode right here, sister. Cause I could jump like, I don’t know, a… million times further than that.
Sasha: Cool… well, let’s just start with this.
Rhys: Yeah, let’s-- I’m not… I’m not scared.
Rhys: You promise?
Sasha: Yes, I promise.
Rhys: (imitating August) You would never lie to me, Sasha. You should never lie to me.
Sasha: That’s not funny.
Rhys: Phew...
Rhys: Okay… go time.
Rhys begins to run across.
Rhys lands onto the platform but almost falls backwards. He holds his arms out and straightens himself.
Rhys: Okay… yeah, that was… totally not scary.
Rhys jumps across but almost falls, hanging onto the platform.
Rhys: Uhh, little help.
The platform begins to break. Rhys holds on as Sasha grabs onto Rhys before she can fall. Varkids are seen flying up from below them as Rhys holds on tight. It cuts to Fiona and Athena seeing these varkids flying in the air.
Athena: Hope you brought some bug spray.
It cuts back to Rhys and Sasha. Rhys is screaming in panic as Sasha holds on to him.
Rhys: Sasha!
Sasha: I’m all right. (looks down) Don’t look down!
Rhys: Okay.
Sasha: And don’t puke on me.
Rhys: (gags) No promises.
Rhys can try to climb up the broken platform. If he does, his robot arm pulls him up much quicker than his normal arm.
Sasha: All right, all right… just stay calm. You’ve got to climb up.
Rhys: Robot… arm… stronger than… regular arm…
Sasha: You’re doing great.
Eventually, the platform breaks some more and lowers them quickly.
Rhys: Whoa whoa whoa!
Sasha: Climb faster.
Rhys: I’m going as fast as I can.
Sasha: It’s gonna go. Hold tight.
The platform breaks even more. Rhys and Sasha scream for their lives. Rhys groans as he is losing strength. He can continue to try climbing, but it does very little.
Rhys: Just hold on, okay? It’s gonna take a little longer… I’m losing… strength!
Sasha: (looks down) Rhys… I’m letting go. There’s no way you’re getting up that with me hanging on you.
Rhys: Okay… I understand… probably for the best.
Rhys: No! There’s no need to sacrifice yourself. You have to trust me! I’ll get us out of this!
Rhys: No! No, Sasha, I won’t let you go! You have to trust me! I’ll get us out of this!
Rhys says nothing.
Sasha won’t forget that.
Sasha: It’s okay, Rhys.
Rhys: Sasha! Sasha!
Sasha lets go of Rhys and falls. Rhys looks down and holds out his hand.
Rhys: Noooooooooooooo!!!!
He realizes that they are not that far from the ground, and that Sasha is standing below him perfectly fine.
Rhys: Wow, we are really close to the ground, aren’t we?
Sasha: You sure know how to make things dramatic.
Rhys: I mean, to be fair, y-you-- you did tell me not to look down.
Sasha: Well, you can drop down now. (holds out arms)
Rhys: Yeah, okay. (lets go and lands in Sasha’s arms)
They look at each other.
Sasha: Ok, you can get down now.
Rhys: Y-yeah, down…
Sasha: (puts Rhys down) And for the record, I didn’t let you fall.
Rhys rubs himself off.
Sasha: Hoo… We made it.
Rhys: (laughing) You see, I… I thought you were… sacrificing yourself… so I could survive…
Sasha: (laughs) Yeah, no. I… I wouldn’t do that.
Rhys: I’m, uh… I’m glad that you didn’t… plummet to your death.
Rhys: Well, technically we still fell.
Sasha: Well, then I technically let you down.
Rhys says nothing.
Rhys and Sasha look up from where they fell.
Rhys: So right… the turret controls we need to get to are back up there.
Sasha: Guess we’ll take the scenic route. (walks forward)
Rhys follows Sasha through the jungle.
Bunker[]
Fiona and Athena are still taking the elevator down. Fiona sees lots of plants, including a giant carnivorous plant on the ground. Fiona is now the playable character.
Fiona: Wow.
The elevator makes it to the ground.
Athena: It’s just trees.
Fiona: No… no, totally. That was a sarcastic wow. This beautiful jungle has no effect on me...
Athena: I agree.
Fiona: Oh come on, you can’t tell me that you’re not amazed by this too. How jaded are you?
Athena: Beautiful vistas and tremendous violence often go hand in hand out here. I say this as someone who has been inside the moon.
Fiona: I just-- I can’t believe this, this… this jungle is incredible!
Athena: I forget that this is new for you.
Fiona shrugs.
Athena: Come on, the Gortys upgrade is that way. (exits lift)
Fiona walks forward.
Talk to Athena
'''Fiona:''' ''(looks at Athena’s scarf)'' Was that scarf a gift from someone?<br />
'''Athena:''' My sister. Got it for me before my first long away mission.
Talk to Athena again
'''Athena:''' We need to keep moving.
Fiona: (laughs) Look at that. Nature’s taking it all back.
Fiona: (looks at giant fruit) Wow. That’s, uh… that’s a big fruit. I don’t even think Vaughn could finish that off.
Fiona: (looks at tree) Huh. Was it supposed to look like this?
Fiona opens a loot crate to find money. She looks around before taking and pocketing the money.
BANK ACCOUNT+$200
Fiona walks up to the killer plant. It roars at them.
Fiona: Gah! What the hell is that thing?!
Athena: That… is an opportunity.
The plant snaps at Fiona.
Athena: What are you packing? That little sleeve-pistol?
Fiona pulls out her pistol.
Athena: You’re going to need more than that.
Fiona: My… Felix made it for me. Always said I’d be better off talking my way out of a fight than shooting my way out.
Fiona: Yep. Sucks. Who walks around Pandora with a gun that can only carry one bullet?
Fiona: I don’t need anything else! I can hide it up my sleeve, choose different elemental effects… Just ask Vallory’s henchguys.
Athena: Let me see it.
Athena: (grabs Fiona’s gun and tinkers with it) Felix put training wheels on this thing. He was holding you back.
Fiona: (sarcasm) What, was he scared I’d hurt myself?
Athena: (stops) There. No more elemental burnout.
Fiona puts the pistol back up her sleeve.
Athena: And if you’re worried about bullets… (gives Fiona a box of bullets)
Fiona pockets the bullets.
Fiona pulls out her first bullet.
Athena: What’s that? Obviously it’s a bullet. I mean, why are you looking at it like that?
Fiona: Just… something to remind me that you can’t trust anybody out here. Not even family.
Fiona: A backup plan… only for emergencies...
Fiona: Nothing. Just another bullet.
Fiona says nothing.
Athena will remember that.
Athena: It’s your lucky bullet. Everyone has a bullet out there with their name on it… if you’re lucky… the one you got there is yours. So keep it close… you don’t want it coming back to you.
Fiona puts the bullet in her chest.Fiona pulls out her pistol to examine it.
Fiona: So, now I…?
