To Arms!/Transcript

(Accept mission)

Papa Crust: The time is coming when this land will be blasted clean of warlords and petty kings and queens. The People's Liberation Army are storm clouds on the horizon. Bring us guns! Guns! Guns! With guns we shall bring the lightning! Bring them to our Concordia dead drop. Bring enough and you will be rewarded!

(Use drop box)

Papa Crust: With you among us, equipping us for the coming battle, our soldiers will take heart!

(Deliver 10 guns)

Papa Crust: Disaster, my friend! The guns we collected so far have been stolen by ruthless bandits who, even now, tear across the moon with their ill-gotten booty! Please chase the thieves down and retrieve them. I have updated your ECHO with their location.

(Retrieve 6 weapon crates)

Papa Crust: Sweet, explosive justice! Thank you Vault Hunter, you may bring those back to the donation center.

(Deliver 20 guns)

Papa Crust: Some of our younger members see themselves as warriors, now they have weapons once wielded by a Vault Hunter. They've taken it upon themselves to attack a local cluster of scavs. Could you check their progress? Make sure they're safe. I've updated your ECHO with their location.

(Approach camp)

Papa Crust: Slaughtered? Did they only take the cheap donated weapons with them? Everyone knows those are virtually worthless! No offense. Speaking of which, I would be grateful if you would retrieve the weapons from the bandits and wreak revenge upon them for the loss of our brethren!

(Loot 10 weapons from scavs)

Papa Crust: Revenge, while a terrible thing, can feel richly satisfying! Please, return the guns to our drop box.

(Return to drop box)

My thanks, Vault Hunter. Your continued aid is much appreciated.

(Deliver 30 guns)

Papa Crust: The Pot triplets -- our most headstrong members, armed by the weapons you brought us -- are locked in a complex dispute. Perhaps a respected Vault Hunter can resolve it. I'm updating their location to your ECHO. Please bring a healing wave of calm to the situation.

(Approach Pots)

PLA Member Tim Pot: No! I'm not! You're always saying I'm the most likely to shoot someone, and I'm not. Stop saying it! You're both driving me nuts!

PLA Member Tom Pot: Well, I'm probably the most unhinged! I like both of you and I'm still aiming at you!

PLA Member Tum Pot: Yeah. You're definitely the most unhinged -- unless... it's me. I don't even know what we're arguing about, but I'm definitely going to shoot stuff!

Papa Crust: Vault Hunter, be guided by your instinct as you choose whose side to take in this most troubling dispute.

(Choose one)

PLA Member Tim Pot: I don't understand what's happening!

PLA Member Tom Pot: Let's get into it!

PLA Member Tum Pot: Cheater!

(Kill Pot)

Killed Pot: Aargh!

(Killed second Pot)

Killed Pot: Aargh!

Papa Crust: Less healing than I'd hoped for. Still, thank you. Recruit... return to base, and have a think about what just happened here and the lessons you can draw from it.

(Deliver 40 guns)

Papa Crust: Vault Hunter, your weapons have brought hope to the PLA, and will help spread our cause across all of Elpis. However, they have also attracted the attention of a local gang who hope to spread pieces of YOU all over Elpis. Their arrival is imminent. Please protect the stockpile! And yourself, of course.

(Defend stockpile)

Papa Crust: Oh, worthy deed! If they hadn't attacked during the People's Liberation Army annual picnic, we could have sent our men to help you battle those forces of wanton avarice.

(Deliver 50 guns)

Papa Crust: Your work is done, Vault Hunter. We are ready. The Time has come! Please come witness the fruits of your labor! Transmitting coordinates now!

(Approach curtain)

Papa Crust: Truly you are one of us, my friend. A provider, a giver, a messenger of hope, ready to stand shoulder to shoulder with the People's Liberation Army and say: NO MORE! With these guns we shall forge a fearsome weapon that will shake the old order to its core. We wage a war against meaninglessness and we fight it with...

Papa Crust: ... ART!

Papa Crust: Real art that makes a statement! More potent than a million bullets, and far less blood!

Concordia Citizen: That People's Liberation Army really did it this time!

Concordia Citizen: I don't get it.

Concordia Citizen: Well, it's a metaphor. You know what a metaphor is, right?

Concordia Citizen: ... Is it a skag?