Shooting The Moon/Transcript

Mission

 * (Approaching entrance to Helios Fallen)

Brick: "Timber! Hahahaha!" Brick: "Bruised my cuticle on that one. Hell yeah!" Brick: "Hey, slab! Over here!" Brick: "I'll post up here. You get in there and blast those fools! Mordy's life is on the line!" Brick: "Time to practice some botany! See ya at the Backburner, Slab."


 * (Entering the Helios Fallen)

Vaughn: "Alright! Time to wreak vengeance on the loader bots that Hector hacked to murder most of my clan." Lilith: "There's more important things at stake, bandit. We need that moonshot cannon to clear the way to Cassius. He's our only hope of curing Mordecai." Vaughn: "Right! Of course. Totally. Yeah-yeah-yeah. But I'll give you a ton of cash if you also wreak my vengeance."


 * (Riding the elevator)

Vaughn: "Say, did anyone stop for a second to think about Hector's plan? Dude hijacks your ship to spread a mutated spore-seed-whatever gas to make Pandora a paradise? I mean, it's pretty righteous! Elevators, huh?" Lilith: "Focus! Moonshot cannon. Get it working. Blow open the door to the mine." Lilith: "So, does anyone actually know how to use this thing? We've gotta blow open that door." Tiny Tina: "Waaaaait, wait-wait-wait-wait-wuh-wuh-wuh-wuh-WAIT! Hold up, HOLD UP! You gonna fire the biggest cannon on the whole muckabluckin' planet, and you didn't call ME?! I am offend." Lilith: "Tina, it's... it's a war zone between us and Helios. I'm not putting you in danger." Tiny Tina: "Lily, girl, I hear you, but I'm your demolitions expert! And now the Vault Hunter is inside and you can bamf me in to help out with the mission and I-wanna-so-bad-please-it's-probably-my-birthday!" Lilith: "It takes a lot out of me to teleport anything besides myself, it's not as easy as --" Tiny Tina: "PUH-HUH-LEAAAAASE! I WANNA USE THE BIG SPACE GUN! IT'S ALL I'VE EVER WANTED-D-D!" Lilith: "(sigh) Fine."


 * (Entering the Moonshot Complaints Department)

Vaughn: "You're almost to the moonshot control room! I took my bandit oath there with my right hand on a Hyperion account ledger, and my left hand on a still-beating skag heart! Man, I could stress-eat some skag hearts right about now."


 * (Entering the Munitions Loading)
 * (Lilith teleports in with Tiny Tina)

Tiny Tina: "(womits) YES! That was AWESOME!" Lilith: "Okay, Tina, I hope this was worth it. I'm just gonna... rest here for a sec... You take care of the moonshot." Tiny Tina: "Lily, I got this. Listen UP, class in session! This is Ballistics 101, and I am Professor Boom! FIRST LECCIÓN! Those regular moonshot shells ain't gonna do SHIT against big ol' metal doors! We need that GOOD good armor penetration. So, whilst I start constructing the missile, your homework is to get the explosivos that are goin' inside. Class DISMISSED!"


 * (Acquiring the explosives)

Tiny Tina: "Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah, that'll do. MORE!" Tiny Tina: "HOMEWORK COMPLETE! A'ight, I'm bored. Different bit! Now you're a lovesick aristocrat who pines for the hand of Contessa Aorta Heartsworth. I shall play the part of the celestial imp, Cherubian. If my love-arrows are to fly true, you must purloin two stabilizer fins. For when I shoot her. Blat!"


 * (Acquiring the stabilizer fins)

Tiny Tina: "Aw yeah. This love-missile gonna have wings like a... like a big dragon!" Tiny Tina: "Love is in the air, mon amie. Return posthaste!"


 * (Arming the moonshot projectile)

Tiny Tina: "I started thinking about dragons and made this. Load them explosives!" Tiny Tina: "Careful. Caaaaareful. CAREFUL! Careful." Tiny Tina: "Now slap them wiiiings on there. Contessa Aorta is gonna be swoonin' over your badonk in no time." Tiny Tina: "Rrrrromance! Verily, and stuff. Okay, now, uh... go salvage a power core from the bot bay. Not really feeling a shtick this time."


 * (Acquiring the power core)

Tiny Tina: "Sorry if I'm being a bummer, I'm just worried about Mordy and I want to help out but it's scary 'cause I don't want to lose him. He's my friend." Tiny Tina: "Can I be... mega-real? Sometimes I feel like if I don't keep moving, I'll just... stop? Maybe it's a defense mechanism? Whatever. It's nothing. Sorry I'm buggin' you with all this sad crap. Forget it." Tiny Tina: "Uh. Heh. Heh heh heh. Ah! Aha! AHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! AAAAAH! HAAAAAAAAA!" Tiny Tina: "Its name is like a BUTT! THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE! GAHAHAAAA!" Tiny Tina: "DOES URANUS HURT? AHAHAHAHAHA!" Tiny Tina: "AHA! HAH! Hahaha. Hah. Heh. I needed that! I'm back, bugaboo! Get that power core!" Tiny Tina: "OH MY GOD, I JUST READ THE MISSION OBJECTIVE AND IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN! AHAHAHAHA!" Vaughn: "Vengeance is mine! Of course, those bots had no idea what they were doing. And you know what they say, justice is completely arbitrary and only leaves you hollow and broke because you paid someone to kill your enemies for you."


 * (Power core acquired)

Tiny Tina: "HAH! Back to me, Vaulty Vault!" Tiny Tina: "F+! F is for fantástico. Remember the homework thing? The -- the bit? Whatever, you done good. Plug in that core!"


 * (Arm the cannon)

Tiny Tina: "Now look. I'm not gonna lie. I wanna arm that cannon. But you know, if you wanna, if you really really wanna, then you do you. But I wanna do it." Tiny Tina: "Please lemme push the button. It's... it's my birthday... okay, it's not my birthday, but I only lied because I really really really really really really really really wanna arm the cannon, pleaaaaase!" Tiny Tina: "(sobs)" Tiny Tina: "(more sobs)" Tiny Tina: "(sobbing) Please?" Tiny Tina: "(wailing sob)"


 * (Vault Hunter arms the cannon)

Tiny Tina: "Yeah, cool, whatever. (sobbing) I'm over it!"


 * (Tiny Tina arms the cannon)

Tiny Tina: "Really? REALLY really?! Oh Vaulty Vault, I thought you might be raisin, but now I know you chocolate chip." Tiny Tina: "Yes! My dream! It's happening! Follow dis butt!"


 * (Firing the cannon)

Tiny Tina: "Fire." Colonel Hector: "What in the hell is goin' on down there?" Colonel Hector: "Goddammit." Tiny Tina: "It's... it's so beautiful." Lilith: "Good work, everyone. The way up to the lab is clear. Cassius better come through for us."

End of mission
Lilith: "Got a few things to take care of here. Head back to camp and check on Mordecai."