Athena: (pushes Fiona toward the plant) Now you take it down.
Fiona stumbles and stands straight to point her pistol at the killer plant. The plant has two bulbs, one is red and one is blue.
Fiona shoots one of the bulbs.
Athena: That doesn’t work, Fiona.
Fiona shoots one of the bulbs and reloads.
Fiona shoots the former with an incendiary bullet and the latter with a shock bullet. The plant roars and pushes Fiona back toward Athena.
Athena: It’s going to kill you. You should do something.
Fiona: Yeah, but-- What if that thing had killed me just now?
Athena will remember that.
Fiona: Yeah, I don’t think you’re exactly doing a great job of protecting me so far.
Athena will remember that.
Fiona: You’re supposed to be protecting me, right? Are you gonna, like, kill it or something?
Athena will remember that.
Athena: You don’t think you have what it takes to be a Vault Hunter, do you?
Fiona: (puts pistol away) You keep calling me “Vault Hunter,” but I’m not like you. I can’t throw a shield, or go invisible. My one talent involves talking at people until they get confused.
Athena: We don’t all get to choose our talents, Fiona. Look at me. (pulls out shield) Do you think I would have chosen a shield to protect myself out here? I learn to make do. (pats Fiona on the back) You’ve spent your entire life out thinking your enemies. Do that now. See the outcomes before you act. (pushes Fiona toward the plant)
The plant roars at Fiona.
Fiona shoots the plant.
Fiona tucks and rolls past the killer plant. She stands up and grabs it by the neck, pulling it to the ground and injuring it.
The plant gives out one final cry before leaning over and dying. Athena cuts the killer plant down with her sword.
Athena: Wasn’t so hard, was it?
Fiona: You think so? Hrm, “Fiona, the Vault Hunter.” I kinda like it.
Fiona: I prefer to avoid confrontation. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m just a con-artist.
Fiona: Oh, too bad Sasha wasn’t here. (holds out hand like a gun) She would have loved watching me shoot a thing in the face.
Athena: My sister felt much the same way about my exploits, until I was duped into murdering her.
Fiona: (shocked expression) ...You are so bad at conversation--
Athena: I… I knew it was weird the moment I said it--
Fiona: You’re like the worst at it.
Athena: You don’t have to put on a brave face. I know that scared you. But it didn’t kill you.
Athena: Come on. The sooner we can upgrade Gortys, the sooner we can leave.
She and Fiona continue walking to their destination.
Jungle[]
Rhys is now the playable character. Rhys and Sasha continue walking through the jungle but stop. They see jellyfish creatures floating in the air high above them. Sasha continues forward and Rhys follows her.
Rhys: Awww. This thing’s actually kinda cute. I mean, for Pandora.
Rhys touches the jellyfish and it bounces away.
Rhys follows Sasha over to some flowers she is looking at.
Sasha: After a while you just sort of feel like you’ve seen everything… like you can’t be surprised by anything anymore. (walks away and sighs) Something so delicate… hidden away...
Rhys picks a flower and looks at Sasha.
Rhys: (walks over to Sasha) Okay, s-- so, I’m, I’m going to stick this on your head, a-and-- and please don’t stab me.
Sasha won’t forget that.
Sasha: Okay…
Rhys: (sticks the flower in her hair) And there ya go.
Sasha: Aww… thanks. (poses) How do I look?
Rhys puts the flower in his jacket pocket.
Sasha: Nice.
Rhys: Oh, I’m sorry, y-you— you were expecting me to give it t-to— to you?
Sasha won’t forget that.
Sasha: I expect nothing from you, Rhys.
Rhys: I’ve heard that before. How do I look? (poses)
The flower squirts liquid onto Sasha’s face. The jellyfish around them turn red. Rhys and Sasha laugh together.
Rhys: Maybe we should just let it be.
Sasha picks a flower.
Sasha won’t forget that.
Sasha: I wanna show Fiona.
The flower squirts liquid onto Sasha’s face. The jellyfish around them turn red. Rhys and Sasha laugh together.
Rhys: You deserve that.
Rhys and Sasha suddenly hear loud noises.
Sasha: What the hell is that?
Rhys and Sasha turn to see the jellyfish converging on their position, now hostile.
Rhys: This is why we can’t have anything nice. Red means bad, right?
A jellyfish sneaks up on Sasha and stings her in the back. She falls over.
Sasha: Ow! Ahh! Ughh, ahh!
Rhys and Sasha start running away. Rhys notices a lift nearby.
Rhys: Over there!
They stop and notice that the jellyfish are chasing after them very slowly.
Sasha: Finally. Something slow.
Two jellyfish float above Rhys.
Another jellyfish floats near them.
Rhys and Sasha continue running until they make it into the lift.
Sasha: Uh, Rhys… There’s no power!
Rhys: Hang on… I think I can jump start it! (pulls out stun baton)
Rhys sticks the baton into a power port on the lift, lighting it up and powering on the lift. The lift begins to go up incredibly slowly.
Rhys: (sarcasm) Oh. Good. This is slow too.
Sasha: Huh. This is weird.
The jellyfish continue to chase them.
Bunker[]
Fiona and Athena continue heading toward the bunker. Athena spots it.
Athena: There.
Suddenly, a turret above the door activates and starts shooting at them. Fiona and Athena go right and left respectively behind trees to avoid gunfire.
Fiona: Augh! What the hell? (pokes out) I thought Rhys was taking care of this! (hides back behind tree)
Athena: You can handle this on your own.
Suddenly, Athena’s ECHO goes off.
Athena: Oh crap. (answers ECHO) Hi, Janey.
Springs (ECHO): Athena? Where are you?
Athena: (to Fiona) Go on.
Athena: (to Springs) I told you, darling, I’m just out on a long delivery. It won’t be much longer, I promise.
Springs (ECHO): Athena…
Athena: (to Springs) Darling--
Springs (ECHO): No no, don’t you “Darling” me. And don’t let me slow down any murderous rampages you might be on either.
Athena: Springs, it’s not like that. I’m not killing anyone. It’s just that protection job-- Remember the one I told you about?
Springs (ECHO): Hat girl?
While they have their conversation, Fiona works on taking out the turret. She can try shooting it with shock and incendiary bullets, but only corrosive takes it down for good.
Athena: Uh huh. I know that…
Fiona: (puts pistol away) Ahem.
Athena: Gotta run. Another delivery. I… (sigh) I’ll see you soon.
Springs (ECHO): Bye-bye.
Athena hangs up and sighs.
Fiona: Well. That sounded… uncomfortable.
Fiona: Who… was that just then?
Fiona: So… unless there’s a delivery I don’t know about… why were you lying?
Athena: It’s not what it looks like.
Athena: That was my girlfriend, Springs. She… doesn’t know I still do the Vault Hunting and adventuring and everything…
Fiona: Well, I think it’s smart that you keep this from her. I mean, she would just worry.
Athena will remember that.
Fiona: Maybe you should just tell her the truth.
