Clan War: Wakey Wakey/Transcript

Tector Hodunk: The Zafords have gone too far! We need a killer, and we need 'em now!

(Vault Hunter goes to Hodunk trailer park and picks up the mission from Jimbo Hodunk.)

Jimbo Hodunk: (vengeful old coot gibberish)

Tector Hodunk: The Zafords burned our homes to the ground. You're gonna crash their annual wake for their dead boy Lucky. The Zafords won't let ya into the wake if yer sober, though. There's a bar in Sanctuary, run by a traitor we Hodunks don't talk about. Go there now and get wasted.

(Mission objectives update: Go to Moxxi's bar)

(Vault Hunter arrives to Moxxi's.)

(Mission objectives update: Drink lagers: 0/3)

(If the Vault Hunter doesn't have enough cash to buy a lager ...)

Moxxi: Sorry, sugar. Not enough cash.

(Vault Hunter buys and drinks a lager.)

Moxxi: Careful, sugar -- that's strong stuff.

Tector Hodunk: Keep gluggin' that booze. Zafords won't let ya into the bar unless you're so drunk that Ellie looks like she's got Moxxi's curves, heh-heh.

Jimbo Hodunk: (furious gibbering)

Tector Hodunk: Right. Sorry, paw. We don't talk about those heathens what left the clan. My mistake.

(Vault Hunter buys and drinks another lager.)

Moxxi: Wow, you really know how to throw those back.

(Vault Hunter buys and drinks third lager.)

Moxxi: Looks like you've had enough. Sorry, sugar, but I'm cutting you off.

(Mission objectives update: Gain access to Holy Spirits Bar)

Tector Hodunk: You seein' double yet? Get inside the Zaford bar before the booze wears off!

(Vault Hunter fast-travels to the Outlook and enters the Holy Spirits Bar.)

Doorman: Come on in. The wake's just startin'

Tector Hodunk: Take yer time. Find a good spot to start the shootin'. Then kill 'em all.

(Mission objectives update: Crash wake with bullets)

Preacher: We are here today to celebrate the life of Lucky Sleveen Zaford. Lucky was a good man. Kind of heart and noble of spirit, Lucky brought joy into the lives of everyone he met -- the people he killed notwithstanding. Lucky loved the drink. He loved women. He loved LIFE. And on this day, let us not dwell only on Lucky's memory, but on the lowlife sister-humpers who took him from us. The disgusting, amoral progeny of the Hodunk clan known as Scooter. Mark my words, fellow Zafords -- we shall defeat the Hodunks, and then, THEN we shall truly avenge Lucky!

(Vault Hunter attacks and kills everyone present at the wake.)

Tector Hodunk: Was Mick not there? Aghh, the frig was probably out gettin' more booze. Ah, well. Come on back.

(Mission objectives update: Return to the Hodunks)

Mick Zaford: Who crashes a WAKE?! That's IT, Hodunk! No more messin' around -- a fight to the death! Zaford versus Hodunk!

Jimbo Hodunk: (interested gibbering)

Tector Hodunk: Hm. Sounds like we're near ready to end this war.

Ellie: Oooh-OOH! They sound angry! Haul your sweet ass back to my junkyard and we'll see about endin' this war.

(Mission objectives update: Return to Ellie)

(Vult Hunter gets back to Ellie's.)

Ellie: What say we put an end to all this clan fightin'?