Fake Geek Guy/Transcript

(The Vault Hunters approach a Mr. Torgue confined within a pillory)

Mr. Torgue: ALRIGHT! I GOT A SWEET-ASS QUEST FOR YOU. FIRST...

Lilith: Torgue, why are you even playing? We all know you aren't actually interested in nerdy stuff, muscle boy.

Mr. Torgue: WHAT!? I CAN'T LIKE GEEK STUFF JUST 'CAUSE I TAKE CARE OF MY BODY?! DISCRIMINATIOOOOOOON!

Lilith: Can we get rid of this phony already?

Tiny Tina: Ladies. Ladies! I have an idea. Adventurers -- you must find the three hidden questions of true geekiness. Torgue, if you can answer my nerdy questions three, then a part of this game you shall be.

(After defeating a group of skeletons guarding the scroll)

Tiny Tina: You have found the first geeky question. Mister Torgue: in the ECHO show "Space Journey in Space", what color shirt denoted that a crew member was likely to be eaten by a thraaag?

Mr. Torgue: RED! DUH!

Tiny Tina: Correct! Onto the next question, adventures!

Mr. Torgue: WHY ARE YOU TESTING ME ON THIS STUFF AGAIN?

Lilith: Because you're a muscly guy. We gotta make sure you're not faking geekhood just 'cause it's trendy.

(The second scroll is found. However, a Flamerock citizen nabs it)

Mr. Torgue: HE'S GETTING AWAY! GET HIM!

Mr. Torgue: GET HIM! PUNCH HIM! WOOOOOOOHOOHOO!

(The thief is subdued and surrenders the scroll in fear.)

Tiny Tina: Question two! In the ECHObook series "King of Jewelry", the rightful king needed to reforge his broken...blank.

Mr. Torgue: SWORD!

Tiny Tina: Correct! Onto the final question!

Mr. Torgue: MAN, YOU GUYS ARE BEING SUPER EXCLUSIONARY!

Lilith: Look. When I was a kid, boys mocked me for two reasons: my tattoos, and Bunkers & Badasses. I suffered for my geekiness. You don't get to invade my culture just because it's "cool" right now.

Mr. Torgue: HOLY SKAGSUCK! REPRESSED ANGER MUCH?!

(The final scroll is retrieved from a skeleton within a birdcage gibbet)

Tiny Tina: Last question! In the 23rd episode of the 15th season of "Blue Box Adventures", what is the name of the ship that abducts the blue box?

Mr. Torgue: I DON'T, UH...I DON'T KNOW!

Lilith: Ooh, bad luck, Torgue. Looks like you're not a real geek after all.

Mr. Torgue: (sobbing) WHYY-HY-HY! I'M JUST INTERESTED IN SCI-FI AND FANTASY AND UNICORSN AND S**T! WHY CAN'T I BE PART OF YOUR GAME?!

Lilith: Oh. Wow. I, uh...kinda feel like a dick.

Tiny Tina: Me too.

Lilith: Torgue? I, uh -- I'm sorry. You can totally join our game. You can give out sidequests in town, or something.

Mr. Torgue: (sniffle) ALRIIIIGHT!

(TURN IN)

Mr. Torgue: YOU GUYS SURE ARE THE BEST, OR MY MOMMA DIDN'T NAME ME MISTER TORGUE!

Lilith: Wait, your first name is "Mister Torgue"? What's your last name?

Mr. Torgue: FLEXINGTON!