Fiona: Well, why are you lying to her?
Athena will remember that.
Fiona shrugs.
Athena will remember that.
Fiona stares at Athena.
Athena: What? It’s not that I want to lie to her. She just… worries.
Fiona: Well, I think it’s smart that you keep this from her. I mean, she would just worry.
Athena will remember that.
Fiona: Maybe you should just tell her the truth.
Fiona: Well, why are you lying to her?
Athena will remember that.
Fiona shrugs.
Athena will remember that.
Springs (ECHO): Well, try not to risk your damn neck too much. You’re rustier than you used to be.
Athena: Only because you made me quit!
Springs (ECHO): Funny, doesn’t seem like it took.
Athena: Hey--!
Springs hangs up. Athena walks up to Fiona.
Fiona: It’s better this way. Having it out in the open.
Athena will remember that.
Fiona: Hey, don’t look at me like that. It’s not my fault.
Athena will remember that.
Athena: Still doesn’t change the fact that I have to clean up this mess.
Fiona: Yeah but--
Fiona: I am really sorry about that. Hope I didn’t get you in too much trouble.
Athena sighs.
Athena: Let’s just keep moving (walks forward)
Fiona and Athena walk toward the bunker door.
Athena: Looks like this piece of tin could probably be popped right off if we yanked hard enough… Ideas?
Fiona tries to pry the door open but is unsuccessful.
Fiona: Huh. It’s another retina scanner.
Fiona: Oh, hang on. I’ve got this. (pulls General Pollux’s eyeball out of her pocket)
Athena: Is that an eye?
Fiona: Uh huh. (uses it on the retina scanner)
Athena: Why are you carrying an eye around in your pocket?
Fiona: I thought it might come in handy.
The door opens.
Automated Voice: Welcome… General Pollux.
Fiona: See? It came in handy.
Athena: That is so weird! Your carrying that around is the weirdest thing I have ever seen, and I have seen a lot.
Fiona: It’s not that we--
Athena: Oh my god. Yes, yes it is. (enters bunker)
Fiona follows Athena. The door closes behind them.
Bunker (Inside)[]
Fiona and Athena are inside the large bunker. Fiona notices a lift. She turns to Athena, who nods at her. They both walk onto the lift. They see that it goes down and diagonal. It suddenly starts up, startling Fiona, as it begins to head down to their destination. Fiona sees the Gortys upgrade floating in a beam of light.
Fiona: That’s beautiful.
The lift makes it to the bottom of the floor.
Athena: Yeah. Good drop. Let’s grab it and go.
Fiona steps off the lift and walks toward the Gortys upgrade. However, before she can acquire it, four turrets around her are deployed and beep. Athena rushes in front of Fiona and deploys her shield, blocking the unlimited bullets from the turrets.
Athena: I thought your friend was going to shut all of this down?!
Fiona: I know, I know! (opens ECHO)
Sasha (ECHO): Fiona? Everything okay?
Fiona: I hope you’re doing better than we are!
Fiona: Shut down the turrets!
Fiona: Hey, the turrets are still active! Why are the turrets still active?
Fiona says nothing.
Security Tower[]
It cuts to inside the dark security room.
Athena (ECHO): Shut down those turrets! Now!
Fiona (ECHO): Can you hear me?! Shut them down now!
Athena (ECHO): Shut them down now!
Rhys and Sasha suddenly enter the room.
Sasha: Okay, good! Let’s get in!
Rhys: (trips onto the floor) Oww. Damn thing that I… can’t see. (stands up and presses a button on a keyboard)
All of the TV screens in the room turn on, showing the security cameras’ vision. Rhys begins typing on the keyboard. Sasha looks at the window next to Rhys.
Sasha: Ohh, wow. Okay…
Rhys turns to see all of the red jellyfish pressing against the glass of the window. It begins to crack.
Sasha: Whatever you gotta do, you should probably do it faster than you were planning.
Rhys: Yeah. (activates ECHO eye) All right, this should be easy. Just need to match up the circuits for the security systems…
Sasha: And that will shut it down?
Rhys: Yeah, that’s the plan… but, y’know, it’s kinda like pulling strings. You… tug on one and see what happens.
Sasha: Okay… how can I help?
Rhys: Yeah, just gimme some space. I can… I can do this.
Sasha: What exactly are you doing?
Rhys: Well, I’m trying to patch into security… but there are a lot of different systems in here. You see that symbol in the top corner of the screen? See, that’s what I’m looking for.
Sasha: I don’t see anything.
Rhys: Oh, right, that’s cause it’s in ECHO-Eye...
Sasha: Are you… done doing your thing yet?
Rhys: You see me working, right? Going as fast as I can. Come on, where are you? Stupid Atlas subroutines...
Sasha: Rhys…
Rhys: Less talky! Need to think, thank you! Come on, Rhys… you’re getting rusty...
The loud alarm suddenly goes off.
Sasha: Okay, what is that!?
Rhys: Sorry! I just have to go through all of these! And they’re not la-- labeled… and it’s… hard. Okay.
The air conditioner comes on and blows air in Rhys and Sasha’s faces.
Sasha: Rhys, what are you doing?
The lights flicker.
Sasha: Rhys? Yeah, this is-- this is not progress.
Rhys matches the security drone nodes.
Rhys: There we go! (sees screen) Oh crap. Sasha, look at this.
Several pop up windows pop up, including one that reveals that Dr. Cassius Leclemaine is an Atlas scientist.
Sasha: He’s an Atlas scientist?
Rhys: Oh this is not good.
Suddenly, the jellyfish break the window and burst into the room. The door behind them opens.
Sasha: Come on!
Sasha and Rhys rush out of the room. The door closes behind them. A jellyfish comes from above and heads toward them. Rhys tries to pull out his stun baton but remembers that it is powering the lift.
Rhys: Of course.
The jellyfish attacks Rhys and knocks him off the lift, sending him landing on the ground and passing out.
Jack: (v.o.) Don’t worry, buddy boy. I’ll take the wheel for a few…
Bunker (Inside)[]
Fiona is now the playable character. The turrets are still shooting at Fiona and Athena, the latter of which is blocking the bullets with her shield.
Fiona: We’re safe behind that shield, right?
Athena: Until it runs out of energy and we’re both shot to death, yes!
Fiona: I am gonna kill that Hyperion--
Fiona: I got it! Throw your shield at the guns so it ricochets and destroys them all!
Athena: And what happens to us if there’s no shield to stop the turret fire?
Fiona: Look, if I time it right, I can run through the gunfire!
Fiona says nothing.
The turrets suddenly stop firing and retreat. Athena puts her shield down.
Athena: Grab the Gortys upgrade, quick. (turns and walks away)
Fiona walks over to the Gortys upgrade. She grabs it and pulls it out of the beam of light.
Fiona: I guess this is the Energy Chassis. Any idea what it does?
Athena: It gets us one step closer to a Vault.
