Tales from Elpis/Transcript

(Accept mission)

Springs: Hey. I got bored one day and started writing children's books, buuut I lost 'em. Can you find 'em for me? You could totes give me some feedback, too.

(Pick up first ECHO)

Springs (on ECHO): Once upon a time there was this moon. Then some military dudes came and started mining. They delved all deep and greedy and... crap. Moon cracked open. People died. No one lived happily ever after. Fin.

Springs: Whaddya think?

Athena (if present): Not enough plot.

Wilhelm (if present): Not enough pictures.

Nisha (if present): Not enough gory details.

Claptrap (if present): Not enough action.

Jack2 (if present): It was... nice.

Aurelia (if present): Oh -- you were serious. That's... uh, you wrote that. Oh. Well. Goodness.

Springs: I'll take it under advisement. I think there might be another one in my old camp. It got overrun by kraggons, killed my...

Springs: ... They killed her.

(Pick up second ECHO)

Springs (on ECHO): There once was a kraggon named Flamey

Springs (on ECHO): Who jumped out of the crack and bit Janey

Springs (on ECHO): She blew off its face

Springs (on ECHO): Now there's no trace

Springs (on ECHO): Of the kraggon who dared such cockamamie.

Springs: Well?

Athena (if present): Dark, yet satisfying rhyme scheme.

Wilhelm (if present): Pretty cool.

Nisha (if present): Why didn't you tell me you enjoyed killing thins so much? We could be besties.

Claptrap (if present): I didn't know the Crackening created kraggons. Also you scare me.

Jack2 (if present): Not -- not bad, as far as limmericks about death go.

Aurelia (if present): Let's call that a... slight improvement? Let's say that, perhaps?

Springs: Fair 'nuff. Good feedback. Oh, that reminds me though -- Flamey's son owes me a life, and he's still out there! Track him down and get it for me, yeah?

(Approach Son of Flamey)

Springs: That scrotesack got BIG! Kill it!

(Kill Son of Flamey)

Springs: Ahhhhh. Vengeance. Look, he must have eaten the last book I wrote!

(Pick up third ECHO)

Springs (on ECHO): This one is called, "Baby Kraggon Goes On An Adventure". Baby Kraggon crawled out of the crack with his mum, Flamey. They saw strange two-legged creatures and thought, "They must be food!" So Baby Kraggon and his mum raided the camp. Flamey tore a two-legger up pretty bad, and Baby Kraggon killed another one. Then Baby Kraggon ran away like a little b***h, stupid piece of s**t.

Springs: That one must be corrupted or something, I dunno. Bring those back while I write another one about how you killed an evil fire monster.

Athena (if present): Please, do not.

Wilhelm (if present): I'm sure it'll be a hit.

Nisha (if present): Sounds good to me.

Claptrap (if present): Ooh! Can I be a wizard?!

Jack2 (if present): Nice! Make me sound cool!

Aurelia (if present): No need, I've got a cadre of biographers in deep orbit as we speak. I appreciate the thought, though.

(Turn in)

Springs: Some publishers are interested, but only if I cut out the parts where people and baby kraggons die. I was like, "Nah."