Forum:Borderlands JOKES

Post your Borderlands jokes here it can be just about everything it just need to contain some stuff from borderlands

I will start: Why do'es Jacobs don't make any grenades? BECAUSE YOU CAN'T MAKE GRENADES OUT OF WOOD

Good luck and happy joking -Casperk WAS HERE 16:10, December 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * jokes are meant to be funny. try harder next time--Jaguarman134 17:14, December 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * Also, it IS possible to make grenades from wood. Mr.75  http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/fallout11ty/images/5/51/Banhammer.gif 17:41, December 15, 2009 (UTC)

So you gotta wonder, how many girls did Mordecai go through before he got his Bloodwings? Gebraheel 18:30, December 15, 2009 (UTC)

So, if he's called Brick, when he's scared, what does he shit? Mr.75 http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/fallout11ty/images/5/51/Banhammer.gif 19:06, December 15, 2009 (UTC)

-Himself. 17:40, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

why did the claptrap cross the road? to get to the other side--Jaguarman134 17:31, December 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * "jokes are meant to be funny. try harder next time" Nagamarky 19:31, December 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * O chicken jokes are funny--Jaguarman134 19:35, December 15, 2009 (UTC)

How many Sirens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Nobne, they can pass through an alternate dimension, who needs lightbulbs? 74.208.16.106 21:36, December 15, 2009 (UTC)

Roland: This shotgun sucks!

Brick: Why you say dat?

Roland: It's terrible!

How many Bricks does it take to change a light bulb?

Trick question! You need opposable thumbs to change a light bulb.

Q:How many skags would Brick eat if Brick could eat skags?

A:All of them.

Brick, Lilith, and Mordecai all ask for the soup at the local dinner. In each bowl is a fly.

Lilith uses her Amazing Powers to lift the fly into the air and incinerate it.

Mordecai, with a calculated flick, launches his fly into the exact center of Brick's bowl.

Brick picks up the bowl, slurps down its contents, then eats the bowl.

Q:How can you tell when Roland likes a bandit?

A:He shoots them in the head.

Q:How can you tell when Roland hates a bandit?

A:He shoots them in the head.

Q:Whats the difference between Brick and Skagzilla?

A: One is a hideous monster that feasts on the flesh of its prey, the other is just a big skag.

Q: What's the last thing to go through bandits' minds when they meet Brick?

A: Brick's fist.

--I love the smell of NapalmEnima in the morning! 22:01, December 15, 2009 (UTC)

It's funny, because even though after reading the first one, I could almost predict what was comming next I still got a good chuckle. Good show napalm, good show. Gebraheel 03:59, December 16, 2009 (UTC)

Most of those are pretty good, good work McNibbles 09:30, March 22, 2010 (UTC)

Brick, Lilith, and Marcus each have a useless weapon.

Lilith, knowing the weapon is useless, easily obliterates it with her powers.

Marcus takes the weapons, spit-shines it, and sells it for five times it's actual worth.

Brick crushes the weapon then eats it, he hadn't gotten his daily value of iron yet.

ZylotheWolfbane 06:45, March 22, 2010 (UTC)

... No, just no, guys. Please no more "attempts" at jokes. - K1ng 07:01, March 22, 2010 (UTC)

Yea...There is only one joke on this entire page that I thought was funny.

"Roland: This shotgun sucks! Brick: Why you say dat? Roland: It's terrible!"

Props, NapalmEnima. Thanks. CrapStomper 21:54, March 22, 2010 (UTC)

Why cant lilith drive a Car? Because she's a woman.


 * Why was this joke not funny? Cuz he's an idiot. LoZ4Ever 22:37, March 22, 2010 (UTC)

Brick has never fired a bullet ever. The bullets shoot out of his gun to get away from him.

America invaded Iraq looking for WMDs. Turns out Mordecai just left his Bessie there.

Lilith will become Moxxi's 4th spouse.

You didn't shoot Crawmerax's claw off. Roland ran up to Craw, ripped off his claw, and ran back. You missed. -- SanguisDiabolus 02:26, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Mordecai: Wait up, I have to reload.

Roland: You have to what? Freed23 02:52, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

@Freed23-

LOL! I would be lying if I didnt say thats the first thiong I did reading that. Lone-Wanderer 03:24, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Agreed, nice one, Freed23

Mordecai: I don't get it, my new mod says I should be getting loads of ammo from these skag piles.

Roland: Those aren't skag piles, Brick just ate a burrito.

Mordecai: Then why is there a small child in here?