Fiona: Is it worth it? Constantly risking your life trying to find out what’s inside of a Vault?
Fiona: This is good. If this is what being a Vault Hunter is like… I think it’s what I want to do.
Fiona: I don’t know how you live like this. Out there on your own, risking your life over… stuff.
Athena: Feels good. I know.
Fiona: (walks toward lift) Come on. Let’s get this thing back so it can do… whatever it does.
Pandora (Present)[]
Fiona, crouching, stands up holding the Energy Chassis.
Fiona: This is what you’ve been looking for?
Masked Kidnapper: Yes.
Rhys: (rubs his face) Oh man. Okay, what are the odds that you’d find that piece just as Fiona told that part of the story?
The Masked Kidnapper snatches the chassis and points his gun at Rhys and Fiona.
Masked Kidnapper: Just lucky I guess.
Fiona: Sure… lucky.
Rhys: Uh huh. What do you want with that thing, huh? Clearly you know what happened.
Masked Kidnapper: If I knew everything, you wouldn’t be here… I’m saying I would have killed you--
Fiona: Yeah, we get it.
Bio Dome Facility (Inside)[]
Fiona and Athena enter the facility, now with the Energy Chassis. Loader Bot walks by and Vaughn turns to Fiona.
Vaughn: Oh! You made it! Ha! Awesome. (walks over to her)
Vaughn: Hey, so that thing you wanted me to look into…
Fiona: The Vault?
Vaughn: Yeah, the specific one we’re going after is called the Vault of the Traveller.
Fiona: Okay… why’s it called that?
Vaughn: Well, it apparently teleports all over the universe.
Fiona: Well, that’s… fantastic.
Fiona:: About Cassius?
Vaughn: Yeah, um… I found out some stuff, but… (whispers) I’m not sure this is exactly the best place to talk about it...
Fiona: Okay…
Fiona: The upgrade?
Vaughn: Yeah. I found out it’s some sort of energy chassis.
Fiona: That… doesn’t mean anything to me.
Vaughn: Well, I guess it’s some sort of ring that fits around Gortys and allows her to digistruct.
Cassius is suddenly behind them. Fiona and Vaughn are startled by him.
Cassius: You’ve returned! And with the Gortys upgrade no less. Huzzah! I take it that you’ll be on your way then? No point dawdling in a crummy, run-down facility like this. Time must be of the essence, isn’t it? And you need to be… off to the next part of your adventure.
Fiona: We came here to upgrade Gortys. No one’s leaving ‘til we do that.
Fiona: You do realize we’re still waiting on two more?
Vaughn: Yeah… we’re not about to ditch our friends.
Fiona: You seem pretty eager to get us out of here…
Athena: We already have the Gortys Upgrade. What are you still nervous about?
Cassius: Nervous? No. Nothing of the sort. Just… ready to move on… to the next chapter of...
Athena: Are you gonna finish your sentence?
Cassius: Well, perhaps I should be the one to leave then. (walks away)
Sasha enters the facility with a nearly unconscious Rhys.
Vaughn: What happened?
Sasha: (walks in) Um, oh. Rhys just took a spill. He’s, he’s totally fine. (sets Rhys down)
Rhys: Just take spill… fine...
Vaughn: Oh. Good.
Sasha: We learned something… about Cassius.
Athena: Why are you looking at me?
Sasha: He works for Atlas.
Athena turns to Cassius, who is trying to leave. He stops and looks at Athena.
Athena: (walks toward Cassius) You lying Atlas shit!
Rhys: (controlled by Jack, offscreen) Whoooooo!
Rhys and Sasha enter the facility.
Rhys: God! I forgot how great this feels.
Fiona looks at Sasha. She shrugs.
Rhys: (to Vaughn) Ohoho, and it’s great to see you, kiddo. (nudges him) Ooh, ol’ Iron Abs over here! (laughs) And here I thought you were just a dweeb. But no, you’re a buff dweeb.
Fiona: Hey! Knock it off!
Rhys: Knock what off? Hah. Look, Sweetie...
Fiona: Rhys... you’re acting like an ass.
Rhys: Hah. Look, Sweetie...
Fiona: Rhys... what’s wrong with you?
Rhys: Aw, don’t worry, Sweetie.
Rhys: Awww, Sweetie... you look like you've seen a ghost... And you're not that far off... But look...
Rhys: I just gotta be me, baby. (laughs) Y’know, this me… the, the me that I am right now. (turns to Athena and walks to her) Athena! Have I got something for you. Ooh, you’re gonna be soooo happy. (puts arm on her shoulder)
Athena: I doubt that.
Rhys: Hahahaha. Let me finish, huh? Let me finish. You see that old, scared looking guy right there?
Cassius stops as he is trying to leave.
Rhys: Go on, wave your hand. There he is, all right. That… is the last Atlas employee left on Pandora.
Sasha: It’s… it’s true.
Rhys: Well? What’re you freakin’ waiting for? Kill him!
Sasha: Shut up, Rhys!
Athena walks away.
Rhys: Oh, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Got a little carried away there. (shakes head) Won’t happen again, Cupcake. (smacks Sasha’s backside)
Sasha punches Rhys in the face, knocking him out.
Loader Bot: What the hell was that?
Vaughn: I… might have an idea.
Cassius tries to leave but Loader Bot blocks his way. Athena pulls out her sword and grabs Cassius, holding the sword to his neck.
Vaughn: Whoa! Whoa! What’re you doing?
Athena: Fulfilling an obligation.
Fiona, Sasha, Gortys, and Vaughn rush over.
Gortys: Why is everyone so excited? What’s happening?
Cassius: I knew this day would eventually come. (laughs) You sure took your time…
Athena: Well, your wait will soon be over.
Fiona: So you know all about Gortys.
Fiona: So who are you? Really?
Fiona: Why did you lie to us?
Sasha: What’s your deal?
Cassius: As far as I’m aware, I am the last remaining Atlas employee on Pandora.
Athena: Then you’re the last to die.
Gortys: Wait! Why are you doing this?
Athena: Because… god… because Atlas… tricked me into killing my own sister, ok? What would you do if that happened to you?
Sasha: I’d burn everything to the ground.
Athena: The only thing that kept me from doing that… was focusing my anger… to rid the world of Atlas… to avenge my sister. And that is why I have to kill you.
Vaughn: But he didn’t have anything to do with that!
Cassius: It’s okay.
Gortys: No! It’s not. I’m Atlas too. Am I next?
Athena: It’s different.
Gortys: It doesn’t have to be! It can be the same!
Athena attempts to strike Cassius, but Fiona grabs her sword.
Fiona: Athena, stop!
Athena: I can’t. You don’t understand! I made a vow.
Fiona: You didn’t make it to her… you made it to yourself and you’re acting like there’s no choice… You don’t have to do this.
They will remember that.
Cassius: I am sorry… for what happened to your sister.
Athena: Thank you. (holds up sword)
Fiona: What would I do? I’d get my revenge.
