Typhon DeLeon/Quotes

The Droughts logs
Log #1

"Hey, fellow adventurers! This is Typhon DeLeon! Some history dweebs paid me a buttload to record an ECHO series about my adventures, and Typhon needs a new ship! Crashed the old one-angry saurian broodmother, runaway sandwich, long story. Anywho, I was born to a family of turd farmers. Lotta money in turds those days. Good, dependable fuel, turds! That's why I always say, "if you step in crap, consider the upside!"

Log #2

"Ah, my old stompin' grounds! See that big-ass monster skeleton? I was so busy hunting Eridian crap one day that he almost stomped me into a Pandora pancake! But I dove at the last second, and then I did a triple back-flip straight into his mouth, right past the teeth, and shot my way out of his sphincter! I smelled like monster ass for weeks! But I'd do it again. And I did!"

Log #3

"By now, you've probaly noticed that Pandora isn't the friendliest of planets. I'm guessing it's not any safer in your day than it was in mine, so if you see somethin' comin', shoot first! We just call that a Pandoran handshake! -Hey, who the hell are you? (gunshot and scream sounds) I'm Typhon DeLeon. Nice to meet ya! Here's a med pack. Yeah, I'm doin' an ECHO series! Sure. I'll sign an autograph!"

Ascension Bluff logs
Log #1

"Pandora's a strange and harsh place. Sometimes, I get the feeling the whole planet is tryin' to shake us off like a tick-infested skag. But I'll tell ya one thing: if I do find the Eridian homeworld someday, I'm gonna finally get some answers! "Hey, aliens," I'll say. "What's so freakin' special about Pandora!"

Log #2

''"When I was sixteen, my parents died, and I burried them at their thurd farm. Afterwards, I started thinking. "What am I still doing on Pandora? I gotta get off this ass crack!" So I snuck onto a merchant ship bound for Promethea. Good thing I was smaller back then--better for sneaking! At the time, no one on Pandora ever thought I'd amount to anything, let alone become a legendary explorer--but, like I always say, "heroes come in all shapes and sizes!"''

Log #3

"My parent's turd farm wasn't far from here. One time skags are some of our tools, but I hunted those bastared and licked them good! And only now it occurs to me that expression might not sound so great. Ah, who cares! I am who I am! And I'm telling ya, I licked those skags real good!"

Meridian Outskirts logs
Log #1

"I remember the day I arrived to Promethea. Those buildings looked so tall and majestic! I was so busy sky-gazing that a thief stole my pants right off my keisters! Promethea's no Pandora, but a city is still plenty dangerous. I knew this was the sort of place I would either find my destiny or die in a gutter! And thanks to my partner/nemesis, Azlan DeVega, Promethea was almost both."

Log #2

"I thought a city like Promethea would be crammed full of opportunity, but actually it was a tinderbox of violence and greed. Corporations were pulling out, calling the joint dead-end. People were starving, eating stone soup and boiled ratch to get by. But somehow, I survived. It was a real "wrong place at the right time" type of situation. You know, sometimes the trick to being successful is just staying in the game longer than the other guy."

Log #3

"There'd been rumours about the Eridians since the expansion days, but no one had found bupkis. Those days, Atlas was paying top dollar for artifacts. Well, wasn't like I could farm tirds for a living, so I took aup adventuring. Thing is, the gangs were shaking down freelancers, but I said to myself, "Typhon, if you don't want to end up back on Pandora, you'd better put up your keister on the line!"