Torgue-o! Torgue-o!/Transcript

(to do: missing quotes for Nisha and Jack2, possibly TVHM dialogue)

(Accept mission:)

Springs: Know much about lasers? There's a light reactor stuffed in a building nearby that I can sell for a good chunk of Moonstones. If you get it for me, I can give you one of my spare laser weapons. I just gave ya a prodgun -- you'll need to piss off some kraggons with it.

Torgue: HI, NEW BEST FRIEND! I'M FROM THE TORGUE CORPORATION AND I'M SUPER-DUPER P***ED THAT LASER GUNS EXIST! THEY'RE MADE OF LIGHT, WHICH DOESN'T EVEN EXPLODE, LIKE -- WHAT?! I'LL PAY YOU TO DESTROY THAT LIGHT REACTOR WHEN YOU FIND IT!

Springs: Seems excessive. But I like his energy!

(On the way to objective:)

Springs: Be careful near the kraggons! They appeared after Dahl started mining the planet and one of them nearly killed me a couple months ago. Gave me a sexy scar on my stomach.

Springs (to Athena): EXTREMELY sexy. Athena.

Springs (to Wilhelm): That wasn't aimed at you, Wilhelm. You're not my type.

Springs (to Nisha): Sorry. I didn't mean that as a come-on, Nisha. You're not quite my type.

Springs (to Claptrap): I know you likely didn't wanna hear that, Claptrap. But I didn't want my girlfriend to strand me on the moon with no food and a raging ladyboner. Life is full of compromises.

Springs (to Jack2): Sorry, Sort-Of-Jack -- I'm babbling. Haven't talked to anyone other than Deadlift in weeks. And he's dumb.

Springs (to Aurelia): Sorry for rambling, Vault Hunter.

Athena (if present): What? I -- I'm going to, uh... keep shooting things. And focus on that exclusively.

Wilhelm (if present): ... That should be on my family crest.

Nisha (if present): No harm done. I like 'em handsome anyway.

Claptrap (if present): Ewwww!

Jack2 (if present): Nah, it's cool (incomplete)

Aurelia (if present): No problem at all. You want to hear REAL rambling, you should meet my brother.

(Approach building:)

Springs: You've made it! The building with the light reactor should be nearby -- get inside.

Athena (if present): The way's blocked.

Wilhelm (if present): Buncha junk blockin' the entrance.

Nisha (if present): (missing)

Claptrap (if present): There is an unfortunate amount of refuse blocking my entry!

Jack2 (if present): Ugh, great. Buncha crap in the way.

Aurelia (if present): The entrance is all clogged up, sad to say.

Springs: Oh, right. That's why I gave you the prodgun! Blast the kraggons with it. They'll get angry and charge you. If you can lure them into the rubbish, they'll smash an opening for you.

(Kraggon charges rubble first time:)

Springs: It's still holdin' -- get 'em to ram it again!

(Kraggon charges rubble again:)

Springs: Great, they broke away the rubbish! Now get inside and yoink the light reactor!

(Pick up reactor:)

Springs: Bonza! Now bring it back to me and I'll trade you a laser gun.

Torgue: OR, YOU COULD DESTROY IT FOR ME AND GET A COOL TORGUE GUN! WHY?! BECAUSE I RESENT LASER GUNS AND I'M SUPER GOOD AT HOLDING GRUDGES! IT'S A SERIOUS PERSONALITY PROBLEM! JUST DROP THE LIGHT REACTOR INTO SOME LAVA!

Springs: Aw. Kinda feel sorry for the big bag of muscles. You can give the reactor to me, or destroy it for Torgue -- I'll still like ya either way.

--- OPTION 1: DELIVER TO SPRINGS ---

(Place reactor:)

Springs: We make a good team! Except for the part where I don't do anything.

Torgue: AW MAN! EVERYBODY'S ENJOYING THEIR LASER WEAPONS AND I'M JUST SITTIN' AROUND MAKING THINGS EXPLODE. MY LIFE SUCKS!

Springs: Aw, it's okay... people like explosions!

Torgue: (sniff) YOU'RE JUST SAYING THAT! PEOPLE WANT LASERS, NOT EXPLOSIONS!

Springs: Nooo -- I really DO like explosions! You're great!

Torgue: REALLY? I LIKE YOU NOW! DO YOU WANT TO GO OUT?!

Springs: Sorry. I'm not into guys.

Torgue: FRIENDZOOOOOOONED!

(Normal Mode)

Torgue:: HEY, IS ATHENA TELLING THE STORY ABOUT THE LIGHT REACTOR THINGY?! I'D LIKE TO JUST POINT OUT THAT I WAS IN A DARK PLACE BACK THEN, AND I KNOW THAT "FRIENDZONING" IS AN IMAGINARY MISOGYNISTIC WAY OF LOOKING AT RELATIONSHIPS! YOU GUYS KNOW WHAT I MEAN?!

Lilith: Please go away, Torgue.

Torgue:: FAIR ENOOOOOOOOUGH! MOWWW!

(End Normal Mode)

--- OPTION 2: DESTROY ---

(Place reactor:)

Torgue: RIGHT THERE! DROP IT INTO THE LAVA!

Torgue: THIS IS TAKING A REALLY LONG TIME!

Torgue: I HATE THINGS I DO NOT UNDERSTAND!

Torgue: WOOOOOOOO! SUCK IT, SCIENCE! VAULT HUNTER, I SENT YOU A THING! GO GET IT!

Springs: Ah, shame. Still, 'least you made the muscly guy happy! I call that a net gain.