Sasha: She’s right…
They will remember that.
Gortys: How can you say that?
Cassius: Please… It’s okay. I see now, and… I accept my fate.
Gortys: I… I don’t understand. (goes away)
Cassius: Athena, I wish you peace.
Athena holds up her sword.
Vaughn: This… this isn’t right…
Athena: Quiet.
Sasha: She’s right…
Gortys: How can you say that?
Cassius: Please… It’s okay. I see now, and… I accept my fate.
Gortys: I… I don’t understand. (goes away)
They will remember that.
Cassius: Athena, I wish you peace.
Athena holds up her sword.
Vaughn: This… this isn’t right…
Athena: Quiet.
Athena: Quiet!
Suddenly, Brick bursts in through the window. Athena pushes Cassius aside as Brick grabs her.
Athena: Ughh!
Brick, holding Athena, jumps out of another window screaming.
Vaughn: Holy crap! What was that?!
Fiona: Athena! (rushes to window)
Suddenly, a bola is shot at Fiona’s feet, tying them together.
Fiona: Oh, no. Aaagh!
Sasha: (rushes to window) Fiona!
Vaughn rushes over to the window Brick entered from. Rhys has now just woken up and rushes over to Vaughn.
Vaughn: Of course.
Rhys and Vaughn see Vallory holding her rocket launcher. She shoots three rockets at them. Rhys and Vaughn dive for cover. Gortys hides into a ball and Loader Bot protects her by folding up. The rockets cause a big explosion. It cuts to Rhys, who is now the playable character. He wakes up after being unconscious. Looking around, he sees a fire from the explosion and Vaughn unconscious and in a tree. Suddenly, the Handsome Jack AI appears in front of him, crouching down. Rhys sits up.
Jack: Hey, buddy, how’s the head?
Rhys: Uhh… Where am I?
Rhys: Hunh? What is going on?
Rhys: Ohh, why does my face hurt?
Jack: Hey, buddy! Yeah, sorry I had to take over your body, I was just, uh… just tryin’ to keep ya outta harm’s way. Y-you all right?
Rhys: I don’t think so--
Jack: Good morning, dickcheese. Have any good dreams? See, I tried to think real hard about doin’ somebody who looks just like your mom, so lemme know if that bled through at all.
Suddenly, a technical drives through the rubble and parks near Rhys. Vallory is seen walking on top of the hill of debris with her rocket launcher, along with August and two other bandits. Jack stands up and turns to her.
Vallory: Hey, kid. Remember me? (to the bandits) Grab him.
August and the two bandits rush over to Rhys. The bandits grab Rhys by his arms and hold him up. Vallory walks up to him.
Vallory: So. Where’s Gortys? Now, you all have a habit of making me ask twice. I’d knock that off if I were you.
Rhys: I don’t know what I’m supposed to be more scared of -- the oversized piece of crap that belches fire, or the rocket launcher she’s holding. Hahaha--
The bandits let go of Rhys and one of them punches him in the stomach.
Rhys: Uhnghh!
They pick him up.
Vallory will remember that.
Rhys: Oh, piss off. If it weren’t for these jerkbags, I’d-- I would yank that rocket launcher off your shoulder and just… smack you with it.
Vallory will remember that.
Vallory: Sounds fun. Let him go.
The bandits let go of him.
Rhys: Uh, what--
Vallory punches Rhys in the stomach.
Rhys: Unghnhh!
Rhys: Waitwaitwaitwait! (laughs) There’s a… There’s a perfectly good explanation for, for this. We… got lost, and, and, then, we…
Vallory: Ugh. You’re just embarrassing yourself.
The bandits let go of Rhys. Vallory punches him in the stomach. He groans as the bandits pick him back up.
Vallory: Is that my Gortys stuck in that Loader Bot? August!
August: (rudely) I got it. (starts walking over)
Vallory: Are you sassing me, son?
August: (stops) You said get it, and I said I got it. How’s that sassing?
Two bandits walk over to Loader Bot.
Vallory: It was your tone.
Rhys: (quietly) Vaughn...? (looks to Vaughn)
August: My tone is of a person sick of chasing these assholes, but like I said, I got it. (walks over to Loader Bot)
The bandits begin to try and rip Loader Bot off of Gortys.
Loader Bot: This is an outrage. Let me speak to your manager.
Jack: Welp, this looks bad. (crouches) I’m just gonna go ahead and hang out in the back of your brain, in case it somehow doesn’t get the crap killed out of it. Peace! (waves and disappears)
The bandits, one of which using a crowbar, rip Loader Bot’s legs off completely.
Loader Bot: I am become pain.
Vaughn: (offscreen) Rrraaaargh! (drops on Vallory’s back and grabs her neck)
Vallory: Ugh! What in the-- Dammit! Get.. whatever this is… off me!
Rhys punches both bandits in the groin.
Bandit: Ohh! (covers groin)
They both fall to the ground. Rhys stands up.
Vaughn: NRNNGH!
Vallory: Get offa me, you little psycho!
Gortys breaks free from Loader Bot’s grasp.
Gortys: I’m free! What are we doing? (looks around)
Rhys: RUUUN!
Gortys: Okeydokey! (moves away quickly)
August gets into his vehicle.
Vallory: Oof! What do you think you’re doing?!
Vaughn: Gyahhhh! I don’t know!!
August drives after Gortys.
Vaughn: AHAHA! I got this, Rhys! Get Gortys!
Rhys chases after Gortys.
Jungle[]
Fiona is now the playable character. She wakes up upside down. The bola around her feet is caught in a tree, causing her to hang by her feet. She checks her pockets. Suddenly, she sees Gortys being chased by August in his vehicle, who is being chased by Rhys on foot.
Gortys: Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Fiona: Hey, Rhys! Over here!
Finch and Kroger suddenly walk over to her from behind.
Finch: Hehehehehe.
Kroger: Oh your friends can’t hear you, girl.
Fiona: (checks pockets) Oh no, wait. Where’s the--
Kroger: Oh… (scoffs) ...you lookin’ for this?
Finch holds up the Energy Chassis.
Finch: Guess you musta misplaced it.
Kroger: Now, I don’t know what this thing is, but you obviously want it. And that kinda makes me obviously want it. You know what I’m sayin’?
Finch and Kroger: Huhuhuh… Uhuh ahahaa eheheh…
Finch: (tauntingly) Oh, you don’t like that? If only you weren’t tied up. Maybe you could do somethin’ about it.
Kroger: Mm, that’s a damn shame.
Fiona tries to pull out her sleeve pistol, but it is gone.
Kroger: Mm, too bad. I wanted to see the look on your face… when nothin’ came out. (laughs)
Finch holds up her pistol and wags it tauntingly.
Finch: Ain’t nobody pullin’ that crap on me again.
Fiona: You know… maybe you two are smarter than I thought. Couple strapping lads like you have a great future in the Vault Hunting business. Tell me, uh, what’s Vallory paying you?
