Spore Chores/Transcript

Misison
Lilith: "'Sup, killer. Good work finding a camp. Guess this'll be our home while we figure out how to take back Sanctuary." Vaughn: "Uh, this is MY camp?" Ellie: "Hey Lil, step back if you don't want to get any bandit on ya." Vaughn: "Easy, easy! We can share! Hey, wanna take a spin in my lucky underwear?" Ellie: "I'm listening." Lilith: "I'm gonna teleport back to Sanctuary and try to take Hector out. Maybe there's still time to fix this." Lilith: "(coughing) Not gonna happen. I can't get to him. Sanctuary's flooded with that gas. Tannis, can you... I dunno, whip us up an antidote?" Tannis: "Of course. I will first need to discover the nature of these mutations. Send me some plant genitalia. I believe they are called flowers at your reading level." Lilith: "What she said. Let's get it done."


 * (Arriving to Dahl Abandon)

Colonel Hector: "So you cowards teamed up with that bandit from Helios? Figures. They gave up their moonshot cannons real easy. Now I can launch my Paradise Gas wherever my eye can see. Adapt and re-use! That's called strategy -- you know, if you ever wanna taste victory for a change." Lilith: "I'm so ready to kill that guy. Get Tannis those samples, killer. I'll keep rounding up the Raiders." Lilith: "Tannis! I couldn't find you after the attack. You somewhere safe?" Tannis: "Oh, yes! I'm secure in one of my many hidden panic shelters. Handy when you live in a constant state of panic. Enough small talk, get me those samples and we'll have a plant monster army of our own in no time!" Lilith: "We just need an antidote." Tannis: "Hff. Fine. Honestly, sometimes you people make no sense whatsoever." Lilith: "Get Tannis those samples, killer. I'll keep rounding up the Raiders."


 * (Entering Miasma Sink)

Tannis: "You might find yourself hitting harder while fighting within a gas pocket. Strange, but potentially helpful!" Tannis: "Do keep a close eye on your exposure level, unless sprouting vines and losing your mind is a newfound kink -- in which case, I have some ECHO novels for your perusal. Judgment-free zone!" Tannis: "Look for closed bulbs, I need pure specimens." Tannis: "I see the gas has infected the local fauna as well. Vault Hunter, try obtaining samples from those infected skags."


 * (Collecting first Infected Flower sample)

Tannis: "These mutated plants are enormous, even by Pandoran standards. It's unlikely that this gas is naturally occurring. Someone engineered it."


 * (Collecting second Infected Flower sample)

Tannis: "The gas has been elegantly designed to increase biomass at an exponential rate. In dumbspeak: gas make tiny plant go big big and do the ouch."


 * (Collecting third Infected Flower sample)

Tannis: "Creating this gas would require an understanding of advanced bio-genetics I can only describe as brilliant... and arousing." Tannis: "Now we must discern how the gas is infecting humans. I will require samples. Specifically brain matter, which I like to call that good gray stuff."


 * (Killing Infected Skags)

Tannis: "Yes! Yes, just as I suspected -- I gained absolutely no information from those infected skags. The scientific method prevails again!"


 * (Collecting first infected brain sample)

Tannis: "Oh my. Such playful mRNA structure. You naughty little thing, you." Lilith: "Tannis." Tannis: "Ahem. Yes. I will, as they say, keep my Class 5 biohazard suit on." Tannis: "Just a few more samples, Vault Hunter. I've almost reached a conclusion!"


 * (All infected brain samples collected)

Tannis: "Aha! A breakthrough! We all know that the Pandoran atmosphere is chock full of benign spores. The gas mutates the spores already present in our lungs." Lilith: "Oh. Wonderful." Tannis: "The spores spread to the brain, taking over the nervous system. The subjects are left nearly mindless, like a slag-huff addict or a music enthusiast." Tannis: "I have disappointing news. I lack the expertise necessary to synthesize the gas and create our own legions of plant-human hybrids." Lilith: "Again, not doing that." Tannis: "(scoff) You sound just like that university ethics board. No matter. Return to the Backburner and send me those samples." Lilith: "I'm running out of eridium, so I'm gonna make one last sweep for survivors. See you back at camp."


 * (Approaching transition point to The Backburner)

Tannis: "What a horrifying creature. Dissect it with your weapon of choice. Like I always say, the more horrifying specimens, the merrier!"


 * (Killing the Lichethrope)

Tannis: "Well done! Pointless, but well done."


 * (On return to The Backburner)

Tannis: "Please send me those samples as soon as possible. I have made every preparation and completely disrobed so that there is nothing between me and the laboratory-grade mylar of this biohazard suit. The sensation is... very satisfying."


 * (Trying to scan the samples)

Vaughn: "Oh, that's on me! Yeah, um, I was scanning my glutes, for reasons, and, uh, and I busted that science thing. Just give it a little bandit high-five."


 * (Making the scanner work)

Hyperion Scanner: "Scanning bio-signature." Tannis: "I love that sound."

End of mission
Lilith: "Vault Hunter, over here." Lilith: "Tannis is working on an antidote. In the meantime, let's find a way back up to Sanctuary."