DAHL Combat Training: Round 1/Transcript

(Accept mission)


 * TR4NU (to Athena): Cadet, you're the least mustard-filled caesar salad I've seen round here in a Harold Maude's age, and I DO mean that as a compliment! I'm sure round one won't change a persnickety word-otter like you, but pistol-whip the training area anyway!
 * TR4NU (to Wilhelm): Don't you eyeball me, boy! You wanna toss a nostril at me you just go ahead, but that eyeball better stay in your dream casserole! Now get to the training area and kiss the first round on the mouth!
 * TR4NU (to Nisha): You think you can tell me what to do just cause you got a jaunty hat made of tigerlilies and fisticuffs?! Well I DON'T LIKE the sound of your scent, flappy girl! You get your charcoal to the training area and pick some tulips in round one!
 * TR4NU (to Claptrap): Looky here! A big bag of sandpaper shaped like a hat rack! Hope you like dyin', Pinocchio, cuz that's the hit single from round one's debut album! Hit the training area!
 * TR4NU (to Jack2): I bet the ladies LOVE caressing your party flaps when you pull out the pretty scissors, huh?! Shame there aren't any sweethearts to kiss your grandfather when round one shows you how to bake a salmon roll. Hit the training area!
 * TR4NU (to Aurelia): You're so geronimous I can't even say anything about the flavor of your face! Get to the training area and complete round one before I give you a personality-YYYY! Goin' up like a drill sergeant mi-IIIGHT!


 * Athena (if present): Uhm. What?
 * Wilhelm (if present): The hell you talkin' about?
 * Nisha (if present): What?
 * Claptrap (if present): Most of those weren't even words!
 * Jack2 (if present): Hehhehehehe -- what're you talking about?
 * Aurelia (if present): You are officially my favorite. That was beautiful nonsense.

TR4NU: Get your pen pals to the training area!

(Enter arena)

TR4NU: My gun-mother programmed me to use safety ammo, but that's about as fun as a BOOK! I've made you a sundae drizzled in live bullets, and topped it with bloodhungry scav bandits!

(Survive round one)

TR4NU: Watch your persimmons!

(Survive round two)

TR4NU: Your blood better be made of antifreeze or you will NOT be admitted to the shindig!

(Survive round three)

TR4NU: Don't go getting all higglety-pigglety on me, recruit! There's plenty more where that fandango came from!

(Turn in)

TR4NU: You got the apoplexy for Round Two, frankfurter?!