Kroger: Hey! Don’t be trying that con-lady bullshit on us, you understand?
Finch: Here’s a tip: if you wanna trick somebody into trusting you, maybe don’t shoot ‘em first.
Fiona: So when you took it from me, you musta realized that derringer is a remote-activated grenade, right? Got a transmitter implanted in my tooth.
Finch: What?! (drops it)
The pistol goes off and fires.
Kroger: Whoah!!
Fiona: Ha!
Fiona: I’m glad you feel so smart. I really really do. It’s gonna make you feel that much worse when I get free again.
Kroger: Aw. Little Miss, uh, Yappity-Yap got nothing to say for herself? Hmph. Now that’s too bad, see, cause I was bankin’ on your last words being somethin’ real good.
Some bushes behind them are heard rustling.
Kroger: What the…? Man, what is that? (walks over to the bush)
Finch: You see somethin’?
Kroger: Will you gimme a second, dude? Damn.
Finch turns around. Fiona focuses on her pistol in his hand.
Finch: Hurry up, man! Oh man, just blast the bush and be done with it. I don’t wanna get ambushed.
Kroger: I’m the one that’d get ambushed, man! What’s your problem?
Fiona starts swinging back and forth. She does this until she grabs her pistol out of Finch’s hand.
Finch: (turns around) What the--
Fiona holds up the gun.
Finch: Urrgh! Ehyeyeye, uhuhuh!
Finch: What the fuck?! (falls down)
Finch: Urrgh! Ehyeyeye, uhuhuh!
Finch: What the fuck?! (falls down)
Finch: Urrgh! Ehyeyeye, uhuhuh!
Finch: What the fuck?! (falls down)
Kroger turns around with his knife and sees this. Suddenly, Sasha runs up to him and punches him in the back of the head. She kicks Fiona’s pistol to her and runs over and begins to untie her.
Sasha: Nice shot, by the way.
Fiona: Yeah, well, I’ve been practicing! Now get me outta here!
Kroger: Ughrrargh! Rryyah!
Fiona and Sasha: Oh shit.
Finch: (sits up) Unnnh…
Kroger runs at the girls.
Sasha: Sorry, Fi. (pushes her away)
Finch stands back up and Kroger is about to attack Sasha. Fiona swings back around and punches Finch to the ground.
Finch: Oof!
Fiona swings past Kroger as he strikes at Sasha with his knife but. Sasha ducks to the ground.
Kroger: Come on!
Fiona swings toward Kroger and punches him down as well. Sasha stands back up and smiles at her. Fiona swings to Finch and he begins to strangle her.
Finch: Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about!
Sasha jumps on Kroger and runs over to Finch.
Finch: Think you’re so damn tough!
Sasha tackles him to the ground. Fiona swings over Kroger on the ground and grabs his crossbow. Kroger gets up with his knife and turns to Fiona. She swings at him and they lock their weapons together. They struggle against each other.
Kroger: Come on! Nngnn! Hngh… Come! On!
Finch is holding up Sasha and struggling with her.
Finch: Just die already!
Sasha kicks Kroger, as well as Fiona, away. Finch and Sasha continue fighting.
Fiona: Damn it! (shoots Kroger with the crossbow)
The crossbow fires a bola at him. It swings around him and hits him in the head, knocking him out. Fiona drops the crossbow and swings back and forth over him before grabbing his knife on the ground. Finch is seen holding Sasha in a choke hold.
Sasha: Help. Help would be good!
Fiona leans up and uses the knife to try cutting herself free.
Fiona: Just gimme… a- (swings toward Sasha and Finch)
She finally cuts herself free, landing on Finch and knocking him out. He drops the Energy Chassis and lets go of Sasha.
Sasha: Hahh… Well. That was horrible.
Fiona: I am so nauseous right now.
Sasha picks up the Energy Chassis and Fiona sits up.
Athena: Face me!
Fiona: Athena?
Sasha: Sounds like she’s in trouble.
A mechanical sound can be heard. Fiona stands up as Loader Bot rushes over to him, walking on his hands.
Loader Bot: Greetings! Have you seen Gortys?
Fiona: They went that way. (points behind her)
Loader Bot: My thanks is eternal.
Sasha: Wait, Loader Bot, hold up! (sits on top of it)
Fiona: Where are you going?
Sasha: (scoffs) Well, we need to get Gortys back. You help out Athena, I’ll go drag Rhys’s ass out of the fire. Again. You gonna be ok?
Fiona: Not in the slightest. But I’d rather die with a plan, wouldn’t you?
Sasha: (puts on goggles) Sounds good to me. You have fun out there.
Fiona: Just be careful, Sash.
Sasha: (puts on goggles) Nah. (laughs) Have fun out there.
Fiona: Yeah. You give ‘em hell.
Sasha: (puts on goggles) Pff. “Give ‘em hell?” That’s, that’s what you’re going with?
Fiona: Just don’t die, and try to kill a lot of people.
Sasha: (puts on goggles) Just have fun out there.
Loader Bot and Sasha run away to get Gortys. Fiona picks up her pistol off the ground. If her costume has a hat, she picks it off the ground and puts it back on.
Brick: Rrrraghyyahh!
Fiona runs in the direction of the scream.
Athena: Nnrgh!
Car Chase[]
Gortys zooms forward while being chased by August in his vehicle. Rhys is now the playable character. He tries running after them but stops to catch his breath.
Rhys: Hahh, hahh, hahh… Dammit…
Loader Bot runs up behind him and Rhys lands on top of it and next to Sasha.
Rhys: Woah! What? How?
Loader Bot: It’s us. (runs faster)
As Gortys and August continue quickly, Loader Bot jumps over a tree root in front of them. Rhys screams in panic but stays on.
Sasha: And he sticks the landing!
Rhys: Ok, that was pretty impressive.
Sasha: Don’t get used to it! There’s only one reason I’d save your sorry ass, and it’s on that truck.
Rhys: Sasha, listen, about before, I--
The chase continues as Loader Bot gets closer to August’s truck. Sasha pulls out the Energy Chassis.
Sasha: Keep it safe. Here. Gortys’ll need it. I’ll take care of this.
Rhys: (takes energy chassis) Uh, but what if Finch and Kroger catch you without the piece? (pockets it)
Sasha: They won’t!
Rhys: Right. But, but if they do--
Rhys: (takes energy chassis) Keep the Gortys piece from Finch and Kroger. Got it. (pockets it)
Rhys: No, no no! Uh-uh. I don’t want to give Vallory’s goons any more of a reason to hate me!
Sasha: Ugh, you are such a baby! Just take it already!
Sasha: Here! Take it!
Sasha stands on Loader Bot.
Rhys: Wait, what are you gonna do?
Sasha: I’m gonna stop the truck!
Rhys: How?!
Sasha: I dunno, just cover me!
Rhys: With what?!
Sasha: You’ll figure it out! (jumps onto the back of the truck)
Bandit: Hey-- (gets thrown off by Sasha) --hrruraaah!!
