Chief Executive Overlord/Transcript

Accepting the mission
Vaughn: "Hey, Vault Hunter. Got one more favor to ask."

Mission
Vaughn: "I need some advice on how to be the best bandit-king I can be. Let's see if anyone has some words of wisdom for me." Vaughn: "Maybe start with Moxxi? She's got a lot of experience with bandit clans."


 * (Talk to Moxxi)

Vaughn: "Moxxiiii. My girl! Hah-haaaah! You got any advice for me on running a bandit clan?" Moxxi: "Sure, hon. The most important thing is knowing when to sweet talk... and when to slash someone ear to ear without blinking." Vaughn: "Well, that went dark fast. Um, so, be a sadistic psychopath. Got it. Well, this has been... a thing. Thank you." Moxxi: "Any time, sugar. Why don't you come on by later and have a drink on Moxxi?" Vaughn: "(nervous laughter) Yeah. Pfft. Sure, definitely will do that, uh... girrrl." Vaughn: "Well that was... interesting and less than helpful. Maybe Ellie has some advice for me?"


 * (Talk to Ellie)

Vaughn: "Ellie! How's it hangin'?" Ellie: "Bangin', bodacious, and sexy as all hell! As per usual." Vaughn: "Oh, Ellie. You are just delightful." Ellie: "Don't I know it! But I never get tired of hearin' it from a chiseled little man like yerself though. Ah-wink." Vaughn: "Did you just... wink at me over ECHO? Okay. Anyway. You spent some time in a bandit clan, right? What kind of advice would you give an aspiring bandit-king?" Ellie: "Only thing bandits respect is bullets 'n' killin'. And it always helps if you're devastatingly good lookin'. Which you is. Ah-wink." Vaughn: "Cool, yeah, you -- you winked again in the thing. Well, I'm gonna call it at that. Thanks, Ellie!" Ellie: "Anytime, you hard-bodied little snugglemuffin." Vaughn: "Being a bandit's -- it's about freedom! I mean sure, it's a warzone out there, but it's not all about the killing... is it?" Vaughn: "Brick leads the Slabs, right? Maybe he can help."


 * (Talk to Brick)

Vaughn: "Brick, you old so-and-so. You've had a lot of experience running a bandit clan, as it were. Care to share some words of wisdom?" Brick: "Hell yeah! We got a saying in the Slabs. Might even call it our guiding principle. \n Punch stuff real hard!" Vaughn: "Uh huh. Um. Anything, uh, anything else, or...?" Brick: "Nope. That's it." Vaughn: "Okay. Good talk. Bloodball on Wednesday?" Brick: "Yup!" Vaughn: "Not... the most useful advice I've ever received, but I guess he's got a point." Vaughn: "Hmmm. Didn't Marcus have, like, a bandit cult once? Maybe he's got something for me."


 * (Talk to Marcus)

Vaughn: "Hey, Marcus. Penny for your thoughts on leading a bandit clan?" Marcus: "Well, I've never turned down a penny!" Marcus: "So, yes, I accidentally became the object of cult worship once upon a time. And it was pretty great, heh! They'd give me money, and guns, and everything. But the best part was, they always died soon after. So I didn't owe them anything! Heheheh. The lesson here is: it's fine for everyone to die, as long as it's profitable." Vaughn: "Yeah, money... Money's good. Bye!" Vaughn: "Well, this has all been really terrible advice. Uh... and I know we're really scraping the bottom of the barrel on this one but... let's see if Claptrap has anything to say?"


 * (Talk to Claptrap)

Vaughn: "I have a feeling I'm gonna regret this, but... uh, hey, Claptrap. So you've been on Pandora a long time. Got any advice for a new bandit leader?" Claptrap: "Do I? DO I?! No." Vaughn: "Oh. Okay. I guess I was expecting some kind of rambling nonsensical monologue." Claptrap: "In that case, you've come to the right place!" Vaughn: "Therrre it is." Claptrap: "Bandits are superstitious idiots. I would advise you to acquire god-like powers! Legends tell of a secret coven of witches living deep beneath the--" Vaughn: "Nope. We're done here." Claptrap: "Wait! You didn't let me finish! All you need to do is bring seventeen Lapis Lazuli stones, three scalps of your enemies, and--" Vaughn: "Nope! Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope and nope. Bye, Claptrap." Claptrap: "Aww!"


 * (Talk to Vaughn)

Vaughn: "I think the real lesson here... you've got to find your own bandit truth. Y'know, maybe what I need is a self-initiation. Right? Time to figure out who Vaughn really is. Oh! Oh, I love this! A Pandoran walkabout! Oh, but wait! I can't go on a walkabout without my Artifact of Power! Ugh, I lost it in Helios when we got kicked out. Could you grab it for me?"


 * (Find the Artifact of Power)

Vaughn: "Okay! Now find my old living quarters and poke around for the artifact." Vaughn: "This artifact was the source of all my power. That must be why my initiations went so poorly! Of course!" Vaughn: "Yes! That's it! Top of the line, Hyperion Redbar X-2000's with quicksilver fly and no-rise banding! Bring it back to me."

End of mission
Vaughn: "Now I can make preparations for my journey. I'm gonna find myself out in that wasteland. My true self. My bandit-king self. With my Hyperion Redbar X2000s, I'm goin' places! Wish me luck with, y'know, not dying in the most horrible ways imaginable by the darkest recesses of the human mind!"