128.101.53.151 04:32, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

I think all y'all are being a lil stiff. I'm laughin at a lot of the jokes on here. Hellz Lips 04:35, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Ya, I agree with Hellz. That terrible shotgun joke was great! Tellegro 04:54, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Some are sweet but brick and skagzilla are my fav, too bad my humor emitter must rechargeDemonique 11:11, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Freed23 Keep going please :) TreeJs 12:41, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Okay, let me try some double entendre jokes...

Lilith and Mordecai just killed a bandit patrol, Lilith found a weapons chest, but the lock was damaged and she is having trouble getting it open. She comes out from behind a rock (where the chest is).

Lilith: Hey Mordecai!

Mordecai: Yeah, what do you need?

Lilith: Can you help me with my Chest?

Mordecai (with a smile on his face and stifling laughing): ... Bow Chicka Bow Wow :)

Lilith: ...

And another,

Mordecai is driving a runner, and sees another runner that was destroyed. Beside it is Lilith. Mordecai drives up to her.

Mordecai: Looks like your runner was just made sweet love to by Brick.

Lilith: Yeah, Could you give me a ride?

Mordecai (with a smile on his face and stifling laughing): ... Bow Chicka Bow Wow :)

Lilith: ...

Lilith (now irritated): DAMMIT MORDECAI, WILL YOU STOP THAT!

thats all for now. Lone-Wanderer 15:36, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

....Really?....Really??...Bow Chicka Bow Wow...what the hell does that even mean? Where did that phrase come from? It makes me insane...I HATE IT. I FREAKIN HATE IT. But ya, id definitly help Lillith with her chest and giving her a ride...on my Lancer of course...she's not into runners...too fast...ya know? CrapStomper 16:55, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Well, I got the Bow Chicka Bow Wow from RvB. As for where the actual phrase comes from, its suppose to be the basic tune to all 1970 porno soundtracks. Which also answers why its always used with sexual innuendo. Thank god for Wikipedia... Lone-Wanderer 17:00, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Ah, thanks for the clarification. I never did watch much 70's porn. The phrase just bothers me. I dont know why. It just does. Makes me want to pick my brains out. CrapStomper 17:25, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Yeah, original jokes tend not to be humorous unless they were done by a professional, with years of experience. Also: unrelated, but my favorite joke of all time.
 * Why was Helen Keller such a bad driver?
 * She was a woman.

I just saw someone substituted "Lilith" for "Helen Keller". It's better with Helen Keller. 17:40, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Name that movie-

Roland: *looks at Destroyer* I've seen this movie before, the black guy dies first!

I took all the wrong messages away from Fight Club...Rampant Anarchist 17:55, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Why did Roland quit the Crimson Lance?

Because having a job caused him to lose his welfare check.GT: ConceitedJarrad XBOX360 19:04, March 23, 2010 (UTC) 18:10, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

What is Mordecai's favorite condiment?

Weaksauce. GT: ConceitedJarrad XBOX360 19:04, March 23, 2010 (UTC) 18:12, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

What do you call a Siren from South Carolina that can phasewalk away from all of her brothers?

A virgin.GT: ConceitedJarrad XBOX360 19:04, March 23, 2010 (UTC)18:13, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Q:"What never shuts up but is impossible to find?"

A: Claptrap CrapStomper 18:24, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

This is all in good humor but I do not want to be associated with any racism. Jarrad, take that shit off here, ya bigot. And i before e except after c. Hellz Lips 18:49, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Explain the racism please. I am not seeing it.GT: ConceitedJarrad XBOX360 19:04, March 23, 2010 (UTC)18:53, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Your joke about Roland suggests that its stereotypical of African Americans to be on welfare...and ya... i before e except after c....lol. CrapStomper 18:57, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Roland is the only vault hunter with any reported job history. The joke would not work with the others. Perhaps the racist is the person who assumes a welfare joke must have to do with race. Intersting, no one complained about the South Carolinian incestual redneck joke.GT: ConceitedJarrad XBOX360 19:03, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Hellz would probably be refering to

" Why did Roland quit the Crimson Lance?

Because having a job caused him to lose his welfare check." It falls into the Stero-type class. I am the Keeper of Useless Knowledge ~ Proven Mayhem 19:06, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Lillith's gun of choice when on the rag. Hyperion Bitch. CrapStomper 19:07, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

That's sexist. Take that outta here. GT: ConceitedJarrad XBOX360 19:08, March 23, 2010 (UTC)