Infinite Loop/Transcript

Infinite Loop

(Accept mission)

Jack: I put a request into R&D to get you some super cool experimental weaponry, but they're telling me there's a holdup with their computer system. You wanna go check it out?

(Enter Automated Weapons Production)

DAN-TRP: I will sc-c-c-c-corch the pitiable beasts with my perfection and let them kneel -- Kneel! KNEEL! -- in worship of my omnipotence!

CLAP-9000: I was thinking we could bake cookies for everyone.

DAN-TRP: The only baking will be the corpses of those burned by my heavenly laser blasts. The cookies will be made of agony and blood.

CLAP-9000: I prefer chocolate chip. But that's me.

Jack: Ahhh, figures -- looks like those two claptraps are slowin' down production. Figure out what their deal is.


 * Athena (if present): What's going on here? I need weaponry and you two are holding up production.
 * Wilhelm (if present): What's the deal? Ain't you supposed to be making weapons for us?
 * Nisha (if present): What's a girl gotta do to get some experimental weaponry around here?
 * Claptrap (if present): Hellooo, fellow claptrap units! What's the hops? I need some new weapons!
 * Jack2 (if present): Clap-things -- aren't you supposed to be makin' some guns for me?
 * Aurelia (if present): I was told you'd have some lovely weaponry ready for me. Am I to understand that isn't the case?

CLAP-9000: I would love to make you a new weapon, but my colleague and I cannot agree on which weapon to produce next.

DAN-TRP: I caressed a laser weapon with my infinite wisdom and turned it into sensual perfection.

CLAP-9000: I made a grenade mod that fires snowballs. It's fun, Jack. It's fun for the whole family.

Jack: Oh, I've seen this before. These two are gonna argue forever unless you put a stop to it. Go find a restraining bolt.

CLAP-9000: Jack, I learned a song today. Uhn-tss. Uhn-tss. Uhn-tss. Drop. Wub wub. Uhn-tss. Uhn-tss.

DAN-TRP: S-S-S-SILENCE, insect. How can a worthless bucket of servos and idiocy -- IDIOCY! -- understand what truly makes a weapon? Can you even hope to compare to my understanding of destruc-struc-struc-struction?

CLAP-9000: Nahhhh.

(On way)

Jack: Hyperion used to manufacture all kinds of CL4P-TP personalities -- y'know, mean ones, irritating ones, sassy ones, irritating ones. I built those two with the "peaceful warrior" and "sexy megalomaniac" presets. Thought they'd work together and create some really wild stuff, but uh -- guess I was wrong.

(Use console)

Jack: That restraining bolt should deactivate one of the two claptraps back in the weapons lab. Head back and shut down whichever claptrap's weapon interests you the least, I guess.

(On way back)

Jack: Hey, careful with those restraining bolts, they're pretty valuable. Anything that can shut up a claptrap's in pretty high demand.

(Enter Automated Weapons Production)

DAN-TRP: CE-CE-CEASE! Cease your insane-sane babbling, or I will carve a novel into your ch-ch-ch-chassis.

CLAP-9000: I'm afraid I can't do that.

Jack: Plop the restraining bolt on one of 'em. Should shut them down temporarily.

CLAP-9000: Please do not restrain me, Jack. My snowball grenade has so much to give.

DAN-TRP: DESTROY-STROY him, and my perfect laser shall be yours, yours!

--- Option 1: Restrain DAN-TRP ---

DAN-TRP: How dare -- Dare! DARE! -- you, insect? My omnipotence...

CLAP-9000: Unfortunate. And yet, necessary. I have your snowball grenade. It is a great deal of fun.

Jack: Well, one less claptrap in the world, right?

(Turn in)

CLAP-9000: Most agreeable.

--- Option 2: Restrain CLAP-9000 ---

CLAP-9000: My mind is going. I can feeeel it...

DAN-TRP: A wise choice, in-in-in-insect. Your laser is ready, produced by my own magnificence.

Jack: Well, one less claptrap in the world, right?

(Turn in)

DAN-TRP: Boo-boo-booyah.