User blog:Irongrom/A Day Late & a Dollar Short...

So there I was, enjoying the heck outta RAGE - & it finished - not with a grand finale, just kinda fizzled out...

"Hmmm", (thinks to self) "wot to do now?" Lo & behold, I discover a game called BORDERLANDS. It picks up where Rage shoulda gone, & then some! From the opening movie & the catchy tune, I've been hooked, I dig the lighthearted but grim humour. Ok, so everyone's been playing it for eons, but I thought I'd share some first impressions as a newcomer to this fine game & its DLCs.

Claptrap - Gotta luv the little tyke "check me out, I'm dancin" - altho if he had a neck there are times I'd gleefuly strangle him just for the peace & quiet...

Skags - I do NOT recommend you smack one of these creatures with a rolled-up newspaper & say "bad dog!" - they're liable to get all medieval on ya! If you wake up & one is chewing your slipper, it's most likely your foot will still be inside...

Psychos - "Strip the flesh, salt the wound" These charming fellows do NOT want to add you to Facebook - more inclined to rip your face off...

Mutant Midget Psychos - Ya gotta tag these demented little f&%#$ right off, or they'll tear ya a new one! They've hacked the knees outta several pair of my pants since I started...

Outrunner - A strange mode of transportation with pivoting front wheels for steering - mine seems to have a homing beacon on the front that guides it into every rock, tree & bridge abuttment in the landscape...

Larva Crab Worms - I wonder two things - (1) why do they carry so much cash, do they not trust banks? & (2) they don't seem to have any pockets, where do they carry all that cash? maybe I should wash my hands after I grab the loot...

Zombies - "Bleeeeeeccchhhhh!" - Have you any idea how difficult it is to get dried zombie puke outta yer ear? That stuff gets everywhere! On the flip-side, I'm addicted to harvesting their brains with a well-aimed head shot...

Loot Goon - Sanny Claws with a hangover, just no reasoning with these dudes - nuke 'em & raid their stash...

Meat Popsicle - I noticed in a 'Places of Interest in T-Bone Junction' article there was a shrine to Lilith - what the article failed to mention was 'don't open the refrigerator' - I nearly soiled my armour when this feral gnome leaped out! After several failed attempts to dispatch him & my pockets severely emptier, I formulated a dastardly strategy - stand waaaay back on the upper staircase & pound on him with my trusy Incendiary Sniper. Only flaw in the plan was the limited (60 round) ammo supply. That nasty little troll jeered & capered thru five trips to the ammo dispensing machine before I finally wore him down! My poor bruised & tattered Bloodwing wouldn't speak to me for days...

Bloodwing - For some reason, nobody seems to like my little pet - perhaps I should try & teach him to whistle a few popular show tunes...

Omega Assassins - Call me sexist, call me deviant, just don't call me late for dinner. I was so busy admiring their pert derrieres, these feisty ladies sliced & diced me a time or two before I got up to speed...

Mad Moxxi - I find a strange & unhealthy attraction to this Lady - my kinda gal, nuff said...

Crimson Lance - just who do these guys think they are, the police of me? Ok, the vehicle I was driving when they pulled me over did look amazingly like one of theirs - I almost had them convinced it was the civilian version "see, it's painted blue" - until one of them spotted the box full of empty spray-paint cans on the back seat...

I'll have to finish this later, I hear there's 'sum kinda trubbel' down at the Hyperion Dump...

tempus edax rerum 05:24, July 3, 2012 (UTC)