The machine gunner turns toward Rhys and Loader Bot and starts shooting.
Rhys: That’s a bad thing! Crap!
Loader Bot dodges to the right.
Rhys: Loader Bot, we gotta get rid of that gunner! Get me in close! (pulls out stun baton)
Loader Bot: Anything for you, madam.
Rhys: Charge!
Loader Bot jumps toward the machine gunner. The latter turns toward them.
Rhys: Nevermind-- other way, other way!
Loader Bot drops down and shifts slowly to the left while running. Rhys ducks while the gunner hits Loader Bot several times. Rhys looks at the exhaust pipe on the truck and a bandit on the front of the truck reaching for Gortys.
Gortys: Help me!
Loader Bot and Rhys head toward the side of the truck and Rhys whacks the truck’s exhaust pipe, causing the truck to veer out of control.
Loader Bot and Rhys head toward the bandit trying to get Gortys. Rhys hits her with the stun baton, sending her flying away.
Loader Bot and Rhys move behind the truck before heading up a nearby hill, still chasing the truck.
Loader Bot: The wishbone of combat is upon us. Shall I charge August, or the machine gunner?
Machine Gunner: What the--? (turns toward them)
Loader Bot jumps on top of August’s window.
August: Ah!
Loader Bot punches a hole in the window. The machine gunner aims his gun at Loader Bot. Loader Bot lifts the barrel of the machine gun above him.
Machine Gunner: Eh, ah, ah… Ah, ha, eh, nnn!
Loader Bot and Rhys jump on top of the truck and in front of the machine gunner.
Loader Bot: Someone is a rude Gus. (lifts up machine gunner)
Rhys holds up his stun baton like a bat and prepares to strike the gunner.
Loader Bot: Welcome to the T-ball world championships.
Rhys whacks the machine gunner off the truck.
Sasha is seen punching a bandit off the back of the truck.
Rhys gives her a hand and helps her up to the top.
Sasha climbs up to the top of the truck as Rhys puts his stun baton away.
August: You’re scratching up the hood!
The window flies off and Loader Bot falls onto the front of the truck.
August: And now you owe me a window!
He starts driving the car out of control purposely to try and shake them off.
Rhys: Arraughh, ah ha ha haa! Arghhhh! (falls over)
Sasha: Whooaaaa! (falls and hangs onto the machine gun)
Rhys: Sasha!
A bandit is seen trying to climb back up.
Rhys: Hold on to something! (kicks machine gun)
It swings around and Sasha kicks the bandit off the truck.
August: All right. Enough of this shit. (puts foot fully on the gas)
The truck goes even faster and closer to Gortys.
Rhys: Loader Bot!
Loader Bot: Affirmative?
Rhys: Loader Bot! Help!
Rhys: Save yourself, Loader Bot!
Rhys: Don’t worry about me, just kill August!
Rhys and Sasha look at each other.
Loader Bot shoves his arm to the ground in front of the truck to slow it down. The sudden impact sends Rhys flying into the air.
Rhys: Whoaa arghhhhh!
He lands on the front of the truck. The Energy Chassis falls out of his hand. August pulls out his gun and points it at Rhys. Rhys rolls to the left briefly to dodge it before rolling back.
August: Ah hah! Are you serious? What’re you gonna roll out of the way of a bullet? I just have to move my arm slightly and oop, I’m aiming at your face again.
Sasha: (lands next to him) You are such an asshole, August! (kicks gun out of August’s hand and picks up the Energy Chassis)
August tries to grab it from her and they both struggle to take it from each other.
August: We never officially broke up you know.
Sasha: Yes we did!
August: No. Not officially.
Sasha: Well then I officially-
August: Which is why I’m officially breaking up with you now!
Sasha: Oh my god, you are out of your mind!
August: It’s funny you say that cause I was just thinking, “Man, I must seem pretty nuts right now.”
Rhys: I’m going after Gortys!
Rhys: Nice moves, Sash!
Rhys: Keep him busy. I’m going for Gortys!
Sasha: What are you waiting for? Get Gortys!
Rhys: Gortys! (turns to Gortys)
Gortys: Help me! Someone? Anyone? Loader Bot?
Rhys starts climbing down Loader Bot’s arm to reach Gortys. He grabs Gortys. She turns around to see him.
Gortys: Rhys? (sees Energy Chassis)
Her eyes turn yellow as she processes the piece for the upgrade. August snatches the chassis from Sasha.
August: Finally… all this nonsense for a piece of--
The piece begins to pull away from him..
August: Aaaaargh! (lets go)
Gortys floats in the air as the Energy Chassis attaches to her. She upgrades into her new form, to Rhys’s surprise.
Jungle[]
Fiona is now the playable character. She rushes over and sees Athena. Brick is running straight at her for an attack.
Brick: This ain’t personal, Athena!
BRICK The Berserk Merc
Athena: It never is! (dodges Brick and tosses shield at him)
Brick is sent backwards quite a bit. Athena jumps in the air and catches her shield as she prepares to attack. Brick blocks her kick and pushes her back. He tries to punch her. Fiona watches all of this from behind a tree and rushes behind another one. Athena slices at Brick with her sword towards another killer plant.
Brick: I don’t wanna kill you, girl!
Athena: That is not a risk! Turn away and I’ll let you live!
Brick: Man, you got mean!
Fiona shoots the bulbs on the killer plant with the appropriate bullets. Brick prepares to punch Athena but the killer plant attacks Brick and bites his arm, holding him back.
Fiona: Athena! (rushes over to her)
Suddenly, a bullet is fired at Athena and she blocks it with her shield.
Athena: Sniper! Get down!
Fiona ducks behind the foliage.
Athena: Get into cover and find his position! NOW!
Fiona moves forward toward through the foliage until she is near the sniper, Mordecai, who is firing at Athena.
MORDECAI Boom. Headshot.
Mordecai turns and sees Fiona hiding, aiming his sniper rifle at her. Fiona jumps up and dodges the bullet, pulling out her pistol.
Fiona shoots at the nearby jellyfish. They turn red and grow hostile as they begin to attack Mordecai. He tries swatting at them before jumping down from the tree to escape them.
Fiona shoots Mordecai with a shock bullet. He jitters a bit from the shock before jumping down from the tree.
Fiona gets up and runs out into the open, seeing Athena and Brick still fighting. She suddenly hears a gun cocking and turns to see Mordecai holding a pistol at her.
Mordecai: I don’t know you, but you really oughta run.
Fiona begins backing up while Mordecai follows her.
Mordecai: This is Vault Hunter business. Ain’t no reason for you to get caught in the crossfire. (laughs) ‘Less you’re holding a lot of sweet loot, that is.
Fiona: Nobody shoots at my friends, asshole!
Fiona: I am a Vault Hunter.
Fiona: Who the hell are you?
Mordecai: Look, just stay out of my way.
Fiona and Athena back up until they are next to each other. Brick points and laughs at them as he pulls the killer plant out of the ground with his bare arm
Brick: Rrraaahhhhh!!! (swings at the girls)
Fiona and Athena dive for cover. Fiona stands up and rushes over to Athena. Brick removes the plant from his arm and Mordecai aims his gun at them.
Athena: (sarcasm) Oh, this is gonna be fun.
Car Chase[]
Rhys is now the playable character. Gortys lands back on the ground, now with thick legs, and continues running away.
August: What the hell?
Loader Bot: Nice gams.
Gortys: Thanks! So, people are still trying to kill us. What do we do… other than get killed. I assume that option is off the table.
Rhys: Help us! Okay, can your new leg-thingies just… get us outta this somehow?
Rhys: Just keep running! You gotta get outta here!
Rhys: Gortys! Where is the Vault?
Loader Bot: Are these the legs that launched a thousand robots? Yes. They are.
Suddenly, a rocket is shot near Gortys. It is shown that three bandits, one of which has a rocket launcher, and two bandit technicals are in their way.
August: Looks like the cavalry’s here, asswipes!
Rhys: Time to go!
Loader Bot climbs back up. Rhys gets on top of him. Sasha tries to join them but August grabs her hand.
August: Oh no you don’t!
Sasha kicks him in the face and breaks free.
August: Ahh!
Sasha crawls on the front and joins Rhys on top of Loader Bot.
Rhys: Later, jackass! Ha ha!
August: Enjoy the flight, shitbag! (brakes)
Rhys, Sasha, and Loader Bot fly forward from the sudden stop. Thankfully, they all land on top of Gortys, who continues to run away.
Gortys: Phew!
August: You got lucky!
Rhys: Actually, we are not that much safer right now!
Loader Bot: This is the greatest moment of my li--
Another rocket is launched near them. The rocket launcher bandit then fires another one.
Sasha: That one was too close!
Rhys: I know, I know! I got an idea! (pulls up cybernetic arm)
Loader Bot grabs a nearby log. Rhys is now seeing from Loader Bot’s perspective as another rocket heads toward them.
Gortys: Incomiiiiing!
Loader Bot whacks the rocket away with the log. Another rocket is launched.
Sasha: Here comes another one!
Loader Bot whacks this one as well. As they get closer, Rhys notices the tree branch above the bandits.
Rhys: Everybody hang on!
Loader Bot grabs the branch and it, Rhys and Sasha swing over the bandits and land back on top of Gortys. August stops and swerves before he hits the bandits.
August: Shit!
Sasha: Hahaha, YES!
Rhys: Yeah, that’s how you do it!
Suddenly, two tripwires are thrown in front of them.
Sasha: Look out!
Loader Bot: Oh, hell.
Gortys trips over the wire, sending everyone flying off of her. At the same time, Athena tosses her shield around a tree, while Brick prepares to attack Fiona. Ultimately, Rhys and the others land on the ground, while Brick grabs Fiona and swings her by her leg through the glass of the bio dome. Fiona is now the playable character. Mordecai walks out of the bio dome and starts shooting rapidly at her. Fiona rolls to avoid the gunfire.
Mordecai: Hey, nothing personal, lady. I promise.
Athena jumps down in front of Fiona and blocks a shot with her shield.
Fiona: (stands back up) That was close!
Athena: Oh no. This is gonna be bad.
Brick starts charging out of the bio dome toward them.
Brick: Here comes the pain train! WOO WOOO!
Mordecai continues firing at Athena. Fiona sees an icicle on the ground and runs past Athena to grab it. She runs at Brick and stabs him in either his left hand or his right shoulder. Athena tosses her shield at Mordecai and hits him in the stomach.
Mordecai: Gaah!
Brick grabs Fiona from behind as she struggles to escape.
Brick: Who the hell are you?!
Fiona: Nnghh!
Fiona pulls out her pistol and shoots Brick in the foot, making him let her go.
Brick: Gaaahhh!!! You shot me in my pinkie toe! Come here!
Fiona tries to run but Brick punches her in the face, knocking her out. She wakes up with a bruise on her face and sits up. She sees Vallory with her rocket launcher walking out of the bio dome. She aims her rocket launcher at Athena. Fiona stands up. Vallory then aims her rocket launcher at Fiona, firing all three rockets.
Athena: Fiona! (throws shield to Fiona)
Fiona catches the shield and blocks the rockets. The impact pushes her into a tree. Vallory then aims her rocket launcher back at Athena.
Vallory: I never thought of you as the caring type, Athena.
Fiona throws the shield to Athena as Vallory fires all three rockets at her. Unfortunately, the shield does not make it to her in time, and the rockets hit her, knocking her back and incapacitating her.
Fiona: I’m sorry...
Athena: Athena! Move!
Fiona shakes her head. Suddenly, Vallory fires three rockets at Athena, knocking her back and incapacitating her. Fiona drops her shield.
Fiona: NO! (turns to Athena)
Brick is seen rushing over to her. Fiona is saddened before getting incredibly angry by this.
Fiona: Eeaargh. Ereaaaaaaaaah! (runs at Vallory)
Fiona jumps off a mound and pulls out her pistol. She is about to shoot Vallory when Vallory throws her rocket launcher at Fiona, pinning her to the ground.
Fiona: Urrh! Eaaargh! (tries to push it off futilely) You asshole! Get off!
Vallory walks up to her.
Fiona: You need us. Gortys is imprinted to us. It’ll never work with you.
Fiona: Don’t hurt her… please.
Fiona: I’m gonna kill you! You hear me?
Fiona says nothing.
Vallory walks past Fiona. Out of the bio dome, Rhys and Sasha have their hands tied behind their backs while August tags behind holding his hurt arm.
Rhys: Wait, wh-- wh-- where’s Vaughn?
Sasha: I… I don’t know.
Rhys: Vaughn? VAUGHN!!
Vallory: When you have to get rid of a Vault Hunter, just bring in two Vault Hunters.
She, Brick, and Mordecai walk over, with Brick dragging an unconscious Athena by her legs.
Vallory: You boys got everything?
Brick: Yes ma’am.
Mordecai: Hahhh. Lilith’ll be real happy to see this wretched piece of assassin trash hauled in.
Vallory: You needed Athena as much as I needed her out of my hair. I’m glad we were able to help each other out. Do you feel that, Athena? Now it’s over. (walks away)
Brick and Mordecai turn around and leave together.
Brick: That is one scary lady.
Mordecai: Quiet amigo! You want her to hear you?
They leave as Fiona watches Athena get dragged away. Vallory walks over to Gortys and Loader Bot.
Vallory: (to Gortys) So. Where’s the last piece, little one? We have a Vault to summon.
Loader Bot: Leave her alone.
Vallory: Tell me where it is, before more of your little friends get hurt. Starting with this hunk of scrap right here. (pulls out knife)
Gortys: Okay… okay… (puts hands up) It… it’s there. (points to Helios in the sky) On Helios.